Post 291: originally posted at myspace...and more.

The following was posted on my myspace page yesterday and I'm going to repost it here for everyone that didn't get to see that...at the end, I'll give more details into what's going on, because you guys are the ones I really care about...
-------------------

Have you ever been forced into making a decision about YOUR life because someone else FORCES it on you? I guess I'm talking similar to your parents cooking you meatloaf and making you eat it even though you want chicken...but bigger. A LOT bigger.

"What are you getting at, Rob?"

Its simple. Have any of you had to DUMP the love of your life because they won't do it, even though ALL their actions are telling you otherwise? I've personally been REAL depressed in the communication of my wife to me for the past two months. She had lied, possibly cheated and continued to keep up this behavior. I've constantly told her that I didn't want to end our FIVE year relationship for any reason, however, she's forcing it.

She has lied...she told me she'd stop...she lied again...she told me se'd stop...she lied AGAIN...and NONE of these are little white lies, but these were changes in her behavior that she had never displayed before. This is why I was able to let her come clean and move on...

But last night and today...she lied to me again. She got caught in the mother of all lies to me and she had NO WAY of covering it up...you can't tell someone that you are out of town (at the beach three hours away)...and then get caught ten minutes from home at the local Walmart...with another person.

Did you cheat? ..."No." Then why lie? "I'm ashamed and embarrassed. I don't like being this way or treating you like this?" ...Then why do it..and then do it again...and again...and again...? "I don't know. I don't know what I want." ...You are willing to give up FIVE YEARS for an "I don't know...?" What kind of bullshit is that?

Well, I'm sure others will hear this at least once or twice, and for that I'm sorry. But I'm giving up the single biggest thing in my life, and I'm going to need friends to be patient with me, and get through it, because I never wanted, and still don't want to end my relationship, or my loving her.

Thanks for the broken heart that you forced upon me...your behavior will not allow you to love or be loved for any period of time...so I hope throwing it all away is worth it for you.
-----------------

She came and talked to me last night. Between 7:45-10:30, and we just talked. I was mad, and upset, but I didn't become violent and I didn't break down. I just kept asking why would you lie, why would you continue to do the things that make you into a person you don't want to be? She didn't have an answer. Then she hit me with it.

"As much as I love you, I don't think I love you enough to be married to you..."

My reply to this was simple..."But you loved me enough to marry me in the first place? It doesn't work that way. You said to God that you married me to love and to serve, to honor and cherish, til death do us part. You made a commitment to me and a commitment in the eyes of God. Start acting like an adult and take responsiblity for your actions."

I went on to tell her that she needs to stop living for "a moment" and start living for LIFE. Meaning she needs to look down the road, and stop doing things that hurt and affect other people negatively, just because they may be fun for that instant. If you know something is going to cause a fight...especially in a time like this...why do it? If you know you are going to make somebody cry, do you try to make them cry? No, especially if you TRULY care about them.

I changed the locks at my house, and she asked why and what does it mean? I told her it means she doesn't come in until its what she decides she wants in life...why? Because right now it looks like she wants the comfort of a roommate and a roof over her head...when in actuality...she'll have neither unless she wants the marriage back. Am I wrong for that? I don't think so, her dad doesn't think so and all my friends say that they agree with me.

As much as her individual person needs to grow and accept what she's committed to, her biggest problem is that she doesn't see us as a single unit like a marriage is supposed to me. She feels she can have her life on one side, and have me on the other...I'm not going to accept that. I'm not going to take the abuse and punishment of someone that only wants a shoulder to cry on, and a lover on their terms, when the truth behind everything is that its only when they want it, and it isn't reciprocated AT ALL when the other person desires or requires it.

I hurt a lot right now, since I made her leave. The door is open for her to come back, but only if it is in the most genuine of circumstances...that she wants to TRY to make us work...that she wants to really put in the long hard effort to make the marriage last longer than a Britney Spears first one.

My wife needs to grow up. She needs to grasp her obligation and her promise of forever...and yes, she needs to think before she acts. She told me she'd let her actions speak for her before, and this is where we are...her forcing me to turn my back on the one thing I truly love more than life itself, because of her fear of a lifelong obligation and commitment.

Sorry guys...this is REALLY bugging me right now. I may post more later...

Post 290: An update of sorts...and more ranting, I'm sure...

Today I met my nephew. To most people this wouldn't be werd or awkward, seeing a little child just after childbirth, but Drew, my nephew, is almost 2 years old already, and we were originally told that he wasn't my brother's son. He is the cutest boy in the world, which is crazy, considering who his parents are :). Anyway, this was a really cool thing for my brother to bring him by my work while I had to be here for 10 hours.

Tomorrow, I have a final interview for a job with GAMESTOP CORP, whom I guess I have worked for in the past on the EB GAMES side. It would be for a manager in trainnig position, since I'm to the point in life and career where another move NEEDS to be made.


Had a conversation with Christy yesterday that kind of discussed how people's feelings and what they want contribute to their necessity for certain things in life...meaning...If a person doesn't want to love someone else, the nerves and synapses that tend to push you in the direction of love don't fire as often, and in most cases falter and stop entirely. This is why people don't normally stay together if they break up. Its common science that if you train yourself to not feel a certain way, you won't. The only way to change it is to make a conscious effort to change that, which means you will fight yourself and what your mind and body tell you are wanted to allow yourself the opportunity to find what you thought you lost. This is why a fleeting person can fall out of love so easily and not think twice, but someone who really loved, hurts when the break occurs and then can't do enough to keep it together unless they force it until it becomes natural again. Too bad most humans aren't logical, huh?

This week, I intend to start utilizing Photoshop and Illustrator to draw...what am I going to draw? I honestly have no clue. I've got some ideas, but I'm hoping to actually get them on paper, or tablet, and if I can actually do it, I'll post the work up online, since I am really interested in seeing what I'll be able to do.

Well, I hope this wasn't nearly as ranty or negative as some of my previous posts. I just hope people aren't leaving the site because of these rants...

Oh, one last thing...I have read the first two issues of John Taddeo's ZOOM SUIT... and I have to be honest when I say this...the ONLY reason this book is selling like it did is because the first issue was sold to retailers at a huge discount (I believe .75 per copy) and ultimately...it isn't ANY good. Taddeo's writing is very amteurish (similar to this Ardy story, BTW, hehe...but then, I wrote it 11 years ago) and that isn't good for someone who wants his comic company to become established. If he really wanted to write a good comic, it shouldn't be so campy and cheesy. Less is more. A great comedic moment is better than constant attempts and failures at a one liner per page. I'm just very disappointed that I gave them $3 to buy the second issue, and I'd offer to write the story because it has a very good premise from what I've seen...its just written extremely poorly.

Sorry if someone else likes the book, this is only my opinion and I'm just very disappointed that a book that sold over 30,000 copies of its debut issue won't hold up because of how bad it reads.

Post 289: Defaults and Myspaces...

So with all the issues going on in my personal life, its funny how "little" things can set me off.

For example, my wife set up a MySpace page, and she originally had her profile set to "Single." Also, she wrote in it, "Not looking for hook ups or dates, I can get that stoopid shit at work." Now with all the issues we've had, I confronted her about both issues. To the first she stated that it was a Defaulted option that owould have to be changed that she hadn't gotten to, yet. I said, "Okay" and that was the end of that...except then she decided that placing in there that she can get dates and hookups from work made it sound even worse. She told me she'd change it (on both accounts) and for her credit she changed them. She placed in her profile that she was married, and then she placed right after, "Not looking for hook ups or dates, I can get that stoopid shit at work." ... "And...um...I'm married."

Now I don't know if she was just trying to upset me or whatever, and she said she wasn't, but it truly seemed like she was. I know she's not trying to find booty calls or anything, but come on, don't insult your marriage when its been on the rocks for as long as it has. It doesn't help anything.

So she changed it again (at my request,) claiming that she wasn't trying to upset me and she just wanted to place a little gest in there. I unfortunately take everything said about my marriage (good or bad at this point,) VERY seriously...to a fault at times. It now says that she's not looking for a date or a hookup because "its the Internet for Christ's sake." Taking out the statement that she's married (though the profile still states it.

My buddy Derek looked at it when it said she was single, and when I mentioned it to him, his first reaction to me was, "What the Fuck?" Meaning, I wasn't the only one to read it wrong, and I was't the nolyone to get a bad feeling from it.

Long story short, Christy posted a blog statement on there basically "apologizing" for her statements and flat out stated, "After Rob has gotten on my case a bazillion times about my profile, I will make a public apology for not saying I was married, as we all know, the "single" status is default until you insert the info, and I hadn't even put shit in yet. Sorr-eeee!!!"

It sounds like she feels I overreacted, and that she is unhappy about being told she should change it, even though our marriage should be respected and nourtured rather than just a statement of fact.

I stated I take my marriage very seriously, and I hope she does, as well, but actions and words speak volumes. And all this is just to vent my frustration, much like she did. Yes, childish, whatever...just feel I needed to get it off the chest.

Next week some real news, folks...not just this BS ranting all the time. For real.

Post 288: More mindless babbling.

Yesterday I got on here and posted saying that I haven't really felt creative, and that I didn't know when I was going to get that back. Unfortunately, no it didn't happen last night, though that would have made my month. Instead, I'm going to go into further detail on whats going on.

Ever not felt like yourself? Like you don't want to look at things through your eyes because your perception is skewed?

Christy (my wife) and I have been having problems out in the open for at least 1.5 months, and from her statements to me, even longer than that, if you ask her. These problems stem from the fact that we want to live our own lives, and take for granted the life we HAVE to share. It's depressing to see how far things can slip and then how much they affect you and keep you from being yourself.

After probably the worst fight we have had, while not becoming physically violent with her, I did become violent because my points and my statements were not loud enough and not the the point enough. Though the damage done is minor, its something I'm not proud of, and do not condone. The behavior shown from me this past weekend is not who I am, but I'm worried it may be who I become. I'm not happy with myself and though Christy tells me that I have to forgive myself and that she forgives me, I still don't know why it has gotten to where it has, and why its NOT AT ALL easy to try to fix, and everything is taking so much more effort just to attempt to stay civil and to continue trying to fix.

The problems escalate and its like being on eggshells. You tell the other person that they need help and that they need to stop treating you like crap, and then they tell you that you need to lay off and be easier on them. They tell you that you don't deserve to be lied to, deceived and then it occurs again. You tell them that you can't accept apologies because they fall short everytime, and that "sorry" is just a word, and yet the same things continue to happen.

I've asked myself when will "Enough be Enough..." only to come to the conclusion that I don't know how I'd live with myself if I gave up on everything at this point. I'm in a mental, physical and debilitating rut because of this and its taking away from the creative energies I've wanted to express since I was born...

I apologize for not being as jovial as I have in the past, or updating as often as I used to. This isn't just affecting my creativity, its really hurting a lot of other things, so I'll apologize for this, as well.

Hopefully things will start to get better, and when thats the case, you all will be the first to know. Thank you for your continued support of both LANDIS and ARDY, it truly means a lot to me.

Post 287: Sorry its been so long.

It's been a while since I've been on here and writing to those of you that actually enjoy the comics, and for that I apologize. In all honesty, I haven't found myself being creative, nor wanting to actually do anything with the comics or the site. It will pass, like most of these moments do, but right now, I find myself just even really wanting to be away from the computer.

I hope all is well with you guys out there, and since I've recently come into a total of Five copies of the Keenspot Primer (two of which are going to artist, JK), I'll probably be having a contest on here soon for an autographed copy.

Take care.

Post 286: Hard to get used to.

So the new laptop is awesome, I love it. Already have Photoshop CS2 and Illustrator CS2 on it, but having problems getting used to the drawing aspects due to the sensitivity of the stylus, so I may try to do some more abstract art first to get a handle for everything.

I've aso been thinking to hep with my proportions, I might buy some largely articulate Action figures and take digital camera pictures of them, start another layer of art and draw on top of them to get a better sense.

Some may call that cheating, but I call it learning by photo realism, and I think it may help me develop a new art style that may be mimicked in the future...who knows. heh.

I'll show some experiments when I do this attempt, but if you have opinions on things you think may help, let me know...I'm planning on doing this with lighting effects and everything.

Post 285: Tablet PC...purchased!

Alrighty,

I know that I said I was going to wait until the 64 bit processor ones were going to come out, but I got too good of a deal on a comp that has 1gb memory, 80gb harddrive, widescreen display and a 1.7 pentium M processor.

Hopefully this will help me get over my issues with creating but its also probably going to be my main computer now.

Its a gateway, but I purchased the 3 yr with accidental damage protection on it. Its a cx2618, which Best Buy just started carrying the newer model, the 2620, which there were NO differences on, but they wanted 500 more for it. So even with the service plan, I was able to get this for less than $1500.

I think its great, but I'm sure there's a lot to learn, now...hehe. Thanks for helping me with my decision making...it was totally needed!

Post 284: To buy a computer...?

Once again, I find myself wanting to purchase a new computer. Problem is, I don't want to pay what they want to charge me this time.

DELL consistently offers AMAZING discounts on tehir products, but they don't offer what I want...and what I want is a tablet PC, so I can put Photoshop on it and start digitally creating artwork...but NOOOOO...Dell doesn't want to jump into that Niche Market.

The average cost of a Tablet is about $3-400 MORE than your standard laptop. Couple that with the fact that DELL's website often times offers 35% off (or as much as 40% off) from time to time, means that if they were to create a tablet PC that met the specs I'd want, that I may be able to afford one.

Now I'll probably end up swallowing the pill, and buying one that doesn't totally meet my needs and paying a little less for it, but with this, I'm not sure that's what I want to do. I really want one that is going to allow me to do what I need it to, and on top of that, make some really good art in the process.

If anyone has any suggestions, please, let me know. I'd love to hear them.

Post 283: New page...really

So okay, today's page of the comic is actually one of those long lost "deleted scenes," that was re-placed back in to show all the amazing art of Tim Johnson. I can see why the page was originally deleted, as it isn't necessary to tell the story, but the art is just so nice that I wanted it ALL back in there.

Update on the MySpace page...Friends are adding up, as we're up to 75 now, but I know there are at least 1000 people PER DAY that are looking at this comic, and I KNOW that at least 25% of them are probably hooked on MySpace, so shouldn't we have at least another 250 friends on there?

www.myspace.com/potsandpansink

Everyone is doing it :).

Post 282: Landis on Ebay...

http://cgi.ebay.com/LANDIS-0-GRADED-VF-NM_W0QQitemZ6601863820QQcategoryZ3983QQssPageNameZWD1VQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Two copies available of LANDIS from FCBD 2003. This is the original book. If you purchase the copies and send them to me, I WILL autograph them and ship them back.

If not, its okay.

Post 281: I'm a blog machine today...and a thought.

I am really bored at the day job and don't feel like writing stories, so I've got this idea, and I wanted to run it by everyone.

I recently bought Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion for my XBox360, and I thought about creating Elisa on it. But then I had another idea, and this may lead to the next contest.

I am thinking what if everyone else tried to create their best likeness of Elisa? Then we could place them online and everyone could vote on who's was best? That person would then win a prize (haven't decided what it would be yet).

Let me know, I think this is a really cool idea.

Post 280: What I'm watching...

I know that everyone has their own favorite television shows and that everyone has their favorite movies, webcomics and more, so I'm going to post this here, and hope that others respond.

I'll start with TV shows. Recently, I've been watching 24, THIEF, Scrubs, My Name is Earl and The Office. I love good drama/action (like 24, the Shield, etc) but there aren't many shows like that on tv. I'm hoping the new BLADE series from Spike is going to be decent, as well as the new show PSYCHE from USA, about two "buddy cops" and one of them is a fake psychic. Just sounds like an awesome premise.

I've already talked about Civil War, so I'll leave the paper comics alone, but the online ones I'm reading now include MisFile, Flipside and Eat Kitties. I recommend checking them all out.

Post 279: Marvel Civil War.

There aren't mny times that something like this comes along and you just WANT to tell people to go buy it, but Marvel's Civil War #1 is one of those times. The buildup, the restraint, the realness of it all...I told Christy, my wife, that if she ever wanted to try a comic book this is theone to do it with. With someone like me able to tell her who the characters are, why they feel the way they do and why it just feels real makes this a must buy book.

I really have to give credit to Mark Millar, who once again proved that he, more than Brian Bendis, deserves whatever work with Marvel he desires. He didn't want this project when it began, but he slowly embraced it and then it flourished in him. He knows how to make it as large in scope as possible, while still showing how it affects one person. Hell, Hollywood should take advice from him.

Steve McNiven is my new favorite artist, ever since I picked up 4 #1. His style is just different. Different enough to make you take notice. Bryan Singer said that McNiven was the only guy when it came to illustrating his vision of Ultimate X-Men (still not out). This is where the man shines. He's really putting heart into those hearty moments that Millar has written.

I was opposed to Captain America being against the Registration Act because he's a soldier and wuold typically do what his government asks...however, in this case, it isn't how America IS that makes him do what he does, its where the ideal of where AMERICA SHOULD BE that makes him choose his side.

Beautifully written, illustrated and colored, I'd LOVE to see this turned into a cartoon, or live action...its just, it can't. Too big of a budget on either count, I'm sure.

If you had thought about going to a comic store this week, Saturday is FREE COMIC BOOK DAY, and I have a two-page spot in the Keenspot Primer for The Ardy Vanstarr Adventures with JK Radtke (beautiful art, btw). But if you do nothing else, PICK UP A COPY OF CIVIL WAR #1...you won't be sorry you did.

Even the tradedress is a nice touch.

Post 278: Why Post 277 was rescinded.

Yes, I took down the last post...why? Because I realized it was a propaganda piece which took all blame off of me for recent events with my friends. It was written in a well intoxicated moment and due to that, the facts were skewed more away from me.

Anybody you talk to will let you know that I give an honest opinion almost all the time. Its how I live my life, almost to a fault. However, one thing that I've been great at doing in my life is argue. I probably should have stayed in school to become a defense lawyer, only my morals probably wouldn't allow me to do it.

Anyway, with things the way they are, all my friends are noticably on edge, as am I. So I took the last post down because I felt wrong for putting it up.

Post 276: Mad props for elisalandis.com today...

I've noticed that I start alot of these posts with "Well, " and today, I caught myself getting ready to do it, so I'm making fun of myself for it.

Today marks a new day on Elisalandis.com, and its a day that is 10 years in the making. Today marks the first appearance of ARDY: City That Never Sleeps the 10th Anniversary Director's Cut (playing off the 10th anniversary Highlander collection of 1994). The story is completely redone in greyscaling by me, completely rescripted and just full of out and out craziness.

This IS the FIRST time this will be seen...fully. This is the FIRST time this will be seen with the new script, and I'm ultra proud of my graphic design, and the remastering of the files.

The cover page here is from Tom Nguyen, who has recently shown his work off in Batman, JLA and is currently working on the exciting new weekly title for DC called 52. Tom's also writing an article called "I Draw the Line" at www.comicon.com/pulse, to show people how to draw proper proportion, scale, musculature and more. I've known Tom since he broke into the business drawing Major Bummer with Doug Mahnke and John Arcudi, the guys who created THE MASK (which later became the Jim Carrey movie). Although I joked with Tom that he gave Ardy too many fingers, its still TOO awesome of a piece to not show...

Colors on the cover were done by the amazing Jas Ingram, who said that he'll help out with graphics for any new projects that come up, "for old time's sake." Heh, I just love these guys.

The art for the series is by a graphic designer living in NY, Timothy Johnson. To my knowledge, he has left comicking a while back, which makes me sad, but if he's doing what he loves, he really grew as an artist, and his imagination has taken over. I can't say enough good things about Tim. I would basically only write dialogue and he KNEW where to place the images. He new the backgrounds before we'd ever discuss them, and he would just blow me away, and make me work THAT much harder, in an attempt to really impress him as much as he was impressing me.

Well, there are 25 pages of fun story ahead...I'm just hoping we can get the launch of ardyvanstarr.com soon, so that we can really bump all this into motion.

Please, post ANY comments you have about Ardy either here or on the Landis Forum, I'd love to hear what you folks have to say...hell, write me a comment on the myspace page if you want...I'd love to see the friend's list grow :).

Take care.

Post 275: A new milestone!

Hey all, I figured I'd give everyone an update on me and my projects, considering this in comic book numbering is a spot where you charge extra and make it a doublesized book for absolutely no reason.

First, I haven't done it yet, but I think i'm going to update the t-shirt designs at the store, and once again put them at a price that I make $0, so that anyone who wants one can get one. Sure, they may look expensive, but I'm not making anything for them, so help a guy out with advertising. Actually, if anone has a favorite LANDIS, TAGGER, or ARDY piece that they'd like to see as a print, or as a t-shirt, LET ME KNOW, and I'll see if I can make a cool design out of it. Send comments to the end of this post to let me know.

So in wrestling, a lot of stuff seems to be happening...including ECW making a FULL TIME comeback. This is crazy, considering Vince McMahon doesn't normally bring things back that he killed. But this is different. He realizes that it still works, and its what the people want to see. After selling out the last two ECW PPVs, he's decided its time to go ahead and gvie Paul Heyman and Tommy Dreamer the reigns to start a new promotion back up. They've already cemented a timeslot with the USA network (albeit a 2 am on Saturday slot), and it looks like former talent is being signed to contracts as we speak. I'd love to see Lance Storm come back, and not to mention that, but I would personally LOVE to see RVD win a world title at the PPV and grab the spraypaint (RED) and spraypaint ECW onto the belt and make that the ECW world title.

Anyway, with all the projects, nothing new to report, really, but I'm hoping to start drawing some more in the next couple of days, and who knows, maybe even try to draw something that I can try to get my wife to paint for me, and then put it on auction to the thousands of fans...maybe.

Also, www.myspace.com/potsandpansink is up to 38 friends, but come on...I KNOW you guys that read this have myspace pages. but I can't get to you, you have to come to me. Send a friend request, it will not get shunned.

Til next time...adn another 275 posts!

Post 274: Finally some GOOD news...

With all the BS stuff that has been happening recently, I just won a "Deluxe Getaway Weekend" from my job. Hopefully the wife and I will be able to figure out a place to go to get away =).


Go me...