Keys to the Castle: Inside the Mind of Rob Potchak

Kayfabe Blog 2: Gimmicks that would be hits in the WWE today...

2012-01-29T08:09:00.000-08:00

Last time I discussed how Michael Migillicutty should be a star, utilizing the 3rd generation tag, similar to how Randy Orton became famous. I've come up with the right gimmick for him, and let me just state, it's Perfect.

These days, Vince McMahon wants to make all the money off of certain people, and wants to do it his way. With Superstars like CM Punk, he has realized that sometimes, he is just out of touch with something that sells, and Hennig is one of mistakes. Husky Harris is another one, but while he has the ferrari engine in a tank body, he's a little more difficult to sell, until I tell you the perfect gimmick for him shortly after Hennig's.

Joe Hennig is a third generation superstar, who follows in the footsteps of Larry "The Axe" Hennig and Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig. We haven't seen the talent he possesses, because he's been kept off TV, being "repackaged," however, on the first season of NXT, we saw a video package where his moveset reminded everyone of his late father. His new "repackaging" should consist of calling himself PERFECT. He should immediately distract Dolph Ziggler, beat him in a match, and get on the mic with Jerry Lawler, with Lawler starting this...

Lawler: "Joe, why attack Dolph Ziggler like that? I think the WWE Universe deserves to know WHY?"

Hennig: "It's a sham, Jerry. A downright sham. Dolph comes out every night to music that says he's "Perfection." Well, he's not perfection, Jerry...I am. It's in my blood. It's in my genetic makeup."

Lawler: "So what are you saying, Joe? Are you saying you want to be Mr. Perfect, like your father?"

Hennig: "Jerry, my father...my father was Mr. Perfect...I'm just...I'm just Perfect."

And there's his gimmick. Every time he'd be backstage, Josh Matthews, Matt Striker, whomever the interviewer would be, they'd call him Mr. Perfect, and he would correct them by saying, "Josh, My FATHER was Mr. Perfect. I'm just Perfect."

He would be immediately marketable, he would immediately have a catchphrase that everyone would wait for, and he'd be allowed to honor his family's memory on a regular, nightly basis, and immediately feud with some top talent. He'd be over in a millisecond, because wrestling fans remember tradition, and they would even honor him with a Mr. Perfect chant, probably nightly.

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Husky Harris, or Windham Rotundo as he's more commonly known in his real life, is also a third generation wrestler, being the grandson of Black Jack Mulligan, and the son of former IRS, Mike Rotundo. His perfect gimmick is a little bit tougher, and would require the help of someone else to get him over. Someone who is currently in the middle of being a low midcard face run, instead of top of the card, where he should have been after being part of Legacy for years. Yes, that's right, Ted Dibiase.

I tend to believe that Dibiase has more drawing power than Cody Rhodes, and was even allowed to keep his name before Vince went and changed all the third generation guys into something different. In fact, part of the reason he's such a terrible face is because his entrance song is "I come from Money..." Now here's the problem with that. The WWE has a longstanding history of being a value for lower income folks to be a part of, and he didn't change his music after being a heel for so long, which, while it works for some, in this situation, it's like Vince coming out to "No Chance in Hell," as in, you are always waiting for his heel turn.

Getting back to Husky Harris. The ideal gimmick for this guy is the bodyguard of somebody important, and in this case, that would be Ted Dibiase. Husky would be his muscle, and his financial overseer. He'd cut out all those "Dibiase Posse" tailgate sessions, saying that Ted was spending too much money, and he's come across like his father, Irwin R Scheister did back in the day. This would lead to a new age version of the tag team, Money Inc., made famous by both of these gentlemen's fathers. Ted would continue to be the overselling heel that cheats to win, Husky would come across as the muscle that doesn't sell. They'd go for the tag straps, make them reputable again as a Power and Glory style, and then have the classic breakup, when Dibiase would turn face, realizing that Husky was "embezzling" his money, to which Husky would deny, but there would be video coverage of him discussing with others how much he was taking, how much he was spending on cheap women and whatever else, and he'd become a monster heel...buying referees and making it difficult for Dibiase to win, but making him look like he's getting screwed in a very nostalgic way that would be entertaining.

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Personally, I think Hennig and Rotundo have all the talent in the world, but they'd need someone to actually put more effort into their final product and give it some time to come to fruition. You'd have to have some team players, in Dolph and Dibiase, but overall, if Dibiase, Rotundo and Hennig formed a new version of Money Inc as a stable for a while, maybe even have Bobby Heenan intially bring them all together for the first time, this could be a serious stable for the forseeable future, and allow the WWE to utilize it's heritage, build on it, and also nostalgically help us remember the past, just like they did when Randy Orton first arrived on the scene.

Hope you enjoyed this, and I'd like to see comments on what people think about this. I strongly feel these gimmick changes would make serious cashflow and establish new top level talent.

(#555) Kayfabe Blog 1: How to fix the WWE's storylines and make the product better #1

2012-01-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

While this is the 555th blog post about just generally anything, I wanted to take this time to actually state how I would fix the programming of WWE. Let me first start out by saying, I don't think EVERYTHING is broken, so it doesn't ALL need fixing, but there are areas that it absolutely does. I won't state that I'm an expert of the economic climate of ProWrestling, either, but I will state that after watching the product for the better part of 2 decades, I have general knowledge of what sells the product, and I am not 100% adverse to the idea of PG programming. With that, let's begin.
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Start by making the wrestlers more accessible, and let them be themselves, instead of stupid gimmick characters. Take, for example, "Michael Magilicutty," who just so happens to be the son of former great pro-wrestler, "Mr. Perfect," Curt Hennig. Sure, you can't own the Hennig name, and you don't want him to be "Perfect 2.0," though, actually that has a nice ring to it. Part of what made Randy Orton so accessible to the wrestling audiences upon his beginning, was the fact that both his father, and Grandfather, were wrestlers and we all knew him from their storied pasts. By taking Hennig away from his father's Legacy, it prevents him from using that in a great start up feud with some legendary people, like Jerry Lawler, who could easily get "Husky Harris" or "Michael Migilicutty" over with his stories of, "I knew Curt Hennig, and I KNOW Mike Rotundo...you gentlemen can't lace their boots, and it's NO WONDER Vince McMahon didn't want to tarnish their legacies with the two of you..." Then have them prove themselves through the commentators voice, building momentum, and even give them a mouthpiece LIKE Mike Rotundo to elevate them.'
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That is a just a small taste of what should be done, and that is utilizing folks that are not even on the main roster, currently, but absolutely have the pinache to be there.
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Let's take a look at something we ALL hate, which I like to call, "Minday Nitro'ing," or...ON THE FLY BOOKING.
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While you can grab the eye of a passing fan with an "OMG!" shock moment, it takes developing that moment and building upon it to really make folks believe. Here are three moments where it has worked...
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"2.21.2011" - The return of the Undertaker after an extended break. Commercials built to the culmination of this moment, and had people believing that it was going to be Sting crossing the line, if you will, and making his first appearance EVER on a WWE stage, in a WWE ring, etc. Turns out, the bells tolled, the Taker walked down, and just as he got ready to say something, HHH came out to demand a match at Wrestlemania, setting up one of many great matches at the card, though most of the show fell flat, and the match didn't even meet the hype of the second HBK/UT match (the first one was better, folks). The buildup, though, culminated in what we clamor for...we NEED that moment. Obviously, a return of a character is scheduled for Tomorrow night, "The second day of 2012...the end begins..." But for whom? While the signs point to Chris Jericho (book named "Chris," canadian maple leaf in the water, etc), this could just be a ploy to let it be the Undertaker's first appearance since Wrestlemania to set up what looks like it may be an uneventful co-main event at Wrestlemania.
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CM Punk's contract expiring... In what was the best moment of 2011, this was a significant step in blurring fantasy and reality, and singlehandedly showed that while the ratings during Monday Night Football aren't always there, that compelling television will lead to revenue of merchadise, as, immediately following his blowup speech on the company that turned into a "shut his mic off" moment, his merchandise was not just sold out, but in the first moment since Steve Austin became a household name, you started seeing people wear them on the street. However, for as great as this moment was...culminating with a great contract signing, an even better than expected match, and finally, a tweeted picture of the WWE Title in a refrigerator, Punk had the world wondering when, if, or WHERE we might see him (Ring of Honor debuted it's weekly syndicated show around that time). Here's where I would have changed it up a notch, "for the business."

Everyone knows that Vince McMahon will do whatever it takes to remain on top, from stealing talent for next to nothing because it's still more than the competition offers, to having wrestlers show up in terrible movies because he thinks they can get him and his company more exposure, to sometimes...not often, but sometimes, doing the unthinkable...like when his product was #2, behind Ted Turner, and he asked Paul Heyman if he wanted to cross promote his ECW brand on Monday Night Raw...they had matches, they had angles, and they had AMAZING wrestling at that time...what should have happened as soon as CM Punk was the WWE champion without a contract is this...Vince should have been on the phone and created a really good working relationship with Ring of Honor, and had Punk show up on their show, with the title, offering to take on their Champion, and going from there...Vince has been stealing that talent pool anyway, so why not give something back meaningful? I would have had the person who would then win the WWE Title in a tournament AT SUMMERSLAM be the guy who would take moments to crack shots at Punk, while he'd be tweeting during the commercials of RAW, so we'd all be wondering if it was real or fake... maybe even cut off the mic of the champion everytime he'd bring up,"That guy who quit on us, sitting at his home in Chicago..." (CM PUNK Chant starts...) Only to have the winner of the championship match at Elimination Chamber hold up the belt high...then have the music hit...CULT OF PERSONALITY...and CM Punk steps up, face to face with them...on Pay Per View...and slaps them in the face calling them a paper champion...and folks...you then have 4 weeks to build to Wrestlemania, with a great CM Punk Contract negotiation, face offs with the two wrestlers, and the ability to make him larger than life. Can you smell the buys?
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Finally, the third and final moment where the Rock made his long awaited return. The episode was even titled, "Leave it to Bieber..." as Justin Bieber was touted as the "Host of Wrestlemania," long before the Great One...nice swerve there...and this is one where it worked correctly. Not sure when Vince got him to sign on the dotted line, but before then, Dwayne Johnson had already opened his twitter account with a familiar "character name," and it got the world buzzing. When he dropped a little less than PG monologue on tv, no one cared, not PETA, not GLAAD, nobody. We all just watched and applauded as the great one threw out a 20+ minute promo that was worth it's weight in wrestlemania matches. This booking was done weeks in advance, though it overshadowed the main event at Wrestlemania, and even that went properly, as the Miz RETAINED his championship, in a moment that will forever be the day that Cena and the Rock FINALLY stepped into the ring together and squared off. Subsequently, now, with the match at WM28 signed, as long as Cena doesn't injure himself before then (and the dude has been pretty injury prone in his career), we have proof that 1 year in advance booking CAN and DOES sell a PPV.
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Next time, folks, we'll probably take a look at the actual 1-2-12 videos, WHO it was referring to, and whether or not it actually did it's job to bring them in.

554: Reflections...

2011-12-25T19:36:00.000-08:00

As I sit on my couch on Christmas day, my dogs at my parents for a week, I sit, alone, finding myself not being creative, not being myself, and realizing that the reason why I am alone is because I am feeling it on the inside, and showing something different on the outside. I am not one and the same all the time, and I believe it is leading me down a path that does not necessarily end with happiness.

I'm not acting suicidal, or crazy, just realizing that the person I am at work is a facade, and the genuine me is only seen by two dogs on the regular, and is not always a good person that actually deserves happiness. I'm not saying I don't deserve ANY happiness, just not always and true happiness. I'm not sure where it needs to change, but I am certain it needs to, for me to ever get something else into my life...a light that I don't snuff out as I have in the past...I need to be real...

The question of WHO that is remains...I wish I had someone that I could really break this down with, but much like the movie FIGHT CLUB, I believe my life is filled with a LOT of "single serving friends," though it does feel like more of them are becoming more real, as I do the same.

Love who you are, and others will be able to love you. I need to get there.

553: Pressing for change, same results apply

2011-10-20T00:00:00.001-07:00

So, tonight I did what I normally do on a Wednesday night, heading to the Fox for some karaoke, a couple drinks, and to enjoy myself, knowing I'm off Thursdays...only I changed up my norm, I went home ahead of time, let the pups out and changed clothes. My changing of clothes wasn't just changing into a tshirt like it normally is, I decided I wanted to look a little more upscale and dress a little more upclass. I am not sure if anyone took me as that, but towards the end of the night, I kept having this cute blonde tell me that she was really loving my song selection and towards the end of the night wanted to sing my songs with me.

I took this as an opening, not knowing what she did for a living, or whatever, but her friend as I was getting ready to leave and I made my joke about psychics having hours of operation, her friend, Courtney, was going, "Blair! Rob's getting ready to leave..." and when I asked it this was a big deal, and I introduced myself to Courtney, I was explained, "I know, Blair told me all about you..." I was like "huh?!" And then she retold the story without white lies, as she said, ir, she just kept talking about the songs you were singing and his good you were at each.

Interesting, indeed, because I made an impression and she was seen in a vehicle with another dude as she was leaving. Didn't really bother me as much as the other folks w/ her as much as it could. It did disappoint me that someone that was discussing me couldn't find a way to get a little more attention.

Oh well, maybe next time.....

552 - Another Conference over, and another Christmas season begins.

2011-09-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm not really allowed to discuss which company I work for unless I state that the opinions written herein are those of me and not my company and should be taken as such, and not indicative of the company's stance on anything specific.

Anyway, we've been in Vegas since Sunday (I've been here a little longer, Friday, infact) and we've had sessions and things discussed with us from all the major game developers. On this trip, I learned of updates and innovations happening to my company, bashings of the wannabes attempting to do the same thing my company does, and a classroom where I won an award for top 3 performance in a specified area. All in all, it's the greatest "RAH RAH RAH" moment our company has, and developers and game studios not only understand this, but they tend to "give us the hookup," if you will.

Last year, Microsoft blew us away by offering all of us Kinect, as well as Halo, Fable, another game, 3 months of Xbox Live and the new style controller. This year, Microsoft came again, fully prepared to kick ass and take names, offering all of us: Forza 4, Gears of War 3, and then some Kinect games, Dance Central 2, Kinect Sports 2, and a new game called Gunstringer, as well as a new bluetooth headset and 12 months of Xbox Live. This was actually the first full night of the show, which was pretty awesome. In Microsoft's training room session (the other was a Keynote Speech), I ended up winning the Gears of War 3 Limited Edition 360 Console, which is fucking amazing. So Microsoft knows they want to kick ass and take names and they threw that at us.

Earlier on the first day, Activision came out and had Will Arnett discuss Modern Warfare 3, and our company set a goal for how many copies we will presell. IF we hit that goal, they will not only GIVE us a copy of the game, but their "Elite" Call of Duty service...FOR LIFE...so no paying for it on a yearly basis, etc. Wow.

Not to be outdone by Activision, Nintendo brought Kevin Periera from G4 with them, and in their training session, I shared a long (and awkward) embrace/hug with him, that was even remembered after the fact by the VP of Marketing for Nintendo. But Nintendo came primed to tell us that they had limited edition poker sets to give out, and a limited Edition GOLD controller/Zelda game for the 25th anniversary. I was a little shocked that they only went with one game offered to us as they seem to be not offering nearly as much, which is a little odd, because they used to be the ones that blew us away.

Now Sony came to bat with the offer of Uncharted 3 and 3 months of Playstation Plus service...but I will give Sony a pass, because they did begin their EXPERT RLS program, that allows me to get a prize package worth about $250. Although mine still hasn't shipped, meaning I'm going to have to have a discussion with my rep about that, since it still hasn't shipped.

EA had already given us a copy of Madden, which was very nice of them as while I didn't intend to buy it, we were not there for our launch of the game, which kinda through some things for a loop. They came out and shows us this little game called BATTLEFIELD 3...then they offered us an EARLY Beta to play it before everyone else...and finally...not to be outdone by COD...a free copy of the game, without any GOAL setting.

We were also given a copy of Monster Tale, as we set a Guiness book of World Records well...record, by breaking the record for most people having a handheld gaming party. They never announced the final numbers, but the DID let us know we DID break it.

Other highlights of the show (I already stated winning the Xbox 360), were I'm also getting copies of Rage, Dead Island, Batman, and I think there may be one or two I forgot. I think the final number came in at 15 games, 2 services, one bluetooth headset, and the Limited Edition Console (for me only, LOL).

As fun as this sounds, we held our breakout with our region, and while I felt pumped up by it, I couldn't help but think we were getting beaten up AS we were given some praise. It's okay, I understand and am successful so I'll keep trucking and work on my hiring for the holidays while keeping the store clean.

Oh, I also got to see Mark Hammill, who came out to discuss the Batman Arkham City game, and got to see NEVER before seen footage of...a game not shown at E3...MAX PAYNE 3! Rockstar doesn't even have a game coming out this year, but for the second straight year, came out and showed us something almost a year away, but it looked absolutely fabulous.

Anyway guys, I'm still in Vegas, will be back LATTTTE Friday night and back to work without a day off until I think Thursday, as I want next weekend off for the Michigan/Notre Dame game.

551: It's 3am, and yes, I'm lonely...and 10:45 the next morning...

2011-08-23T08:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to go ahead and leave my delirious rant up here, in its entirety, without editing it, but that will be at the end of the post. Here's what happened, and then I'll let me "I couldn't keep my eyes open as I typed," garbage at the bottom for your, and my enjoyment. Sometimes you think you are writing the great american novel, and then you find out that you just throw random letters and numbers (numbers?!) together and get something completely random. So now, the real happenings of last night, followed by hilarity. I will also state here that I am going to even post names, something I don't normally do, because there was some relevance to it this time.
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So I get a text about 8pm last night to see if I want to go sing Karaoke at a place called Champions, and while I want to go, I don't want to ride the bike all the way down there because it's about a 20 minute ride, and I'd rather try to get a ride. Well, after my friend Tino disappears off the face of the earth, I go back to plan b, which is, bike...

When I get there, Chris wants to introduce me to his friend Heather (or her friend, or both, I can't recall). Well, Chris thinks he's sending me a text to show me which girl he's referring to, and he sends it to Heather, instead, stating that Heather's friend has gained about 30 pounds since the last time he had seen her. WHOOPS! As I stated, he sent it to her, meaning, he's in trouble if she shows the friend the text message. Chris and his girlfriend Kate at this point begin to scramble a story together to say that it WASN'T the other girl that he was talking about, and instead, it was a girl named, "Jackie."

Chris and Kate get up to go smoke, and while I don't smoke, I also don't like sitting at a table in a bar, alone, so I follow. Upon our return, someone has now claimed our table. From what I gathered, she was very attractive, had a thing for ink (some interesting tattoos, including one on her pelvis that she would later show me), she was single (and not looking) and her name? ...that's right...Jackie.

Chris pulls a girl move and tells me I have to go to the restroom with him, and while I joke that is GAY, I follow anyway, where he tells me I have to go for it with Jackie. I'm like, "Go for what?" Obviously, I know what he's talking about, but he then tells me there is no way it's a coincidence that we meet a girl named Jackie, who stole our table (yes, we just sat back down at it, LOL), after he created this farce tale of the girl he was talking about with the same name.

At this point, Jackie got up to go smoke (not a fan of smokers, btw, ladies) and Chris continued to press that I should try for it. Kate, at this point, says that she will, "chat her up," in an attempt to find conversation pieces. Chris follows Kate out after a minute of talking with me, and I wait to get another drink before I follow. As I go outside, they are both trying to involve this girl into a conversation about I have no idea, and when I sit down, Kate leans over to me and says, "Chris and I have tried to chat her up, and she's tighter than a clam." Okay, maybe not those exact words, but you get the meaning. Kate gets up, and I replace her in the seat next to Jackie, and ask her what she does for a living, blah blah. I ask her if this was "her hangout," and she kinda shrugged her shoulders, stated she lived within walking distance, so she could grab a beer and then walk, so "sure." I was getting nowhere fast, and it didn't look like it was going well, and then I asked...

"You like to try to read people, don't you?" This is less than a week after I had observed another attractive girl and asked her, "You like to control the situation, huh?" Both questions have gotten very similar responses...In this case, Jackie replied, "Um, yeah...how did you know that?" I discussed her gestures, quiet, sitting back, looking on with a full gaze, rather than not being aloof. And then, we started chatting. And we talked in and out of a two person conversation, followed by talking with everyone else for probably about an hour. And then I went to sing, and I decided I was going to sing all songs I'd never sung BY MYSELF before, and I felt I had nailed all but one song, but towards the end of the night, with the type of crowd that was in there, I decided to go to an old throwback, Build Me Up Buttercup by the Foundations. When I came back is when conversation with Jackie seemed to become a little more personal, instead of feeling someone out, when she asked, "Why did you sing that song? I love that song...I sing it at work all the time..." So we chatted til it was time for everyone to go home, and while it was really cool to be told she thought I was 25 (aww), and that we talked about things we like to do, I showed her some artwork for tattoos, saying I wanted the joker in a straight jacket because I was the witty one who was probably a tad crazy (she acted out a ba du dump there), and it was all around a good time...and then...when it was time to go home, I finally figured out the "why she's here alone," thing.

"Hey, so is there a way to reach you?" Me. "Y'know, cause I had a pretty good time getting to know you."
Her, "No. I don't facebook or anything..."
Me, "Um, but you do have a phone, right?"
Her, "Yeah, but...I'm not ready for this kinda thing..."
Me, "Getting to know people? Shit, you shoulda been doing that for years..."
Her, "No, ...y'know..."
Me, "Well, I guess I ...no, I don't. ::laughes:: Well, anyway, then, it was really a pleasure meeting you."
Her, "You too."

And it was over. Obviously, the reason she probably doesn't facebook is an Ex. The reason she doesn't want to "meet people," is an ex. And it's always like that, it seems. You meet someone seemingly a little introverted, and the reason why is something broke them, and they are trying to meet a point in life where they can go on. The sad thing is, I'm not sure if she's a fate believer or not, but I'm wondering now, if two things happened differently, if the night would have ended a little better...

1) If Kate hadn't stated matter of factly, "Jackie...Jackie...Rob her wants to fuck you..." And then when both Chris and I were throwing up the "what the fuck...NO NO NO!" she reiterated, "no, seriously. He does." Later I was asked by Jackie how long I'd known both of them, and I got to honestly say with Chris about 4 years, and with Kate...a couple months.

and the second thing that may've changed some perception of how reality works...

2) had I just told her the story of Chris's Epic Fail blunder at the beginning of the night, she may've tried to call bullshit, but in the end, that's the way the story played out.

So now, without further adeiu, the same story, told by a guy that fell asleep with the laptop still on his lap, sitting up in bed...
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What an interesting night. Eh, not that interesting, as my knack for not being able to get past a certain point with someone leads me back to being home alone every night with the two dogs. Tonight, this wasn't about someone I've been "working on," trying to get the same person to open up a little more, tonight was about someone that I shouldn't have had a chance with anyway, who began opening up after a few key attempts at conversation.

I have always been the type of person who observes. Some people take it a bit too far, and they come across as creepy. The other night, I looked at this gorgeous girl and said to her, "You like to be in control, don't you?" She looked back and was like, "oh...wow...I um..." and I was like, "what, am I wrong?" Her reply was more direct..."No, I was just telling someone that, and it wasn't here, so I know you didn't get it from there. So why would you ask something like that?" It's because I can see it in their movements, their drive, etc.

I'm going to break my typical, "I won't divulge a name because..." rule for tonights discussion, because it was interesting. So Chris, one of my longest standing friends, invites me out to sing karaoke, for what may be my final time hanging out with his girlfriend, Kate. So, Chris wants me to meet a girl, and it's a little odd, but what ends up happening is that I get information that he sent a text message to his friend about the girl I'm supposed to meet, and it turned out that Chris wrote something like "She;s already gained about thirty lbs." And his friend replies, "what?" so they came up with a reaon certain people look better. Well, when the other girl indlued was like, "Huh?" the 3000k/

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nyway, Kate (Chris' girlfriend) says that she'll take the fall for the Good news it. Ao the other part of stuff tonight. Hgihlange of @....

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See, wasn't that a fun trip?

550: Movie idea..."The Layover"

2011-08-20T05:30:00.001-07:00

It's 830 in the morning, but I just had this crazy dream and figured I'd write it down, because I thought it would make an interesting romantic comedy.

As the title surmises, it would be called "The Layover," and be about a normal guy who meets the moviestar girl, and after the long conversation on the plane, realize they need that connection in their life. Obviously, in the dream, the guy was me, so he would be the simplistic guy who is confident in his abilities to strike up conversation, not knowing who the starlet is, and she would think he's just a crazy fan, until she learns that he doesn't even know WHO she is, and while it drives her a little nuts in the beginning, she realizes that is exactly what she wants in life, the ability to have a moment as just a regular girl.

I even had a specific song in mind for it, Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know," which is interesting, because I normally don't listen to music, so I had to look the song up and all.

I feel a little jazzed, as I am now going to leave this, my FIVE HUNDRED AND FIFTIETH post, a little jazzed about this idea, knowing that this is the first really good thing I've thought up in a LONG while.

549: Blog into the Old Apartment

2011-08-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Ahh, Bare Naked Ladies...what great calamity they create, and perfect for the feelings I don't know how to express, because while I'm able to laugh and joke, I'm still realizing some repressed depression and struggling with being a guy who in just under a year and a half, will be 35 and nowhere near where he wants to be in life, professionally or personally. Now this could change, mind you, as crazier things have been known to happen, but tonight I don't think I'm going to focus on one side of life or the other, but discuss both, in a very open manner.

Oh, and let me place a shout out to my ol' dog's Junior Bruce and Just Plain Gordo for taking my review of FRIGHT NIGHT and placing it up on their BewareOfPodcast.com site. JB is my boy from way back, so I figured I'd give him a scoop on that review and Gordo's always been a good guy that I actually like, so cheers, boys. I also plugged here on their site, so I guess it's fair I throw one out to them, too.

Alright, so I'm flipping a coin to determine which one gets spoken of first, and here ...we...go. Oh, wait, I'm broke, so there is no coin...nah, I'm not that broke, I found a quarter...and heads means I discuss work first.

Alright, so I've decided that if the job hasn't gotten it through their head that I'm better than just a retail store manager by the time I am driving around in a car again (this would be early February, hopefully), I need to start bettering myself in life and NOT just sitting back waiting for it to happen. I know the new guy in charge of the area is a dick. He's really good at what he does, but he isn't very nice, and doesn't feel he needs to be.
He's handpicking people to be in charge of things I don't necessarily believe are the right fits for what they are now in charge of, and here's an example of this.

My "Dynasty" team, that has led the district overall for the past 3 years is being disbanded, so that my footprint can be around everywhere. I really don't have a problem with this, and I'm under the belief that I'm being given someone who believes they know more than what they do, and another who doesn't work for us, though sounds like the perfect guy to jump on board. All of this, right before we jump into the hardest part of the year. Why not do this two months ago when I would have a new team up to speed? Anyway, while I'm going through this, a guy that most people don't actually LIKE is now in charge of helping train new managers and helping develop current managers. I was told that the reason I'm being given the one person that doesn't know anything instead of him was that "he does better when he hires the people, and you work well with almost everyone." When it comes to training and REtraining people isn't it important to "be able to work with almost everyone?" I tend to believe it. AND the girl he's training to BE a store manager can't stand him, and has actually requested more training time WITH ME.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of my bonus opportunity dwindling because people won't get out from behind a counter. I'm tired of BRAND NEW District Managers QUITTING three weeks into the job because they realize what the boss's demands are, and he isn't reasonable, meaning, you are fucked.

I've been doing retail for 12 years now, five with this company, and I've got to say...I'm better than a trainer of 18 year old kids that forget to take their ADHD meds, and it is driving me up the fucking wall now, because I'm not going to blow someone to get to where I feel I've worked my ass off to get to.

Alright, these comments obviously are of my own opinion and nothing that my company would endorse, and as such, I am stating these without mentioning where I work.

On the personal front, shit is just weird. I'm broke, and have a trip to Vegas planned at the end of the month, and I think I may just spend my time at the pool (if I can drop another ten pounds before then), and drink free at the casino, doing the ol' one line one coin at the slot machine trick, with about $20 one dollar bills for tipping (NOT A CITY IN CHINA). So there is that, and I really just wish I could come up with about $400 to use while there, but it's lookin REAL scarce. I may be able to float around a couple bucks one way or the other, but not the $400 I'd like.

But that isn't the meat of what's bothering me. I'm still kinda talking to the same girl. She stated about ten days ago that she was going to go out on Weds Night and try to enjoy herself, and that she was sorry she had been being a bitch to me. I didn't think she had, having lost a friend a couple months ago, and having lost a loved one a lot more recently. I then found out she's been having problems with someone else not thinking she's the best mom, which seems a little preposterous. So I let her know that while the apology was fine, it was unnecessary, and we hung out that night, had a pretty fun time, and then I walked her to her car, the two of us made out a little, we talked for a long while and it seemed good, but off. This past week, she showed up to hang out again, and sat with me, my buddy Chris and his girlfriend, Kate, as we sang karaoke, and just enjoyed the night, and she was definitely preoccupied. At the end of the night, we walked to her car, and we talked for a bit, but I pushed a little bit on wanting to know what was going on in her head.

She made the little "my lips are sealed with a lock n key" motion and I told her that while I enjoy talking about myself (as you readers know), I was soon going to run out of things to just talk about, and if that ended up being the case, one of us would get bored. I specifically then said, "And if I end up being the one to get bored, I'm going to go find something else." Her response was direct: "You won't get bored." Um...

I didn't know how to take that, but I re-explained that I'm here, I'll listen, I won't judge and that, "What we've been through makes us who we are. The things we did, and how we got to here, today, leads us to the people we will become." It didn't change her stance, and I am not sure I expected it to, but it's just a little off kilter, and I need a little more to go on.

I will get bored, or I'll rack my brain, but either way, it's bugging me. Part of me likes the little staying out real late and having someone who is obviously interested in some way here, but I think I need a little more directness, and something else...

Anyway, so, that's where I'm at right now in life. A standstill, broke and pondering why I always find the ones with some issues that lead to awkwardness...I dunno. And it's bugging me tonight, probably because I didn't go out drinking.

548: What's a guy gotta do?! My opinions do not reflect those of my company...

2011-08-09T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today was a prime example of why *I* am a manager in my job, and those that believe they can do the job, are just the underlings that they will probably forever be. Today, I went into work 2 hours early, doing interviews for managers, and part time positions at another store. I did not get to my store until almost 5 hours after my shift was supposed to start. When I got there, this is what I walked into.
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-$500 in sales.
-Our shipment was not done
-Our trade ins had not been processed.
-We had to ship 100 pieces of PS2 because we don't carry it
-The other person took a BUSINESS Check, which we don't allow.
-The business check was accepted as a TRAVELER'S CHECK
-
-
So Okay, I went in stride, I didn't bust his balls too much, his numbers were decent, he just hadn't completed ANYTHING. Why? I don't know, the guy has been there for 3 years, knows what's expected and everything else.

So I get there, I double the sales in an hour (while I send him to lunch), I ship off the 100 pieces of PS2, accept the rest of the shipment and not only process, but PUT AWAY ALL 150 pieces of everything else, all between 445 and 600pm. This is insane. He leaves at 7:15, and my regional manager walks in while there are 6 other people are in the store, and I'm helping a customer with a wifi issue, but my boss's boss walks in and says, "So, do these folks have the plague, or...?" And I kindly let him know I was helping one specific person with their issue, but had acknowledged everyone. I also let him know the other person was off, and after about 3 other questions, my Regional and his family discussed what they wanted to get and then left without getting anything, and him saying, "You have a few holes on the walls..."

Are you kidding me? I busted my ass, fixed all but (are you ready for this) SIX holes on the walls, and that's only because the six people had probably picked up games they didn't want, and instead of placing them back where the hole was, made a new spot for them, leaving the open space on our wall.

This was not the moment to state, "Hey, I deserve a promotion..." And it wasn't even the moment to go, "Do you know what I did in the last two hours...?" This was a "Yup, I'll fix those SIX holes in about three minutes, when I get a second." and then fix it in 30 seconds.

I didn't take it as bad, I took it as, matter of fact, and that's what I think it was. I asked how a new manager was doing, he stated, "Good...they may even be better than you..." and my response was a humbled, "I'm not the best, I'm trying to become the best," and noticed him just accept that, as if my "cocky attitude" had finally been molded into something more formidable.

I don't feel beat up by him anymore, I feel ready. I don't feel scared, I feel prepared. I don't worry about his visits anymore, but had I not worked harder than I work at christmas today, before he arrived...I may have felt his wrath like I did the first time I met him.

Funny thing is...I wasn't expecting him...I was expecting more from my team.

547: I'm going to use a life line...

2011-08-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

We've all seen. "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?", right? well, finny thing about it is, that if you take out the million dollars part, we all still notice when we are part of this...or do we?

I am going to admit..,my personal level of intoxication at the moment leaves me in a place where I may actually misspell some things, completely write the wrong statement, or just look stupid, but tonight isn't about the little things, its about the, "Really?" moments.

So I was at my normal hangout, which at this point is proving to be more of a burden than anything else, as I saw a creeper named "Hiney" that was trying to give everyone else his new name, but while he was trying to show his side, I was telling people what to expect, and was tellin his story while he was trying to get close. Dude was so creepy, that he would stand behind the table and wait for an invite of ANY sort before he would finally just say, "Hey, what are you doing there?" and then sit down at the table.

I tried to explain that this was the creepiest of the creepers. The fact that I had stated to him, "Listen, you are creeping me the fuck out" months ago, only to recognize him as he bumped into me LITERALLY...

Anyway, all that, and then some. Life lines, reading of people's destinies in their palm, etc, has always been partially of interest. Tonight, this cute asian named Lynn mentioned she has been reading palms for a long while and stated tha tshe couldn't determine how long I was going to live, though at 25 I made a life decision and that I wasn't 100% behind my current job due to something. Heh, vague enough to be true on all acounts, but it still had me interested in what she had to say. I'm going to see where this goes and keep abreast of the situation, and yet, not allow myself to be taken advantage of. We'll see how that goes down, ought to be interesting.

On that note, going to eat somethign tonight, and now, before I worry folks.
Rob

546: what an interesting day.

2011-07-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

So, today I went into work for an hour and a half on my day off, knowing the store was going to receive a visit from my regional director and another regional from a different part of the country. I wanted the face tome, but also wanted to show that we were prepared for whatever he wanted to ask and discuss. Well, while I was expecting his typical hard added self, I was elated to hear his initial reaction to how the store looked, which was a loud "YESES! THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" From there, the rest of this visit went amazingly, as he started talking numbers with me. My previous visits, he had never asked about them, but on this visit specifically, he did. In fact, I brought it up the last time, and his response was, "When the store is right, and the processes are in place, then I'll talk numbers with you." Having spoken with other managers, this is the first ANYONE has heard of him talking numbers, leading me to believe that he feels we are where we need to be, and he believes we are doing it his way. He even went as far as to say he wants to partner me with a few other managers and discuss sales techniques and such at our conference next month, which meant he knows his to make me feel good about my stance with the company. He left with saying, "I always ask that you show me what is your best, and every time I have been in here, it has gotten better. And that's saying a lot, since I know I've spent a considerable amount of time here specifically."

Overall, a great visit.

Before my shift, I received a facebook message from the female of interest, which is interesting, because I was thinking my "hellos" and "u want to try to get together" were falling on deaf ears. It was just a simple "hey," but I hadn't talked to her in a while, knowing that she just had to go through the death of her dad, and she's got a lot going on. So, I tried to msg her back and FB on my phone acts up, so I couldn't tell if there was more that she wrote or not. I tested her later in the afternoon, and I told her if she wants something, let me know, and we'll move on from there. Told her I was here, but the capacity she wants needs to be a little better explained. She said it's a rough time for her right now, to which I let her know I understand, but she has to decide when it's time to move forward, but to take her time.

That's about all that happened to me, today, didn't go out, no trouble gotten into, and I looked into a little of it more of the bachelor party stuff for my friend Brian, and I think I'm going to get some VIP passes to either Aria or somewhere in the luxor in Vegas. Ought to be fun.

Ugh, it's already past one, and I have to be at the store at 8:30, so I'm gonna cut this off here.

545: Five years and this is the thanks I get...

2011-07-25T17:49:00.001-07:00

So July 2nd was my five year anniversary with my current company, and let my state that it is the longest I've been employed by the same company ever. Sad, I know, but I was at Jersey Mike's Subs for 4 years, Best Buy for four years, Godiva for a year and AT&T for 2 and a half before this. I like my company, as the company seemingly tries to show it's appreciation to it's employees, while wrestling with the idea of being an NYSE company that always answers to the call of the almighty dollar. I get it, that's the business I'm in and understanding that, I know why we don't have payroll floating at all time high levels and why value on buyback is lower, I really do get that, but did I see myself getting a certificate for five years and a USB thumbdrive while I beg for a promotion? No.

Someone else got the promotion I have asked about for three years and I'll shed my disdain here.

I've been told you have to rank well and have the processes in place to get promoted. I'm in the top 7% of the company for the third straight year, higher than the two that have been promoted ahead of me the entire time.

I've been told I have to run a larger store to get it. While one of the managers is in a higher volume store, the other is roughly the same size and I've run mine with less payroll all year.

I've been told you need to get people promoted. Now granted, I've had two guys ready to go, but since my boss fell asleep, no one else created openings, but I was able to recruit better that I the other two guys, AND NEITHER of them have promoted anyone either. In fact they want to move my assistant to another Store so that I can take on another "project" and when I asked why not give the project to one of the guys promoted, I was told, "He tends to do better with his own people, and you are better with Policies and Procedures..." WHAT?! REALLLLLLY?!

I dunno about any of you reading, but that sounds like a design flaw that will be the death of that position he just got...If he only works well with people he hires or works with, how is he supposed to train someone to be a good manager?

I don't get it. It just drives me bananas, and then it dawned on me. BOTH of the other guys have had other jobs on the table, one even left the company only to tuck tail between his legs and come back less than six months later...me? I've been the company guy with a big mouth. I've not put my resume out in five damn years because I thought I'd get somewhere, and I don't think I have that vote from people above me to get there.

Also, I don't kiss anyone's ass. I'm a gown ass man, my commendations, contest victories and ranks should say enough for who I am and what I've done...so fuck you if you think I need to polish the fucking corporate unit to get somewhere. They should be begging to suck my cock to keep me, and that's my attitude now. Suck it Trebeck.

To prevent any trouble: This message is the personal opinion of Rob Potchak and is not in any way, shape or form the opinion of the corporation he works for.

544: From the heart.

2011-07-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

So, while I wrote that other post right before this, I didn't think it was fair to group these together. I'm about to tell a story that almost made me cry, because it felt so close to home.

Today, I had a family, Adam, his wife Amy and their daughter come into my store, and I noticed that Adam seemed very unresponsive. Adam is in a wheelchair after an extensive brain injury, and today was his daughter's birthday. The family came in and as I took note to Adam's condition, I heard Amy state that this was their first time out in a long while and GameStop was one of Adam's favorite places to go, so she wanted to see him smile.

Adam's story goes back about 14 months ago, when he was in intensive care after a brain injury. He was flown to a facility in Massachusetts, where he went into a non-responsive coma for 9 months. When he finally did regain consciousness, they flew to Florida for another five months, as Adam was being rehabilitated. Today, when the family came in, he could wheel his own wheelchair using his feet, and would speak very softly when he was spoken to. Amy mentioned that she knows it's a good day when he remembers he's married.

Amy stated that just looking at him where he was, was a miracle. I believe her, though I drew strong similarities to my dad, and how he struggles everyday to be some semblance of what he was before his stroke, so many years ago. While I don't pray often, I pray that Amy remains this strong forever, because to stick with him this long already, it takes a really, really strong soul. Adam is a long way from where they want him to get to, and in time, I hope he gets to be the man he once was, as my father, unfortunately, was unable to.

Their story blew me away...the hope, the care...it made me remember why I do what I do for a living, knowing that my store could be "one of his favorite places..." and feeling that I'm partly responsible for that.

I got choked up thinking about them, their daughter full of life, the wife full of hope, and the husband...full of fight.

While my previous post asked why should I continue where I am and not try to better myself elsewhere, this post made me realize that I can make a difference...at least every once in a while.

543: Busting your ass and getting nowhere from it...

2011-07-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days where I did everything that only a handful of folks would attempt to do, and yet, I really don't think it pushed me further to the ultimate goal of moving up in the company...again.

I was at work at 8am, a full 30 minutes before my shift started, due to medical complications on my boss's part, leading me to take point today in our "office" day of work that needed to be completed, including handling two conference calls, contacting every store in the area to see if they completed certain aspects of a sales end were taken down, etc. Are there others that would be doing these things had I not stepped up, today? Probably, however, I believe I'm doing these extra tasks and getting nothing for it.

My store has been the best performing store in my district for over two straight years, and it's still going. Not just top ranked, but also, in the top 5% of the entire company, and still striving to be better. I've been told I can't apply for a District Management position because I haven't been an Area Manager, but I also haven't been interviewed for the position of Area Manager, nor does my region currently have ANY people in that position. If there ARE any people in that position, I haven't heard about it, and I tend to hear just about everything.

I'm tired of it. Those who hear me talk about my job realize that I like what I do, I love being able to make people happy with my recommendations, and I love when I see the kids grow up in front of my eyes...but there are aspects of my job that just WASTE MY TIME AND ABILITY...and here we...go....

I should not be hiring 18 year old kids and trying to get them to understand the necessity of strong work ethic anymore. I should be training managers to manage. That's where my strength lies. I shouldn't be teaching someone how to ring out a transaction on the register, I should be teaching them to get others to do that with their time so they can manage their building. I should be able to tell people that are currently in MY position how to be successful, and force them to listen...instead of pleading with them to just "please, take my advice."

So many people are "in the right place at the right time..." I don't know the last time this happened to me, I really don't. I have definitely gotten myself into the WRONG place at the WRONG time, but I've never had a job that I wanted fall into my lap, to where I can get myself to where I want to be. And I'm tired of it. I am successful in what I do, but I'm wasted talent.

I'm Crash Davis in Bull Durham. Obviously, the long term guy that knows his place (apparently), but never quite making "The Show" to finally BE THERE.

Last year I won a Leadership Award at our Manager's Conference. It was an honor, it was something that made me really feel like I was going somewhere, and then, my regional manager left, and I was left being told, "Your professional growth may have been hindered by your former upper management..." do you know what that means? Those two years I was top 400 in the Company, I was being led on, not developed and fell behind in the "I wanna move up" department.

I'm tired of being led on, I'm tired of being told "if you keep doing what you are doing, people will take notice." If they have taken notice, I don't see it. I don't feel it, and I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time.

I know what they are looking for. I speak my mind TOO much, it seems, and that is a demerit in this corporate world, but honestly...I'm busting my ass...and you are wasting me away. Don't lose talent. Build them, like you demand I do...take me under the wing so that I may help you be more successful...but no, I'm not sure they know how to do that.

They feel that by giving me a book I can learn what they mention in passing, but without mentoring and experience, there is none of that.

That's why they have been failing...and why I feel like I'm wasting my time when I should be receiving praise for my hard work.

542: expecting disappointment tonight

2011-07-13T19:26:00.001-07:00

We all get this way. You kind of want what you want and if you don't get it, regardless of the circumstance around it, and sometimes, you just go home disappointed. I am already assuming this is going to happen tonight.

I don't feel like really digging deep into the root of the feeling right now, as I normally do, because I tend to believe I am going to have to put on a front today and look like I am enjoying myself, even though right now, I am barely getting through a beer and not as happy as I could be. I'm just wanting something and I believe tonight will lead to me singing a bit, then going home and passing out on the couch, wondering why things can't always be seen in a positive light on a grander stage.

I know I am asking why I haven't "gotten mine," and seem bummed more often than not when I write this, but he'll, no one ever said this was happy happy joy joy...

I deserve more, and when I say I am going to grab it, I get relegated to waiting and hoping, instead of making my way to super stardom, and I'm not sure how to break that mold...and it's getting to me and hitting me on a stress level I don't like.

I'm tired of training 18 year olds. I am better than that. My talents are being wasted. My acumen is wasted on people figuring out the best way to get rid of a pimple... is that all I am worth?!

And let's not get me started on my personal life.

I also, HAVE TO ASK, why in the he'll, are kids educated if they can't even speak with Ebonics? Save the goddamned tax money for fuck sake...seriously. speak the fuck up, ENUNCIATE YOUR GOD DAMNED WORDS AND QUIT WASTING MY TIME BY NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT WE HAVE SALES TAX!!!

541: Y'ever wonder?

2011-07-09T19:43:00.001-07:00

I think about things too much. I think about how I have what I would consider is a nice way to be romantic, but how nowadays could be looked at creepy, stalkerish or whatever else.

I read comic books and now they are really well written, so I use something I read about in Iron Man to explain this "paranoia" I have. Tony Stark called himself a "Futurist" in an issue as he explained that he sees all possible future outcomes and makes his decisions based on those possibilities," and I believe I do the same thing. My mind is extremely logical until something throws a wrench in the works and hits me with an emotion.

I know, your are probably wondering what the he'll I'm referring or wondering about that brought this up...truth is, to know is to hopefully understand that as lonely as I get, me being by myself is sometimes the best conclusion to the equation...should it be? I don't know.

My family is full of rage that they don't disperse. I have had multiple attempts to communicate this with my brother, as he is the most consistent with the rage and aggression, and yet he will yell at me or tell me to stop it. I know I probably come off as condescending, but it is how I was raised...to belittle others to take your side in the debate. I have probably worked the hardest out pf my entire family to change that and yet, I am still guilty of it, and I know I'd take that out on people...sometimes without knowing it.

I'm just throwing these thoughts out here because I don't want to be alone, but when people ask me why I want a tattoo of Robert Bruce Banner turning into the hulk on my back, it's because I know how I get when I can't control my rage and I worry about those in my path when I get angry. The Joker in a Straight Jacket tattoo I want...little harder to describe...feel like my humor could be considered crazy and my mind trapped looking for an escape.

I am unsure I'll ever meet someone who fully understands me, but let it be known that I do FULLY understand myself when it comes to my feelings...it just does not come easy to figure out what to do about those feelings or how to control them.

I don't want to seem forceful with someone I like, but I want to progress the situation...and I'm contemplating all of the outcomes before I make my decision of where to go from here.

540: What I've been passing time with...

2011-07-07T17:43:00.001-07:00

I have recently been watching WAYYYY too much Netflix. I've been watching a lot of 30Rock, and mostly cheesy movies...including From Dusk Til Dawn. While I do love the film, it's amazing to see how far both Quentin Tarrantino and Robert Rodriguez have come as movie makers.

I have also caught up on most comics, and anyone who has been following my Twitter, you would have seen that myself and two others have been going back and forth about one of the most epic final pages in comics in Flashpoint: Batman #2.

Still got a bit on my mind from last night, too, but doing what I can to not be thinking about it...

Funny I go days or weeks at a time without writing anything on here and then I just blow the thing up with random babbles.

539: What's wrong with this picture?

2011-07-07T06:19:00.001-07:00

Please remember when reading this, that I often type it out on my phone, so misspellings and such are because the thoughts are coming and going so fast that I'm at the bad finger typings mercy and the horrid or abhorant spelling that comes with it.

Okay, so today, I tend to believe I'm going to be told that whatever started happening again was a bad idea and shouldn't be repeated...

No, it wasn't sex with someone out of my league, though that would be awesome,lol, no, something happened with "that girl," again. Mild flirting, turned into two people allowing themselves to take in too much alcohol, turning into "hey, let's start this over,again..."

So, I'm gonna see how long it goes before it's jeopardized by my knack of ruin. I'm not gonna throw anything at her, see her response and see where that goes.

Life is all a game, so when people tell you to act or be yourself, what they really mean is, "quit being yourself and act this way..." because rarely do people actually LISTEN, and I'm just as guilty as everyone else...or even moreso, as I really love the sound of my voice over others, commanding their thoughts and actions.

Should I have stepped into what will undoubtedly be a mess at some point? Ehh, fuck it. (Don't worry, it stays PG-13 as long as I don't say it again...) life is seeming shorter and shorter on the regular for me to really want to ponder rights and wrongs...might as well see where the current on this stream takes me and go from there...

As long as it isn't to a jail cell, I think I'm good...least for now.

538: Transformers: Dark of the Moon Review

2011-06-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that I feel Michael Bay's best film was THE ISLAND, starring Ewan MacGregor and Scarlett Johansen (as I probably spelled BOTH their names wrong). That movie just felt like a good movie, though the reviews for it probably weren't stellar. It also touched upon all the things that make a "good" Michael Bay film...Big explosions, car chases, and a plot that is flimsy at best, but made better or worse by the performances of the cast involved. And this film got the casting choices nailed, was able to keep the explosions down for the most part, and you felt for the poor clones...

So let's get to the meat of my review for the latest Transformers movie, Dark of the Moon. I like the interlude prequel moments where you find out that there was another ship from Cybertron that made it out, and then somehow crashed on the moon. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldren had 21 minutes to check out the wreckage, and began doing so, and then suddenly, in 1972, another trip to the moon was planned but scrapped.

Now, Optimus Prime and his ragtag wannabe Transformers of now (they are not, nor EVER will be the Gen 1 Robots in Disguise that we all know, LOVE and wish this movie was about) end up in Chernobyl and find out that the engine core from that ship was brought to Earth. Optimus yells at the American Defense Dept for a bit, but then meets Buzz Aldren and suddenly decides that they must go to the moon to get whatever that ship had and try to bring back its captain, former Autobot Leader, Sentinel Prime.

Here's where things go a bit weird, because obviously, they bring in Shia Lebeouf, and he's pointless as a "leading actor," and even more pointless as the cute guy that somehow keeps having MEGA HOTTIES fall for him. No Megan Fox this time, as we're treated with someone who acts about as well as a Victoria's Secret model. The emotion on her face was clearly an ad for Cover Girl.

So okay, back to where the movie takes a weird turn. We're introduced to Megatron with half a head, who now transforms into a truck and keeps picking robotic bugs out of his half head. We finally see Lazerbeak, and instead of being a cool bird, comes across as a robotic turkey / buzzard. And then we get the WTF moments...

Sentinel Prime is brought back to life by "The Matrix of Leadership," which now rests in Optimus, and is supposed to be in the leader of the Autobots...but for some reason, they found it in the last movie from the Ancient times, which means multiple generations of Autobot leaders did not possess it, including Sentinel Prime. Optimus attempts to give it to Sentinel Prime, who explains he's no longer the leader, Optimus is.

So okay, we find out about a government cover up not only from the Americans, but the Russians as well, we learn how it came about, though I don't understand where the funding for the cover up came from or HOW it's been going for Generations, since Megatron was found in the first movie frozen in a block of ice, and not creating government conspiracies.

Okay...So I'm taking this film for it's own from here on out. This is my REAL opinion. The human scenes looked like a Rock Music video for Goo Goo Dolls or some other act, as they were more posed than natural, the girl was definitely flaunted in a "We don't need no Megan Fox" feel, and Shia should NEVER be a leading man.

All that said, just like Revenge of the Sith, if you can sit through 2 hours and 15 minutes of bad plot that ties horribly to what came before it, can get past the car chases, explosions, and really just cut out the human moments of the movie...the last fifteen minutes of the film is where the meat of the movie is. And no...

There is no room for another sequel, unless Unicron has now figured out the Space Bridge technology and comes to Devour earth, forcing Autobots and Decepticons to come together, though I'm not sure there ARE any Decepticons left...

What does this review mean? I enjoyed about 30 minutes of the movie, which breaks down to about 1/5 of the film. I REALLY enjoyed those minutes though. The rest? It wasn't thought out, it was definitely done for a toy line, and it is kind of depressing that all it really made me want was a Transformers vs. Terminator film when you see the destruction of Chicago happening.

If you want to see a good 3D movie, and are just going for visual? Michael Bay gives you THAT. If you want a deep and emotional film...wait for Jim Cameron, who now that I think about it...if they ever reboot Transformers...spare no expense, and give THAT man the keys to the castle, Hasbro...He would give us Generation 1 in a way that we could only HOPE to imagine.

537: Another Speech...Fu and Krysta's wedding...

2011-06-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

Some reflection, first...I know I should be coming up with words to describe these two getting married. He's one of my best friends, and she's the best thing to happen to him, so why is this the first time I struggle with the words? We are all supposed be able to express this stuff, right? No, I know that's not true, but I am, its what I do, it's how I am. so let's see if i can come up with something...
--

As I struggle to call him "John," for only like the 5th time ever, many more people have come to know him by another name. No, not Ron from Best Buy, and obviously it isn't by his last name, as no one pronounces J's as H's...He's Fubar, and I've known him longer than most of the people here, except family, I believe. To be up here, saying this, is truly an honor that can't be expressed. You want to go into the embarrassing moments, like the time he slept outside on stairs because we locked the door to the beach house, or drinking games that turned into sharpie on the face drawing contests...or even that one time I told him if he was bleaching his hair that he should bleach the eyebrows, as well...but that isn't what today is about.

Today is about him making the best decision he has ever made. Expressing his love and devotion to the best thing that has happened to him. While I am not sure I understand the connection him and Krysta share, I do know that sometimes the puzzle pieces fit together even when they look like they shouldn't. He cares for her, she takes care of him.

I met Krysta at a poker game, where she was determined to win, and when she claimed she was all in, John was determined to see it through, using the sweet nothing..."Sorry, baby, but I call..." I'm not sure who won that hand, they may have even chopped the pot, but when they both got knocked out and I got called a "Deusch Bagel with Cream cheese" and they both laughed, I knew I didn't have to understand them for them to understand each other.

Something happened when they got together...While she has always seemed mature, John had finally made a serious step in life to adulthood...marriage, buying a house...pretty soon he'll be buying linens and attending dance recitals...okay, enough of this...

I love both you guys, and with that I salute with our favorite drinking salute...Krysta, Fubar, MA FU HAI!

534: Wednesday night thoughts

2011-06-15T19:17:00.001-07:00

Plans like rules are apparently meant to be broken. I can't stay out all night, and the people I was supposed to hang out with all seem to have changes their plans. No big deal, but kinda disappointing.

Game 7 of the Stanley cup finals is on at the bar, and I am assuming that's why the place is as busy as it is...but who really cares about Boston v Vancouver? I don't even think the people originally from these places care about the outcome, which sucks because Game 7 is a blessing from the hockey gods, but a 3-0 score is not.

There's a table not too far from me that seems to be some sort of business outing, otherwise it just doesn't make sense. One guy, sitting at the head of the table and four attractive women all sitting around him, hovered in as if he's talking about the most important thing they will ever hear. Interesting and weird all rolled together.

I decided that I need to start doing something about my stomach and how I have to lose some weight a d hope that corrects my blood pressure Issues. I don't think its crazy out of whack like it used to be but I'd rather not fall over from a heartattack if I can prevent it. I know I need to take better care of myself and all, but I am definitely a lazy shit, so it's extremely difficult for me to motivate myself.

I'm sure more is going on in my head, but someone just bought the entire bar a shot...

533: Post E3 feelings

2011-06-14T20:00:00.001-07:00

So I'm back from my trip to LA and everyone knows what I felt about that as I was enjoying myself as I always do but at the same time, disappointed in the feelings I had about being alone, not at the show, but in life in general. No sweat, though, the job keeps me busy enough as I continue to live like a hermit. Lol.

Arriving home, people have explained their jealousy of me and my trip, but otherwise, it is back to business as usual. Try to be successful in a world that doesn't get you laid, but you're the envy of 15 year old guys. Where's the irony there?

The show was amazing, and I saw more video game shit than I would k ow what to do with and of course will spend so damn much money on it. I think what I'll do is find both my facebook and twitter posts and compile them for people here in one or two blobs so they can see how I felt as I was seeing everything. Otherwise, you can look for me on youtube (robpotchak) to get 15 second scoops of what was happening AS IT HAPPENED. Man, I already miss being there, as it was MY ELEMENT. I feel lime that's where I could live like a king and be a success in alls eyes.

I think on my day off tomorrow I have every intention of finishing "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" so I can begin working on my improvement areas and make myself a monster of a manager, and maybe more...high aspirations for a retail store manager.

I've begun writing about a comic character created by me and someone else, using other tried ideas and spinning them on their ear to try to make them entertaining and different. We'll see how it comes out. I've decided to do what I call "snippet stories" as a way to make them quick, painless and easier on a n artist looking for something to do as they prepare for the next work.

I'll probably post the first script here after completion because it's interesting.

Gonna end this now, suddenly in a fun conversation about how "crew" is pr is not a sport....

532: tactical errors when making trip

2011-06-08T22:06:00.001-07:00

Next year, if I decide to come back to E3, I am definitely staying at one of the hotel rooms at one of the sponsored hotels, because the perks of doing so are better...I also need to make sure i'm not flat broke.

While I have had an amazing time, and enjoyed my experiences while here, I disallowed myself to really do anything except be healthier while here...I've walked about 8 miles over two days, had nothing to drink and feel like I may've lost ten pounds...but meeting up with outside people just didn't happen.

I've kept myself out of most bits of trouble, while running my mouth a bit to keep it fun. I had conversations with people both higher and lower on the gaming ladder and it is all fine and good...but...

Something is missing from my world right now...it's really beginning to bother me, too...dunno why, but it's really got me bothered now and I'm not even sure where I need to go with that bothered frustrations...

I look at this show and realize that it was the opportunity I should have taken to meet someone...or someones lol...but I didn't.

Uggh I feel happy and sad at the same time...how is that possible?

530: Fudged up flights ...

2011-06-06T18:32:00.003-07:00

So here we go, beginning my vacation on the wrong note.

Yesterday, my mom who was kind enough to watch my dogs and pick me up for my trip to the airport decided that she wanted to bring me to Durham last night, which she did, but only after a fight with me because she hadn't told me that I was going to see a movie. It all ended up working out, as the movie sold out, but I could.have had more notice of what she wanted to do before 7pm when I'm trying to go see a 7pm movie...anyway.

Today, I was dropped off at the airport 3.5 hours early, and that was no big deal, until that became 4.5 hours because the plane needed maintenance. I already don't like flying, but this may cause issues with my connectig flight and put into jeopardy the Nintendo conference I'm already thinking I may miss because I haven't gotten my badge holder for the show.

Oh well, I am actually typin this on the plane and whilebi DID bring my laptop with me, this is on my phone in airplane mode, which is nice because it gives me somethig to do on the flight...though if I'm that late for the connecting, I'm worried my carryon won't have room since I'll most definitely be the last one to board.

So I dropped some bombshells on Twitter today about rumored RAINBOW SIX and how the Kinect works with Ghost Recon and I wasn't even at the show yet. Couple that with that I nailed the BATTLEFIELD 3 release date, and eight months ago told everyone to expect a new Nintendo console at E3, you'd almost think I have an inside source for the biggest game show on the planet...truth is...I don't. Sure, I have friends in the industry, but they are locked down in NDAs so I just do what Michael Pachter always does...listen to the wind blow, know how the industry rolls and make educated guesses that really make sense.

People saying "expect the next Xbox" are two years off. You have to understand the highs and lows...People ask all the time when to expect DIABLO III? This one is simple... the industry is full of NYSE companies like EA, ACTIVISION and TAKE 2. That means expect DIABLO III when Activision isn't earning the capitol that they need to generate to make their share holders happy...THAT is why Nintendo is announcing a new System...price drops on the Wii haven't made sales happen and the 3DS while.amazing missed its projected sales in its first Quarter.

The industry really is that simple...Why is CALL OF DUTY not Kinect or Move supported? It doesn't have to be to sell buttloads...but Mass Effect 3 will add voice commands from Kinect because it was generally a 360 game and now to keep Microsoft happy, they are adding a reason to keep it on that system. Ghost Recon wants to be relevant? Add features the other shooters don't have and BAMMM cement your place back in people's minds.

I'll probably write more later, but this one basically just trned into a "I know I'm smart with the industry," but I think you already knew that. Lol

It's amazing how lucid one can be at 50,000 ft or whatever we ar up here. Like I said, I'll probably write more later, but by the time I get to my destination, Sony will have already announced God of War 4 and at least one Move game we weren't expecting...and Kevin Butler will probably make at least one joke about the network outage.

You may've heard it from me first, if I was allowed to tweet from the plane...

531: thoughts on the plane...

2011-06-06T18:32:00.001-07:00

So my first thought is that since I have my phone on airplane mode, is it 7:52 or 8:52? I have no idea how long I've been on the plane, but I know my phone is down to half a battery.

I came to a real decision the other day that I will not continue to pursue the single mom I've spent too much time blogging about, and instead I'm going to invest more time in figuring myself out and what I really want. I realized that even when buying a house, a car or any real decisions I've made, I ALWAYS compromised something, and I don't think when it comes to finding someone I want to spend "my life with" that I should compromise on ideals, beliefs or just wants...I mean, as I look back, I remember getting the Gray VIBE car even though I really wanted the blue...I settled for a one car garage on a house instead of the two I wanted, and then when you look at the woman I get most intrigued by seem to have more issues than positive qualities...

I recently learned, speaking of flaws, something I had heard but had no proof before yesterday. It seems my exwife really was pulled over for DUI again, in Hillsborough, and while what she does with her life is no story I care to hear about...how do you allow yourself to continue down the road when you've seen others head down that slippery slope? Karma and luck are crazy hitches, but they are even worse drinking buddies.

I should be excited this week...I'm in my element and the women around are into the same things I am, so why do I feel "blah?"

I obviously don't want to come across as that fork the booth babes have to smile to and then laugh at when you leave, and I legitimately want to meet up with some people that I actually DO know, but I still would like to meet some new life long NORMAL video gamers NOT the folks who only leave mom's basement for this and Star Trek conventions...

30 minutes left on the first flight and then I have to run two gate sections to try to not miss my flight as it will be boarding by the time I'm off here...maybe I can get a ride on one of those carts...

I would say at this rate, expect two more blogs tonight and if I can't sleep maybe I'll cue up a video one when I get to my hotel...man, I'm expecting it to be a dump... so hopefully its ok...

528: I used to write fiction...

2011-06-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

It's true, I did. I used to write about plagues taking over and killing off large chunks of the populace to make way for only the strong to survive. I used to write funny books about ebonic speaking X-Men, vampire murderers and a lot of crazy shit, back in the day. So what the fuck happened?

I got too wrapped up in crappy ass shit in the "real world." I stopped going balls out and trying to impress the world with my written word, and every good idea I've had has turned into gobbledygook that never gets finished. Without deadlines, I'm stale. Without real possibility it will get published, I don't continue to touch it, and I'm not in a creative place in life to where I can get the good stuff published anymore.

I mean, let's just look at some of my past wonders that were never done:

THIEF, a story about redemption after something horrible created the circumstance.
REHAB, the life of a villain, as he believed it to be a disease and not destiny.
DreadMutt, the story of the interstellar bounty hunting dog, always emasculating guys as he beats sense into them,
ARDY, my 1986 creation that I still wear T-shirts for and still want to see happen as a cartoon someday
LANDIS, my "most famous" story, drawn by Avengelyne's artist, Owen Gieni and even cover work from DC's own Ethan Van Sciver, about an immortal in a super-powered world, and her search for Thor's hammer.
TAGGER, the sequel to Landis, as another immortal actually witnesses a virus turn normal humans into zombies, his attempt to save the remnants of humanity, as he finds himself in the process.

I mean, these are just some of the ideas...there's also, Before the Dawn, the revamp of Scorn and much more, yet, I find myself with no interest to continue any of them, least of all, start another. I am not sure why, but I believe it's because I feel no motivating factor to get this done. My artwork is not good enough for anything other than photoref work, and even that, people either like it or not, but it would never be good enough for a 22 page comic or a 96 page graphic novel that I'd shop to Image or anyone else.

I dunno, I find myself dragged down by something that prevents me from doing anything about it, but as you all can read, I definitely have the writing chops to pump this out every so often. I don't get it...I used to write fiction, now I just seem to write "Woe is me."

527: Numbness and mental anarchy

2011-06-02T00:33:00.000-07:00

Before I really get into a 3am diatribe about myself, does everyone like the new look of the place? I do. I thought about changing the actual blog font, but figured it may be too difficult to read if it was in a silly font, so I just spruced up the rest of the site, felt that I made it easier to read and so forth...The White on black fonts sometimes to me feel easier to read at night than the black on white.

Tonight I saw her. I was at where I always am, and it seemed weird to start. I saw her, she sat down, I sat next to her and started asking about the things in her life, her kids, her dad, etc, and while not trying to be nosey, was asking to show I actually sympathized and wanted to be there to listen, etc for her. Two of her friends showed up and split us up from just the two talking, and I move across the table. Her friend was discussing about how she was inches away from breaking up with her boyfriend over what time she was supposed to pick him up, and she stated, "Had he listened initially, he would know, I told him tomorrow, not tonight..." yada yada yada. I joked and said that believing he listened was her first mistake, but then I asked, "so this is something big enough to break up over?"

The joke then turned a bit funnier, when her friend said, "You best watch it, Rob, otherwise, she may take you out..." meaning the more literal of beating me up, but I took the moment to make a joke and stated, "Well, that may be good for her...to take me out."

So as the night progressed, I found out that the one I've chatted about at long end about has split from the guy that she started seeing when she stopped any type of "interest" in me. I started joking with her about a few things, minor adolescent flirts, and then pretty much left that part alone. At the end of the night, we went outside and I walked her to her car, and chat with her, and while she was talking about certain things she seemed really sure about (her son, etc), but then I noticed she stopped making eye contact with me, again, and when I asked her why, she said that only one other person knows why she tries not to, and that since I couldn't read her, good luck trying to figure it out.

It was awkward towards the end. When she stopped our fiddling around a month ago, she didn't look me in the eye, but she was able to tell me she didn't want it anymore...tonight, she didn't say anything, she just stopped looking at me, and made small talk about how she should probably go. I took this as a "Nothing changed with us, here..." And an awkward pause, while not sure how to rid herself of the loyal stray...

I don't get it. Why am I intrigued by the situation? Why do I push myself into pursuit, when at this point, I'm probably just wasting more time and effort than I should?

I dunno, and because of that, it seemed, that while I know she's going through a whole heckuva lot, she's pushing everything and everyone away from her, at least from my perspective, but mainly, pushing me away because I've actually shown interest in wanting to help her find her smile, again.

The mental anarchist moment I have here is why do I punish myself with this? I've applied more effort for no result, I've attempted to connect with no wireless service, and I even think my intelligence has probably been insulted when all I've done this time is be the nice guy who's trying...

What do I know? I already know where my mental hangup is...if only I could shoot it up, get rid of it and start doing what I need to for me to get back out there and meet the right person for me...or at least for the next couple weeks...

526: Full day...

2011-06-01T17:24:00.000-07:00

I told myself I had to get a lot done, today. I had to take my bike down to Durham to get it looked at, and then repaired. Turns out that the carbeurator had been completely blocked, and thus, needed to get a massive cleaning, and then it worked fine. The trip itself took me an hour and a half to get down to the place to do it, because even though I only live about 25 miles from it, there's no easy way there. I was, however, able to get back from there in an hour and five minutes, I guess less waiting at lights, the bike was running better so it probably was going a tad faster, as well.

I also had to head to downtown Raleigh to get my travel permit for my E3 trip next week, which while its going to be awesome, looks like it is going to have one crazy snag...I can't use my cellphone, because Verizon thought it nice enough to tell me I may be over my minutes AFTER I went over my minutes. So, here, I'll finish the part about the travel permit, and then write my frustrations about the rest, next. I had my friend pick me up in Durham, and after a side track, we headed to Raleigh, I waited 15 minutes for my permit, and then she showed up, I signed the sheet of paper and bazinga, I was on my way BACK to Durham, so that she could get her Driver's License renewed, and then we headed back for my bike. So yes, Raleigh, Durham, Raleigh, and Durham again.

The sidestep that we had was to get me fitted for a Tuxedo for a wedding at the end of the month. Man, did I look FAT in it...not to be mistaken, however, I did look damn good for a fat guy...So they are right, I liked the way I looked...and they guaranteed it...for $180. Yeesh.

Okay, so back to the cellphone business. I just sent an email to my boss regarding this measure, because my phone at my store for some reason, the tone on the #3 button does not allow me into our conference call, so I've had, on multiple occasions, to call from my cell phone. So each of these calls made from my personal number should be reimbursable, as they were probably the majority of my minutes, since I almost never TALK on the phone, and I have both unlimited msg and data. So, I'm hoping that I get reimbursed for this, because I believe its $.45 per minute over and as of this morning, I was already over by 12...

I also checked in on my dog, who hasn't been doing well, and the doctors now know that what she has is "Lung Related," so hopefully they can give her the drugs necessary to boot it out of her system. Here's hoping, anyway, because I would really like to see her healthy again.

Now to something else:

Over the past week or so, I realized something that I hadn't noticed before...I was getting sentimental about stupid little shit, and it led me to make the distinction that I believe I'm depressed. No, not to the point where I'd go, and someone will find me all David Carradine'd in my bathroom, or anything, but to the point where I'm in a funk that I'm not sure how to rid myself of.

Okay, here's the selfish part, besides friends, family, dogs and work, I don't have a lot going on. I miss the companionship that I once had. No, I do not miss my ex-wife, but I miss the ability to go home, and find myself able to not just talk about my day, but rest next to someone else. I'm one of those people who actually likes that, and while I like my own thing more often than not, I have recently wanted to just be in that kind of warm fuzzy moment that comes with a relationship...

Therein lies the dilemma...I don't think I want another relationship, though, as after I get comfortable, I tend to take those for granted. I just kinda want to feel something out, enjoy the moments, and really like someone enough to where it makes me WANT more. I thought I was gaining in that area, and then it just seemed to stall out like a bad moped with a blocked carberator...see what I did there?

I know what my emotional hangup is. I don't take that chance because I typically only bet on the sure thing. Hell, reason I took the chance I did recently was because I knew she was into me, when she made a move while hammered on her birthday, and that allowed me the inch I needed to make the courage thing happen. I need that opening, and I just don't know when its there, and when someone is just being "Nice." I guess I could make my own luck, since that's what so many others do, but I play the numbers game, and it is always logic beating emotion. It sucks, too, because I'm an emotional cat, and yet I feel as though my rationale prevents me from taking certain risks because they aren't in the "high odds" category.

You can't get this much fodder anywhere else, can you? I mean, I'd talk about this with almost anyone that would listen, as that's just who I am, but I need something else in my life. Something that will garner me cleaning the apartment, something that will make me will myself to do things on my day off that I'd never consider right now (like going for a WALK), etc.

I have had a lot of different things that I wanted to do in my life, but I've never felt like I was really told, "You should DO THAT!" and then go out and become famous at it. My family negatively motivates, because they were negatively motivated. They don't always realize that's what they are doing, but they are. I love'm, and wouldn't trade them for a player to be named later, but sometimes, you just have to have that new person that not only do you impress them, but their words impress you...

And its been a long time since I have had someone that I have felt the need to impress with me.

525: Attempting Video...First attempt.

2011-05-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

So this is my first attempt at a video blog...vlogging, if you will. I can see that the sound is very low, so I'll have to see if I still have a microphone to determine if I want to continue this again. I also saw that I can actually record just the computer screen if I want to, which is pretty weird, or just do podcasting audiostyle, if I'd like, which I may go to, since most people probably don't need to see my mug.

Anyway, this video is about 6 minutes long or so,just me going from random thought to random thought, but I figured it's the first try, so I'll bang around a bit with it.

529: Am I the only one left?

2011-05-29T12:19:00.001-07:00

I don't normally complain about being lonely, but recently, my brother noted that a lot of people we know are getting married this year, and it struck him as odd. At the same accord, while it doesn't strike me as odd, it does strike in my chest from time to time as I feel that the relationship business has swept out and passed me by. I mean, when you think about it, Christy and I were together for so long that I forgot proper etiquate for dating, don't know the first thing about starting an open ended conversation not related to video games, wrestling or comic books, and I just am unsure about my "machismo" or whatever bullshit you want to call it. Is it an insecurity within me that prevents me from being able to make myslef interesting?

It shouldn't be that last thing as I know I'm not only interesting, but dammed loyal, almost to a fault.

I don't get it, but I'm not throwing a woe is me out there, I just don't get why they aren't interested. I'm a decent looking guy, I bend over backwards to get things done and I still just don't understand it.

Oh well, maybe I will be the last guy left, which means that at some point, I'm bound to fall into something...and it has to be better than this rut I find myself in.

It's interesting that I keep coming back to this issue, since I obviously have no idea how to correct it or move myself from it. Some nights I tell myself I'm a million bucks and I will show people I'm worth that, but then at half past ten, I'm back to just being the awkward guy who is always in the same place because it's comfortable, rather han breaking my mold, trying something different and showing more people that I should be the catch.

More interesting is that the things that interest me are becoming more popular, as can be seen by the abundance of good comic book related movies, TV series, etc that are attracting more women to them, and yet... still, no dice. Que?

I had a conversation with a younger girl that is interested in what seems to be a lot of the things I am also interested in and she seems to be in the same boat. She doesn't live nearby, either, otherwise I would probably try to show more interest, but we always seem to want what we can't have and it isn't even seemigly because we can't have, but because they don't want...

What is the trick? Is it lowering the standards? Is it random abductions and hoping for Stockholm syndrome? Or is it supposed to be, stop looking and it will find you? Because I think I would have a better chance with the second one over the third...though, ladies, that is NOT my style, lol.

With that said, I don't think I'm the only person suffering from mild depression, as I know that after an episode the other night, I believe another person is and apparently his life ain't where he wants either.

Okay, so I'll just say flat out that I'm writing and posting this guy from my phone, so if you notice spelling errors that I don't normally have, this is from my phone and when I go on a rant, I don't stop and look at the spelling, so some words may be replaced with garbage predictive text or whatever...

Oh, and I don't know if tonight is "Ladies Night" at the Fox and Hound in Raleigbbut there are more attractive women here than I have seen anywhere in months tonight...just saying.

And on that note, peace out...

524: I had two 522's...

2011-05-27T05:06:00.001-07:00

I hadn't written in a while and actually had someone text message me about it, but I told him I hadn't really had anything I wanted to write about...so I just didn't.

Situations with that girl have stalled entirely because she's had another family tragedy, so I haven't seen her, and aside from some texts and whatnot, no other communication so it just is what it is. I had gotten pissed off at the situation because I felt she made a bad choice, but in life those are the choices she's allowed to make and obviously, the logical thinker's opinion doesn't matter, no matter bow right it sounded or appeared.

Work has totally kicked my ass and whipped me back into shape with getting shit done, as well. I worked about 55-60 hours last week, getting my store in order the way my new regional manager wanted and I'm still unsure if it's exactly how he'd like, but it definitely allowed for some personal touch thinking, something I had not been allowed to do in probably the last two years.

My district manager told me the other night that I am not "where you should be professionally" due to the not being able to critically think for myself when those that stand out normally are allowed to make choices that can help their business. It stinks to hear, because I hadn't thought I changed, but I had, and now it's more about gettin the labors of my staff to where they need to be so that I can concentrate on directing the business. It is an interesting change in perspective, and will continue to be so going forward as long as the movement and growth are not taken from me again like a lobotomy.

I also saw Hangover Part Two, and it wasn't as funny as the first one, but it was hysterical and you should.definitely wait for the end credit photos. The movie was full with the same stylized jokes from the first film and Todd Phillips really knows bow to keep.someone entertained. This movie should definitely be taken in, and I think would be even better if you watched both together. I won't ruin it for anyone, but the drug dealing monkey is awesome.

Til next time...

522: lots on the mind, not sure how the words will flow.

2011-05-19T21:53:00.001-07:00

So my new regional boss is kicking my ass. I felt like I was busting my own ass, but apparently not. I believe him when he says he will get you to where you want to go, only I can't tell if he's trying to make that decision a "quit" as my choice, or a "promote me" from me.

He's intense, good at what he does, and he will never let.you feel like you accomplished something. These are good traits, unless you HAVE accomplished a lot of things.

Anyway, unlike EVERYONE else, he has been in my store almost everyday this week, and he really does put in the time.

The girl situation is still bugging me, but only because she's been in a down mood recently, and I can't figure out why. I just haven't been communicating with her as much because I have nothing to gain from it, and while I worry about her, if she isn't willing to say, "this is what's bothering me" than I can't help and all advice from everyone is generic and doesn't accomplish anything... but what do I know...

I guess more soon...

522: Investing too much of myself to nothing.

2011-05-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

So I had this want to call her last night, and I just didn't. I also wanted or felt the need to get a drink last night and I didn't. I also woke up at 7am this morning, when I don't have to be at work until 3pm... this is a terrible feeling, as I will undoubtedly run out of gas before that. Unfortunate, too, as I have my boss and his boss coming to my store tonight for the launch of LA Noire, and then tomorrow, I'm supposed to possibly have THEIR boss coming to my store...yeesh.

Anyway, I feel that I'm at the end of trying to feel for something that isn't really there. I'm not anticipating gaining anything from how I feel for someone in this specific situation, as I've already run most of the outcomes through my head, and really feel like Tony Stark at the beginning of Civil War...a futurist.

Isn't it weird when you have all the answers, know what the proper solution is, but because you've deduced that through logic, it has to be thrown out the window because it isn't about logic, it's about emotion, and the feelings you have.

If I were able to just convert the feelings to understand the logic, I'd already be moving to the next situation. Oh well, guess that's part of my self management that needs to be worked on as well.

I'm finding myself getting pissed off at the situation from the other night. Not because I didn't do anything, but because the asshole gets a pass for talking shit about defenseless people. Everyone gets to choose how they live their life, but for fuck's sake...really? I just don't get people.

Argh...I'm sure my mind will still be on this later...

521: Calm before a storm or two...

2011-05-14T08:14:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I upgraded the look of blogger, LOL and didn't even realize it. I've been thinking of adding some Vlogging to the site, since all I have to do is click that little button and add videos, now. I dunno, though, because normally, when I'm typing on here, I'm a little "less than appropriate," as I am typically not "business casual" while typing.

The rewrite on BEFORE THE DAWN is coming along. I almost want to just scan the original proposal in, as I said it was 10 years old, but it has to be older than that, because it was before Smallville started, and that show, having just finished it's tenth season, had to have been going longer than that, with hiatus' and how seasons linger into the new year, etc.

My LIKE page on Facebook (search Rob Potchak, it's the hand drawn art one), has 262 likes, and I'd like to increase that. I have stated for every 50 new LIKES, I will give free artwork away. I think this is a pretty swank offer, but what do I know? People always want me to draw something, but they never want to pay for it? Did it take time for me to do it? Yes. Did I put an effort into making you look good in it? Yes. Why can photographers get paid for it, and anyone with another talent just gets brushed to the side as, "oh, nice hobby, can you draw ...?"

I'm in a bit of a mood today, as my poker game got cut short with this hand... I had in the pocker Ace, Seven. I call the raise because it's just two people. Flop comes up: Queen Seven Seven...Three of a kind. I've stoned the other player. Now, rope him in...I check, he bets, I raise, he calls. Next card, a nine. He bets, I raise, he calls. WTF does he have? River, a Jack. He checks, I go all in, he calls and yells, "I flopped a straight..." He had King Ten, so he did WIN the hand, but are you serious? You flopped GARBAGE... you kept betting it...and while you were dominated, you basically took about a 2.5% chance, and ended up catching it. ANY other of those cards shows up other than an inside straight jack, on the river, and I double up and the rest of the game goes differently.

I have to work today, tomorrow, a midnight opening the next night and then on Tuesday. Originally I was working through Thursday, but now, my assistant manager has explained that he has an engagement party on Saturday that HE NEVER REQUESTED OFF FOR...Really? How the fuck am I supposed to know you want the time off when you didn't follow the request for time off rules?! Am I being too hard on the situation? I don't think so. This is like the 4th time he's had an issue with the schedule, and his statement was, "I didn't get a chance to talk to you about my schedule before you wrote it..." you are right, because you didn't follow the guidelines. I should make him work that shit. I feel for the kid, I really do, but this is like the third time he's fucked with a weekend off for me because he didn't follow a VERY SIMPLE RULE.

Anyway. I need to actually get ready for work, and figure out what to do with no money, since my debit card was left in a cash machine, I believe...God, I'm an idiot sometimes.

520: Emotionally Intelligent? Or am I preparing for emotional letdown, again?

2011-05-13T16:53:00.001-07:00

So I took a test yesterday as part of the book I'm reading (Emotional Intelligence 2.0) required, and here are the results of it vs. people in the same age bracket and work field:

Overall Emotional Intelligence: 82.0%
Your overall emotional intelligence score of 86 is higher than 82.0% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
Personal Competence
76.0%    Self-Awareness
Your score of 85 is higher than 76.0% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
57.0%    Self-Management
Your score of 79 is higher than 57.0% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
Social Competence
85.5%    Social Awareness
Your score of 87 is higher than 85.5% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
93.5%    Relationship Management
Your score of 93 is higher than 93.5% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.

Why is this important? It allows me to see that while there is still areas for improvement in my own management ability (especially in the Self Management category), I have a very keen understanding in how to run a business, but also, an even stronger sense in how to read people, feel them out, and keep a strong running business.
This is all wonderful, until we try to shift it to personal life. Why am I saying this? It appears that I am more socially aware of things than I am self-aware, implying I know more about what's going on AROUND me, than I necessarily know about myself. Almost as if, I know your emotions, and can use them to my advantage, but when turned around, and needing to utilize my own, I do not do it in nearly the same fashion…hence…

We'll use my current personal turmoil. With "Girl," was able to understand that she had a serious doubt about her recent decision, only two weeks after making the decision. She said things like she shouldn't have wanted space when trying to deal with the passing of a friend, but she didn't know how to ask for anything else. She knew she didn't want to push me away, and felt my words were pushing her away, or at least that's what she said. Now, when you add that to the changing in old boy's behavior when he's had a few drinks and discussed her with his family, she questions a decision that was so clear cut, just a short while ago. But while she was questioning the decision, she would not SAY she was questioning the decision, and her "look" and her lack of decision making forced me to do one of two things…make a move, or tell her I'd respect her original decision until she decides it was wrong. I could tell her I felt she made the wrong decision, but my opinion of it is bias, and all semi-intelligent amoebas could see that.
In a way, I had the same hiccup she did. In my work environment, we call this STAR vs. STARAR…
SiTuation + Action = Result vs. SiTuation+Action=Result +Alternate action = new Result.
Basically, the definition of insanity vs. the realization that a new action must be taken to get a different result.
Now, in a workforce environment, this is easier implemented. In an personal environment, you have specific things your mind builds around, buffers, disconnects and bumps in the road that have led you to the decisions you make.
Here, I made the decision to NOT do something and respect her, instead of trying to make a move on her that would have given her the ability to react in a way that I could see she wanted, but then the alternative result could have been different than sitting there for 2 hours and talking… ie, could have been good, like she tell me that I am right and she needs to make the right decision; she could have felt an extreme amount of guilt, shied away and left a lot faster, or I could have been totally wrong on my read (which I don't for a second believe), and she could have told me that I was completely wrong, called me an ass for making a pass at a vulnerable woman, and left in disgust.
Obviously, there are many other possible results that could have come up, here, but the general rule is the most logical decisions are just that, though when it comes to emotion, there's no real way to tell which result will come, and because of that, I typically choose the result before the alternative action can take place…ie, the simple road, and due to that, I think I'm setting myself up for emotional letdown.
Sure, I liked the result…talking to someone I'm interested in for 2 hours, just me and her, letting my opinion of what's going on with her out in the open and discussing my feelings when this is something I haven't done since my ex-wife. I'm opening up to a person who has the same disconnects, but while I'm opening up, she's sitting there and staying hardshelled and wall built, stating "I've never been allowed to say what I'm feeling, so I can't."
My actions make me want to push the situation, be closer to her, so I can help mold the decisions, but I'm not sure that's fair.
I explained it like the movie INCEPTION. In the movie, the idea is to place a base fragment of a memory in someone's brain so they believe the idea is theirs, it grows, so a decision can be made that is different from any decision they may've come up with on their own. With Girl, this is probably what I'm doing.
I know she has feelings for me, but I want to mold those feelings so that she knows that I was the right choice, vs. the guy she's known for years, had something special with and now, shortly after they've rekindled, already having some serious issues with. The idea is to make myself into the better man, have her realize SHE came up with that distinction, and have her make the decision.
Is it a mind game? Yes. Why would it not be, everything else in the cat and mouse game is, why would this be any different? Problem is, the history she shares with him gives him mulligans that I just have not built up, and thus, it's not only an uphill battle, but a damned near impossible one if the guy never makes another mistake…
Then I'm just the oddball left out.

519: Keys to the castle

2011-05-12T06:27:00.000-07:00

I'm almost wondering if I should change the name of this blog to the subject line, because that's pretty much what this is...the keys to the inner me. Hell, I even took the dissection of Rob and made it into my online dating profile because I figured it was better to be real, and let people know what they are getting into ahead of time.

---

So last night was an interesting one. Besides hitting up two different bars and having a good time with different people, I watched my buddy Tino sing a set, and then got to the Fox to sing two songs, and then it got interesting.

The girl I have been writing about (whom I refer to as girl, because it really isn't fair to talk about her by name), was at the Fox and I asked if everything was okay. She had written a msg on her facebook page talking about people's true colors, and while a part of me thought she may've been talking about me, but overall, I knew I hadn't done anything or said anything since the week prior, so I wanted to see what she meant.

She told me she "guessed" she was alright, but her dude had said hurtful things to her, regarding not just herself, but others in her life, and then claimed it was a drunken stupor rant and that he didn't remember any of it.

I gave her a warning statement that I was going to say something, and I would tell her whether I liked her or not in a more than friend kinda way (because that's how ballsy I am, lol). I said, "when people are drunk, the truth comes out. To claim he doesn't remember is cowardice, and it isn't something you need."

I didn't really say much else, but when we left, I walked her to her car, and the two of us just kinda sat down and started talking...well, her listening more than talking. She looked at me and was like, "what, Rob?" so I just went ahead and told her, "You made the wrong decision." We talked for another hour an a half after that, and it was just a talk, with quips at everything she had said to me. I learned some things, like the fact that after her friend passed away, she felt I tried to push her away, which I am not sure how, when I said I think that was reversed. I told her I would give her whatever she needed at that point, whether it be a hug, a shoulder, or space. I wasn't sure what she wanted, and she chose door number 3, and last night told me that space wasn't the right choice.

I pointed out that the reason a lot of what I said sounded like it came off wrong is because the one thing we didn't do was talk on the phone or in person about it, and I think that it was misconstrued. I told her that my statement to "celebrate the person's life" is because that's what the person looking down on you would want...not all the crying and hubbub. I said, if anyone understands this, it's me, because my grandmother passed on my birthday and then I received the birthday card from her later in the week. Anyway, getting back to it...

The main point I was getting at was because she didn't tell me HOW to be there for her, I couldn't, and I can't take all the blame, but I was still wrong for not SAYING it and just typing it.

We continued talking, and she started giving me "the look." I told her to stop, and she was like, "I'm just lookin at you." and we both knew she wasn't. I diverted attention to the fact that technically, she "had a man," and that the look she was giving me was going to get someone in trouble. I made a couple jokes and got real laughter out of her, and commented on it, saying, "Yeah, that's all me. I bet it's been a long while since you laughed like that...it's because I'm a funny mother fucker."

She told me her hurt wall was back up, but she rested her head on my shoulder. We just sat there, and every time I'd ask her what she was thinking, she would clam up. So I told her to just say something, and she goes, "Trees are green." ...I corrected her, "Trees are brown, leaves are green. Duh." more laughter.

I got the look again, and I said that I had too much respect for her to try to make a move while she was "with someone else."

At about 3:45am, we said our goodbyes, she said she'd let me know when she got home...and she still hasn't. ...let me know...maybe she hasn't gotten home yet...I dunno. I'm probably going to wait a tad longer (like noon), and call her to make sure she did get home, because as the nice asshole I am, I was a tad worried.

518: 2 hours before work

2011-05-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

Just some random quick thoughts:

- I hope the WWE turns Christian heel after his title loss and keeps him in the title picture. I want a good heel, though, one who thinks he's righteous, so before you know it, he turns face again and you love him even though you are supposed to boo him...y'know...like the ROCK.

- Lots of changes happening at the day job, and I worry for my boss. I think he sees the door closing on him, and it has a lot to do with his other managers. I was upset that my store fell from 99 in the company (out of 4400) to 223 this past week because of one bad week. But the ONE BAD WEEK, was absolutely the worst week my store has had in years. Sad thing is, most stores would have killed for a week at 3027. Notice the difference there?

- I got an invite to Nintendo's E3 press conference, so I am now on the list and just have to get myself to their shuttle pickup to go to it. I'm SUPER excited as they will be showing a NEW console for the first time since the Wii! WOWSERS!

- I haven't drawn anything in a while and feel as though I need to do more freehand work, instead of just the photorealistic work.

- My new attitude on things seems to be a hit, LOL. I am enjoying just being myself, but I really don't have a shut off valve for my mouth right now, so watch out. I feel if I were to meet some new people, I may be the hit of THEIR party, too.

- I have started watching Dr. Who (the new version), and I have to say, it seems like stupid british genius. I'm only two episodes in, but it's wacky and has a 70's Buck Rogers feel to it.

- I can't wait for White Collar's return. Or Burn Notice. Or The League.

- My dog won't stop whining and it is really beginning to piss me off. It's just damned annoying.

- You should play Portal 2.

- ach, time to bolt.

517: the empty hole again.

2011-05-07T22:47:00.000-07:00

feeling a bit low
trying to pull back up
thinking I'm too good
to be held back
taking my beatings
licking my wounds
drawing from my heart
seeing the world in new light
power radiates
burning from within
knowing I'm better
waiting for someone to see
that's why I'm me
in this empty hole again

---

Did I expect to write poetry tonight? No. Why should I? I haven't written anything like that in a very long time, nor do I typically feel prosey. As you can tell, the words I write in poetry are just fractioned sentences, feelings poured on the page. I don't consider myself good at writing poetry because I don't follow any of the rules.

The reason for this entry is because while I know I'm busting my ass at work and trying to sustain life as I know it, I am finding myself more and more listless. I want something else, and I'm starting to crave it, in a desperate frame, if you will. While I'm not begging or anything like that, I can feel the heart wander and demand, while I still sit back, holding myself back from going out and getting what I want.

I've started saying what I want and how I feel, but I am still not all there with that way of living. I am moving into that role, being me, liking me and selling me for top dollar. I'd love to just dive in, but my approach is babysteps, here...even though I know it CAN'T be.

oh well, what'cha gonna do?

516: on my mind...Dissection of Rob:Body and Mind

2011-05-05T10:48:00.001-07:00

So I get told these things all the time...stop me if you have heard them all:

1- You are a great guy, and someday, you'll make a woman very happy

2- You are cool people, and I like hanging out with you

3- Why are you single?

4- With all your talents, I can't believe you aren't with someone

So it's easy to dissect them, because all of these statements have come from women that I've been close to, wanted to be close to, or are just friends that have opinions that matter to me. Actually, some of them are just random girls I know, as well, but I hear these things constantly?

The rumor that it will find you if you aren't looking is NOT true. That's the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever heard. What I don't get, though, is if I'm such a catch...why haven't I been caught? Many people would take this as a sign of depression, the ol' woe is me approach, but seriously...what am I missing, what am I lacking, and why, in the eyes of women who let me in the front door as a friend, am I really that great of a guy that will make someone happy?

I have no answers to any of these questions. Here's how I typically look at myself:

We'll start with my negative feelings about myself
I'm 33 years old
pale complexion with freckles
25 pounds overweight right now
when it comes to saying what I like, I'm shy. I have a hard time going to start the convo.
I'm short. 5'8"
I work in a field that is dominated by male customers, so women are hard to come by, and when they do, it's normally for their man.
I'm honest to a fault (some of these are huge positives, as well, mind you).
I'm a nerd, geek, and want someone who is not against these things (video games, comics, pro-wrestling, sports, scifi, horror, etc)
I'm T-shirt and Jeans...
I don't drive (currently)

Okay, I've downtrodden myself enough here, so let's go with the positives:
I am loyal
I'm devoted
I have an ungodly amount of charisma
I am brutually honest
I WILL make you laugh
I can sing
I can write
I can draw
I am outgoing to where I bring the party
I am good with kids
I love dogs
I love my family
I love my friends

So let's break this down...notice: EVERY single one of my "flaws" is physical and EVERY positive is something that you have to see or get to know. You can't beat those odds, because I know that while those are the things in my mind, it stems back to a long time before that, when I would hear it.

This is why I've taken my current approach of "Love me or hate me, I'm still me...and I WILL show (tell) you that." It isn't much different than how I've always been, but truth is, I am going to start telling you I think you are attractive, and I think I'm even going to start telling people that they are missing out, and you know why?

Because every girl polled knows it, and maybe its time the rest the them did, too.

Woot.

515: I don't feel like being on the computer all day, so about last night...

2011-05-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

So last night was the first time I'd seen "the girl" since she decided to re-hook with a former interest and left me in the rain. No sweat, I'm actually okay with it, but it was a little on the awkward side when she comes up, gives me a hug, and just stops talking with him, asks me how my trip was, and tell me she was jealous I went to Yankee stadium...oh, then introduced me.

But what was funny about the whole situation, I shook his hand as I was leaving and as I left the bar, he followed me out and stopped me to chat. I don't know if I just didn't want to like the guy or whatever the case may be, but...this dude was boring. He just started talking about nothing, and it seemed that maybe, besides her, he wanted to have a friend here...and I just think I'd sympathize for him, but I couldn't help but yawn at him.

She came outside, and looked cold, I of course, wearing a jacket and offer it to her, she declines and then HE insists she take it...LOL, really? He wanted to continue talking about just random nothings. She's freezing, wearing my jacket and he wants to just continue with the blah blah blah.

He walked away to put out his smoke, and she kinda looked at me and shrugged her shoulders.

Wow...I guess if they really have something special when they are alone, that's one thing, but while I was worried about having things in common, I just think this guy's best act is to put others to sleep at night.

I know I sound like I'm hating, and I'm not trying to, but the reason why people like me is the personality, and he just seemed to be sorely lacking. The kind of guy that won't sing at the karaoke bar, while standing to watch with his arms crossed like he's ready to go.

And having been the person that found that lost love after a long layover somewhere else... it normally doesn't work out the second time for the same reasons it didn't the first time. The only problem is, you try to keep it going much longer the second time...and then it breaks you even harder.

It's no big deal, I've decided I'm just gonna be me and enjoy myself. I felt like a million bucks when I got back from vacation, and it's time to punch the depression in the mouth. Sure, coming home alone to the pups is a little disheartening, but I think I've put up a front and don't try to talk to people when I probably should...I want to try something else, and think I'm going to.

514: Try again...

2011-04-29T13:14:00.001-07:00

There are no words to really describe how you feel about your oldest friends. Brother, "My boys" etc. Often times we do not say we love them, but you know it. The same can be said about a budding relationship that builds over time. You know it, they know it, but it isn't until it's said that it takes a foothold.

John explained to me that the first time he took Raquel out, he had started kinda seeing someone. But it wasn't until a few days after his first date with Raquel, when she called him to tell him she had a nice time that it took that hold. Me, I would have thought it would have been after she said yes to the first date being an AC/DC concert... I mean, that should have had john putting a ring on her finger there.

I don't know when they became a couple officially, but I
know that when I meant Raquel, john was trying to say it wasn't serious, while in a juvenile way was kinda motioning "check out what I landed! YEAH!"

John's always been very meat and potatoes...at least up til about 2-3 years ago, when he started traveling the world, and getting more cultured than his "Roll Tide" persona. He will probably disagree, but I bet it had to do with impressing someone.

I don't know Raquel well, but you can see that these two really enjoy each other, respect each other and finally, love each other.

They don't seem to question each other, they simply stand by each other knowing that they can handle anything that stands in their way. John's a special guy and Raquel must be special as well, for these two to have found each other and built a bond that stand the test of time.

None of us lose here, folks...we all gain. Some gain a son, others a daughter, a brother or a sister, or even those not related, gaining another piece to our lifelong friendsbips...Let's ring them in with a toast and wish them a lifetime of happiness.

513: The speech.

2011-04-29T12:19:00.001-07:00

I'm going to write a little into this, a heads up if you will.

John and I have known each other for well over a decade, and he's probably the only friend I have never had a fight with. I'm not sure why, we have seen each other at our best and at what was probably each other's worst. We've seen each other go through nasty break ups, and even both got dumped on "Independence Day."

While most of our long conversations consist of sports, I know he's heard me break down, and I'm pretty sure I've heard him do it as well. Anyway, he's one of my best friends, and I probably should have known my marriage wouldn't last when he told me he couldn't make it. So let's try to write a speech.

Hmm...I have writers block. Haha...let's get back to it.

512: Okay, time to get passed it...

2011-04-27T20:35:00.001-07:00

So I'm telling myself I have to get passed the situation because I have a feeling I'm going to see her more often than I'd like, because at least our Wednesday social circles overlap, and I want to believe she was being honest on her "don't want to hurt you" statement. I do think that if she liked what was happening between us, it should have been the other guy she told she had something with someone else, but whatever. I know long distance things don't work, but I don't know what her deal is and I guess I shouldn't care, either...so I am going to move away from this.

Today, first day I was in NY, and it really felt good. I hadn't seen John in about two years and what's great is we just get along, give our opinions and our friendship has always been a shining spotin my life and I am honored and privileged to be his best man this weekend. Our trip to Atlantic City tomorrow is gonna be a crazy go round, though I've got to be careful with the money, as I really don't have any to waste, and I'll still be wasting some of it, lol.

Other friends show up tomorrow and while it has a chance to be THE HANGOVER, I don't think it will ever get that crazy, but what do I know?

Raquel, John's fiancee, seems great for him as they just get along and compliment each other well, which is good. I have seen him put himself out there in other relationships and this time, I think that it really has to do with the compliment feelig that drew him to her and he told me a story of how he met her and how he knew he wanted to continue talking to her after she called him back and told him she enjoyed it. She reached out and he liked that. He wasn't chasing her and she wasn't chasing him. It was a partnership from launch, and that's what he needed.

Wonder if I'll ever find that for myself...since I am not just "fun to chill with, " I typically make the party what it is.

511: Should I be hurting or feeling this much?

2011-04-27T02:15:00.001-07:00

Over the past 24 hours, I have given people access to this blog that I normally think I would have just kept to myself, so that they may see how I felt, and what happened that made me think something was starting, before the train of fear detailed whatever may've been going on.

The people I discussed it with all said I had a reason to be not just upset, but mad, because they know I don't let the emotions start unless it is seemingly going to be worth the ride.

When I would look in her eyes, I saw something, sure, but I do think she mistook something, and I believe that I'm being true by saying I never asked for a relationship from her, but to see where a blossom was headed. The playfulness of the situation was new, fresh and witty to me. Sure, it made me feel things I hadn't felt in years for someone, but that led to excitement of all possibilties.

If I tried to put myself in her shoes, a single mom of two, who had been hurt not just emotionally, but physically, than I am 100% different than those that came before me, so psychologically, am something completely different than what she is used to or understands. (Hm, why do I tend to choose the broken projects? Maybe I'll come back to this in a minute or another post) I get the fear from her, but not the lying veil to create space.

Maybe I am part of the problem, too. My emotions here did not create a lash out, but a need for understanding and a desire for the truth. I have a strong personality. I know this, but I pretty much give everything to those I care about (at least in my mind) and give my opinion ALL the time (for better or worse ). It is who I am, and is definitely an underlying theme of this blog, if you hadn't noticed. Maybe she felt I was asking too much of her, or more than she is willing to open up, even though to me, that isn't an issue because I am an open book. I really do believe that being honest is key, and here there was already someone doing their damndest to NOT be honest.

The topic of this entry was whether I should be hurt or mad at her for this situation. If she really looked someone else in the eye and saw love at first (re)sight, I guess that's one thing. And even then, just TELL ME. I am a goddamned man, and I handle the truth better than most because I demand it. She fell into the normal trappings of wanting to ease her pain, and I think she expected me to get mad at her for it, and all I did was say, I wish you have just told me. At thhat moment, I don't think I was mad, but now, I am not so sure.

I'm bummed, that much is for certain, because, with my heart on my sleeve, it got sneezed on, the nose wiped and then thrown away, rather than embraced, or at least continued on with its innocence.

I have been told it's her loss by male and female friends alike, and while the sentiment is nice, they give me too much credit. I am a good guy, yes, but not without fault. Do I deserve someone nice, loving, and caring that "gets" me, sure, I think everyone does, unless they are a fucking prick, to which I don't feel they deserve the ground where they stand.

Alas, I am preparing to board a plane, knowing that while I am hurt, I have to bury that to send my bachelor friend off to marital bliss, and knowing that two other close friends also cemented their relationship foundation with an engagement this week. Good for all of them, I am happy, proud, and glad to be a part of the rides. This trip couldn't come at a better time bit I'm hoping I can be the ME I am rather than the me I am right this moment.

I guess I will continue to ponder whether I should be mad or not. I still haven't figured out whyI actually car about it this much...

511: Decisions made for you...move on or wallow in selfpity

2011-04-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

Don't you love when you don't have to make the decision and it makes sense...like on a date, one person determines the type of food they will eat, or when you go to the movies, bowling, or even at work, someone makes the decision for you. It can work out great...

Or it can make you feel like shit.

Case in point. Last night, I was blown off by the girl I had been communicating with, feeling out the dating process, etc. Now, it wasn't your typical blow off. She still allowed me to sit next to her with a group of people, but something was wrong, and very standoff-ish. Someone with a substandard intellect could have seen that the same cuteness was gone. You know, along with the text messaging, whatever. So I finally asked, "you mad at me?" "No," was the reply. My retort, "Well, if you want me to leave, I will..." "Nah, you're cool to chill with." .......REALLY?

I'm not an idiot. I'm not exactly a rarebreed genius, but communications ARE my strong suit, as it allows me to excel in my chosen field. This is far from the feeling out the dating process line.

So, the night continues, and as her defenses subside with alcohol. new ones present themselves. Some in the form of other people, some in the form of moving from one table to another where she isn't sitting directly next to me.

Tino finished playing his set, and as everyone left, it was time for confrontation. I looked right at her, and she said that when she flew up to Maine to bury her friend, she rekindled something with someone that started like 6 years ago, and that she didn't feel anything like that for me.

The decision was made before anything could begin. I was told by a girl that less than two weeks ago was slipping up in her words like a highschool girl with her first crush, that there was nothing. Best part, she wouldn't look me in the eye. First rule of denial. She tells me she's sorry, and I ask why? "Because I like you as a friend, and I didn't want to hurt you." This time I get the eye contact. Her words are true there, after something she wasn't fully honest about. I turn to her and ask, "Well, if there wasn't anything there, how could I be hurt?"

I told her I was happy for her if she had found happiness, and she stated something along the lines that I helped her get there, as well as the untimeliness of her travels. I am not sure how a blooming SOMETHING with a person led you to full-blown romance with someone else, and I'd not care to find out.

At this point, her eye contact was more previlent, as if she were trying to make sure I was okay, while reassuring me that it wasn't me, and that it was her. Yes, I went there with this. Her speech was filled with a thick Maine accent, that really felt like it was more remembered than true.

Throughout the night, I found her minorly insulting different things I enjoyed, digging to push away, and now I knew why...a long distance relationship. Humorous as it may be, I held it together, not really one for emotion in these types of situations. I DID, however, laugh at her when she told me she didn't feel anything for me, and she asked, "why are you laughing?" Why not. While maybe not a bold faced lie, it wasn't the truth, and anyone that had seen us together, hanging out, knew that was the case. I'm not sure what made it feel right, but it did...

So anyway, I gave her a hug, and now, at 3:15am, she looked at me, tilting her head, I explained to her it's all in the eyes, and she didn't understand. I explained that my latest drawing of eyes were hers, and they said something different than the words coming from her lips. She let out a "hmph" and a sigh, to which I asked her to explain the sound, and she let me know that it would take another hour to explain, and then deflected by stating she had to be home to pick up her kids in a few short hours.

I told her fine, and she reiterated being sorry, and asked if we could be friends. I told her I liked her again, and said I wasn't sure about the friend thing. I told her it should be possible, if there really wasn't anything there, but who knows.

I can say, I'm glad I get to go to NY and get my head out of anything close to this for a week. My facebook status update explained my feelings in pure words:

Life's too short, I'm too old, looks like its back to the drawing board. I'll go ahead and sound conceited and say it isn't my loss, but the two weeks of nice change that I gained. Too bad the exploration ends on the surface, instead of really getting on the inside. Here's to tomorrow, friends.

Part of that statement, I'd be saying, looking you in the eye...the other part, I'd turn my attention away, because it isn't all true. But I have to start believing it, just as she has to start believing it was nothing.

510: Conclusions made...

2011-04-25T17:08:00.001-07:00

So I'm reading this book that my day-job boss gave me, called Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and it is out there to really get you into the understanding that while being a genius can help you with the realization of potential, it's those that figure out how to apply that to everyday thinking that creates success. It is an interesting source material and I wonder how I should apply it to my everyday thinking. Obviously, I just started reading the thing, so I assume that I still need to read the whole thing to grasp it, and not even in its entirety.

Some conclusions about what's going on with me have been made. Some BY me, some apparently for me without equivocation. We all saw that I started writing about someone and began enjoying FEELING something again. Well, it all stopped, suddenly, and without my knowledge, it seems. This seemed to be going well, and she had a tragedy strike. Pardon me if I've written this much into the blog to date, but since then, we had two times that we were chatting and now, a full seven days later, there is NO COMMUNICATION back towards me from her.

I understand that people grieve differently, and I've apologized for telling her how I would have tried to handle the tragedy now, after having lived through a couple from people that were close to me...I understand that this was something I shouldn't have done without first being asked for said opinion, and that's why I apologized. I knew that while what I was saying may not have been wrong, it was not my place to say what I would do, something in my work field and typically in my life field, I have to do on the regular...so I apologized, and still, nothing. I tend to believe this means one of two things...

1) Leave her alone so she can continue to grieve on her own time and at some point, if there was anything, it will begin again if I haven't moved towards something else...

2) She decided that she wants nothing to do with a 33 yr old male who likes her and is worried about her after the tragedy and she wants to get through it with just those closest to her, since things were just starting between us.

I don't know which one is the answer, but I know my rebuttal...I'm going to continue to live my life. If she shows up and I'm somewhere, I'll deal with it...handle it...or do what I always do, and not make a scene and just be me and go on like nothing happened. Who knows, I really don't know what I'd do, except that I'm going to continue to do the things I do, because I shouldn't put my life aside while I wait for someone to figure out that I'm an awesome person to be around and wants to know what's going on with them...

Yes, that was the arrogance coming out that everyone knows I exude. Call it my charm, call it my humor...but make sure, you call it me. And I'm not going to stop being the guy I am now because I actually like me.

Success in everything...and nothing...all at the same time.

509: More thoughts bummin me...

2011-04-24T16:03:00.001-07:00

So I think what may have been starting with someone is over. My own fault, really, trying to be something to someone when we weren't at that level. I screwed it up, but in a way that it shouldn't be "done" but apparently it is. I'm getting no feedback, and I'm really hacked in it.

Anyway, I downloaded the droid app to start posting, so you may start seeing more but shorter posts...who knows, maybe not, too :).

508: To give up or not...?

2011-04-23T19:29:00.001-07:00

So, that girl I kinda dug...well, I must have pissed her off, because suddenly, I'm getting no responses from her while she's dealing with a personal tragedy. I said something she didn't like, and while I tried to make her understand what I meant by what I said, I don't think she followed, and well, I guess I don't know her well enough to try to be a friend in this situation.

I don't know what to do here...but this type of thing urges me to want to try and fix the issue, but everyone is different here and if she is still grieving, she's got to have time for that...I know this, and I'm being unselfish, but I need to know if I should keep trying, or if I should just let it blow over, and start over, someone new...yada yada.

She needs her time and space, obviously, but I'm also wondering if this is going to be where she'll still show up at the same place as me one night and we'll just see where that goes...

I dunno. I'm freaking out over this, and I suddenly seem depressed, when I'm really not.

I dunno...I just keep wrapping my head around this really big zit...I just wish it would pop one way or the other...

507: 100% or nothing

2011-04-23T07:01:00.000-07:00

I run everything in my life pretty much the same way. I give it everything, or I just don't do it. Work, relationships, hobbies...you name it, I bust my hump for it. Sometimes, it puts people off because they don't understand the headfirst slide into home...me...it's just how I roll.

The people that love me for it are wonderful...but I don't think everyone "gets it." So, due to that, the relationships I build tend to be for life, the ones that break tend to be forever and the ones that come back is typically because they learned a valuable lesson.

I'd walk on fire coals for people that I know care about me...why? It's engrained into me. It's how I feel. It's how I live.

506: not even an "oopsy"

2011-04-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

I've made mistakes. I'm normally TOO man enough to accept them...but recently, I can't help but feel I've made some recent ones I can't take back...just me stating that, here, is more than enough to make others think that as a person...I'm growing...yet, for when it matters most, I think I've already made some of the mistakes that prevent me from moving forward.

How? ...I just opened my big mouth.

Why? I don't know...my mouth just opens sometimes.

Do I deserve forgiveness? Maybe.

Do I want it? Uncontrollably...yes. I don't know know, but I want to be forgiven and moved forward, rather than stepping back...sad but true.

Who knows where this is headed? We'll see shortly, I'm sure...?

Too bad, I had just started enjoying the situation outside of my norm.

505: How I roll...

2011-04-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm feeling all out of sorts, and I'm not sure why. Butterflies in the stomach are NOT something I'm known for but yesterday, I had a terrible day at work, and it wasn't because anyone said or did something, it just was. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, except I did more work than I usually do, school kids are out right now, which means heavier business flow than usual, and no help to get more done. I even did a drawing yesterday of Batman, where I went for a Frank Miller meets Neal Adams piece. I used Gerard Butler as the face, and yes, I can tell the proportion looks funny, but that's kinda out the reference looked. Also, I know the right side of the mask seems off, but here it is anyway...and since I always use ink for the works, there's no real correction available without caking on the whiteout.

Today, I want to be a better day than yesterday, but I'm still outta whack. Not sure why, but I'm blaming short-timer syndrome, more work than usual and not feeling special, lol.

Yes, I noticed when I brought the blog back for it's latest go round that I've started using TXT speak, and oh well, it isn't like anyone's reading the damned thing, anyway, and if they are, I can't understand why...Sappy guy talks comics and being really bad at relationships...sounds like a winner to me...?

Gotta get my head in the game, probably need to punch a wall til my hand bleeds...that normally gets the adrenaline going...even if it makes it so I want to kill someone even more...just talk, there folks, I have no tendency for that, just a temper :).

504: Preparing for work, and just more mindlessness

2011-04-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

I am a week from a vacation, something I haven't done in a year, and I finally feel like I'm burning on both ends of the candle with work. I got my review, I wasn't exactly satisfied with the score, but I'm cool with the end result. My rent is about to go up, and I have to ask, why is it that apartments are the only real company that can offer a brand new person a discount, but not the people that are comfortable and are willing to stay? I mean, even cell phone companies offer customers the same deal as new customers if they stay satisfied long enough. What gives?! So, it looks like my rent will be going up about $50 per month for the year...sheesh. I want to start writing a book again. I've had some ideas, even pressed the old publisher to see if anything would be to my liking, but alas, he wasn't sold on my reboot of a classic idea, and while he said he'd resubmit LANDIS to his agents, without any controlling interest, he isn't nearly as excited to do so, and who can blame him? Gears of War 3's beta is up and active, and I tried it out, and even posted my initial thoughts on Facebook about it, in a quick snippet, it's good...dern good. But the people on there are already getting themselves up to level 15, and I'm a lowly level one. I did my my curbstomps in, though, so it wasn't all bad. I just wish I personally had more time to do more with it, than an hour here and an hour there kinda stuff. At least I played it before the Bulletstorm buyers, and next week, it'll get real flooded with the GameStop preorder customers joining the fray. Think I need to find an alternative source of income. I'm finding that until I get either my car or my debt paid off, I still have a problem living on the income I bring in personally. I don't think this will be an issue at all after next July, when my car gets paid off, but damn it'd be nice to get rid of a $300 payment for something I can't even take advantage of now. Add in the almost $200 in insurance a month and 25% of my income is gone from something I can't even use... sheesh. Oh well, is what it is, I guess. Just gotta be more responsible with the little bit of cash I have, but with this being me, I am not sure that's a possibility :). With that all said...I'm out for now.

503rd Blog: Day of movies, typing and not much else

2011-04-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

So I weeped my eyes out earlier to nobody reading, haha, and now I still have this itch to write more that no one else will read, unless they do a search for Rob Potchak, and then they might actually stumble into it, but if they are doing a search for me, I guess it's okay, and I probably WANT them to know more about me, lol. So I watched this movie earlier called "This Girl's Life" and it was about an internet pornstar who's contract is up, she's got another one on the table, as well as she's trying to understand why 99% of guys if given the offer to cheat with a hottie will accept, while 99% of women in the same position will tell the men to fuck off, so she starts a "Would you cheat" business. The movie was interesting, filled with nudity from her "profession," but the interesting part was really the role James Woods played in the film. The lead actress was Juliette Marquis, who I guess I could look up on IMDB if I wanted to see more, because she was simply stunning, which is why she pulled the role so well. James Woods actually plays her ill father, who has horrible Parkinsons, and he plays the part fabulously. Rosario Dawson also plays a small role, as does Michael Rappaport. Woods stole the movie with his representation of a failing man just remarkable. The rest of the movie was questionable, but what are you going to do on a Sunday when you don't want to do real work? I also finally watched the final episode of 24 ever, and have to say, I was a little disappointed. I didn't even watch like the last 6-8 episodes, and I really didn't feel like I missed much, which is sad that the show was that predictable. I remember a Playboy interview with Sutherland stating that he could see the show continuing without him (this was during Season 3), if they had the right actor to take his spot, similar to the LAW AND ORDER series. Obviously, Fox thought differently. Finally, I decided to watch FROM PARIS WITH LOVE from Luc Besson, more recognized for Leon: The Professional and La Femme Nikita, and more recently, Taken. Travolta is pretty insane in it which is funny, and Jonathan Rhies Myers is hysterical trying to not have a Brit accent. Definitely not the pace that you normally see from Besson, but its pretty good so far. Pretty humorous that they are supposed to be Agents, and Myers is running around with a vase. Alrigh, I'm thinking about that first movie again. It does interest me what they spoke about, the 99er, as they called it. I don't think I'd be one of the guys, but we all want to say that. If this woman were to have asked me, then even though part of me would be asking to see her last test to make sure she was clean, I know it would not be easy to pass. I'm a man, I have urges, and I do believe that it's hard for me, as a man, to always believe I can be the better man. An average woman when I've got a good thing going? That's a different story, similar to throwing away the phone number. I know that if I'm putting the effort into something, that its kinda what I want... sure, that may be a "right now" situation, but I tend to know what I'm going for. alright...here's sappy coming out again...I really miss what its like having someone wanting you around...arms around you, warmth of the skin, all that. Yup, there, I said it. I am lonely. didn't think I was until I remembered what it was like to have someone tell me they like me...anyway, ... hm. Maybe I'll continue this later.

My 502nd Blog...Yowsa. Confessions of a guy who doesn't understand dating.

2011-04-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

I think about a lot of things WAY TO MUCH. In fact, part of the reason to have a blog is the ability to spill your guts about something that you probably don't want to talk to everyone about, and sometimes it's just downright private...however, able to be found on the internet, apparently, lol. I'm a very OPEN person when it comes to what's going on in my head, but that doesn't stop the fact that sometimes, you should get it out, leave it out, so you don't continue to think about it and drive you crazy. When I get something or someone in my head, I try to make it or them everything I'm about. That's why when I'm writing a project and I have a deadline, I get the work done, normally it's well done and then boom, next project, rinse, cycle, repeat...The opposite can be said for when I'm doing work myelf without a deadline, and for one reason or another, I'm full steam ahead until I think, "Hmm...this isn't DUE today, so I'm going to let my mind wander." Truly, I do not let my mind wander, but I can't stay focused on the task because I just have other things going on, and when deadline nor pay are there...it waits. I have personally kept myself from trying to get to know all but one person for the last two years, and that person has a shut off personality, so getting to know her and wanting to know her are two different things. I think this is why I'm drawn to wanting to know her, because she looks like someone that needs it, but has enough selfworth that she doesn't NEED someone else, or so it seems. What's funny is I still feel that with her, I've developed a pretty good friendship, have learned a bit about her, though it is definitely in a "Single Serving Friend" kind of way. What's sad, is that while I'd be willing to drop whatever to be with this girl, I know that's probably never going to be an option, so I've made sure to start looking down other avenues. I have some issues in my life. I am seen as someone who's got his head on straight, is passion and profession driven and self-motivated. These are mostly true, and when people meet me, feel me out, or pursue me, this is what they get at the beginning. This is what you want people to see, as well, but like with selling used cars, you sell them on the good, and then the bad and the ugly come with the first inspection update. Haha. Where am I going with this blog? Oh, who the hell knows, but I'm going to continue. I like this girl. Suddenly, I think I really like this girl because I'm talking about her more than I normally talk about anyone not named Rob Potchak... I enjoy her company, wonder how we get along since on the base, we don't seem to have a lot of similar interests outside of karaoke night, beer and football, oh, and the same bars... She is a mom, works constantly, etc, however, I think this is the stuff I didn't gauge, initially. As a parent, she needs to not only protect herself, but also protect the children from any situation that could turn into an ugly situation, and having never dealt with that type of situation, I may be clamoring for more attention than a single mother who has defenses built up is ready to give. As I think more outside the box here than I am used to, this also makes me rationalize other things. I can argue that by keeping me at bay may lead me to a different path, and have us try to maintain a friendship, that would be on me at this point, and not her. Wow, I think I just grew up a little with that statement. I posted on facebook that I was thinking about her while I was more than a little drunk... good, but not good. I didn't say anything stupid or whatever, but I'm not sappy, so I must maintain my arrogance and confidence, and not look like a silly awestruck guy. I also posted that with the level of social networking out and about, who knows what the rules of dating / comunication should be at this point? I don't know if she paid attention to these little things, but others saw them. The other night, I guess I got some of the information that one needs to hear, as a co-worker of hers came up, started to hit on me and gave me her phone number and when I asked her (the one I like) what I should do with it, she stated, "Burn it." She smiled, but the intent was clear, even though rules have not been established, she wanted it known that she wanted my attention, so I gave it to her that night. However, since that night, we've probably chat for a couple text msg and a little bit of time on Facebook, but nothing else. Yesterday, tornadoes were knocking down houses in the area, so I texted her to make sure she was safe while going to and from work, but with Verizon telling me for about an hour "Txt not sent" I kept trying to resend, probably leading to her getting the same msg from me about 10 times...of course, making me look a little obsessive. This time, however, it wasn't even my fault. So right now, I'm cooling it for a day or two on this, just so I can see what's up from the other side of the fence. Of course the normal night we hang out may be out of the question, since I have an inventory on Weds, the night I normally hang out with her.

#501 - rambles...

2011-04-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

12:45am, still not sleeping. Thinking of what to do with my life, walking down a pathway, alone, but not lonely. Things have started changing, seemingly for the better, but a little scary as well. I feel like a 9th grader, with this new affection. Is it an obsession, is it me making it out to more than it really is? As I try to sit back and enjoy the ride, my mind takes over and tries to steer one way or another. I think sometimes people scare off because of how much you try to be around them. Others embrace the feeling of not being alone. Me? I do both. Sometimes I can just accept it, other times I like it so much I don't want to stop having it around. It seems like she may've had some hurt in her heart before, building up a wall and not wanting others to come in, like the third little pig, making it out of brick, unlike the fake walls of the other two. Its good, though, around her I just am me, not trying to impress, not overtly spending money I don't have, just me enjoying someone's company and acting goofy like I tend to do when I'm in a comfortable place. Interesting that I say comfortable when neither of us has stepped foot in the other's real lives, just the nighttime ones. The ones where they may be dreams, may be reality, and you just can't pick apart the real from the fairy tale. Why does she interest me? Maybe because she's interested IN me.

500th post on here! Here comes 2011!

2011-01-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

So I've decided that 2011 will be a return year for me. A lot of people would agree that my art has taken huge strides this year (rpotchak.deviantart.com), but being the Renaissance Man that I am, I'm ready to jump on some writing projects too. With that said, I'll give some insight about what I'm in discussions to work on...

1) HOME GAME: This is going to be a written and drawn comic strip from me about a weekly poker game and the banter that ensues between the players. This will play on everything from current events, movies, video games, comic books, tv shows, etc. I've already contacted a well known online comic publisher for distribution on this, and depending on where you are reading this blog, that may tip you off...

2) I've discussed a Re-Imagining of a series I wrote a long time ago that actually DID see print. We'd be looking at this as a digital graphic novel on sites like Wowio, Comixology, etc.

3) DEAD EAST: This is an old western idea that plays off my love of those movies. Add in some teenage angst and my love of Road to Perdition, and you have an idea of this project I'm fleshing out.

4) I also really like the idea of a Zombie/Undead Monster vs. the Old West, ala Undead Nightmare. I'm really trying to flesh this out, because I think I'll be able to utilize some REAL characters and change up history enough to really screw this all up. I'm getting psyched up with this story idea because I really have some awesome feelings about this and ideas that are just going crazy...no name on it, yet, but the ones I've thought of are pretty good takes on where I'd want to take this.

5) I'll still be adding more artwork, but this year, I want to do more writing, but every project I do I think I'll get to draw variant covers for, because I really want my art getting out there, too...

There is always the chance that one of my old projects could get restarted, as well, but right now I'm interested in where my imagination takes me with new stuff...

Happy New Year everyone...stay tuned for more info!
-Potsy

12-16-10 - Something New...

2010-12-16T13:03:00.000-08:00

So I'm getting that bug up my ass again to do something creative, however, right now, the day job is sapping my creativity...talked to the old publisher, shot some ideas around about either graphic novel ideas or new webcomics...

I think Im going to do a webcomic, as I've stated a lot, but this time I already have a name and the idea behind it, and I am trying to figure out an easy way to replicate the artwork from episode to episode, so that the style remains consistent, but the story continues to flow.

The graphic novel ideas were and old reboot and another one that seemed interesting and played up with my interests in the old west...

If you haven't checked out my recent artwork on deviant art, please do, rpotchak.deviantart.com, and I have a facebook fan page for the artwork, since I haven't really written anything new in almost two years.

Again, getting itchy about it, so I think I'm going to have to test the old keyboard and see what I can come up with...

2010-08-22T22:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know where to begin here...today, I'm feeling down. This blog was originally created to give people insight on the good that was occurring from my work, both professional and amateur. Recently, I know that it has becoming a very sporatic explaining of my downed feelings, and its looking like that isn't going to end anytime soon, because just when I feel like things are starting to look better for me, things happen that lead me to wonder if they really are, if I'm being played and if this life is really what I want it to be.

I was married, I had a career, yada yada...that was over two years ago, and now...now I'm a single guy that doesn't remember how to be someone that another wants. I don't know how to be anything except successful at work.

I'm upset with something. I just am unsure of what it really is.

The day I found something that I wanted to persue, the day I felt like I started getting played. Given the opportunity, I know and am confident I can turn the game in my favor, but right now I feel as though I'm being strung along just enough to grab some control and then leave me hanging, and I'm better than that.

I don't know where I'm going with this struggle, but I feel as though I'm dealing with a juvenile highschool game when my personality, my drive, my determination etc...

I don't even know where I'm going with this, other than...why am I such a sucker?

497 - 7-27-10

2010-07-27T00:28:00.000-07:00

Alone, restless...

In a moment of despair, I do something I haven't done in a while. Nothing illegal, but something just as intrusive. I give up. I realize that part of my life is over. The feeling of invasion, now, ceases and I go back to my business.

I am just as sad as I have been for months, maybe years. Alone in a world that is full of people with someone. Getting older by the year, the month, the week, the day and the hour, I fall back into a pit that I thought I had crawled myself out of.

I still talk of it as if it were yesterday, and truth is, its less than three months from two years. What is the draw, why is it so hard? What's out there for ME?

I try to pull myself together and realize that I can't. I realize that I'm in this pit for an undefined time to come. As much as I think I can find happiness in myself and in someone else, I find myself still in this moment. The stand still that is moving at full speed. The hour that is truly weeks months and years.

Why do I trample the I have now, hoping for a glimpse of the past? Where did my happiness go? Where will I finally track it down?

496 - 6/29/2010 - Life as we know it...

2010-06-29T08:04:00.001-07:00

It's 11am on a Tuesday, and I sit here contemplating where to go with things. You see, as open as I am, as awesome as I am to hang out with and converse with, I seem to have one mental block that prevents me from doing something...I can't ever seem to talk to a girl I like and let them know I like them.

I'm not afraid of much, but I am definitely against rejection. I wish I just had the same confidence I do in my professional life in my personal one. I think I'm a great person to be around, but I feel something prevents me from being able to say some of the things I want, because I'm afraid of the general: "I have a boyfriend," or "well, I dunno" or my favorite, "I'm just not into you..." I should be able to look at them and say, "that's too bad, because my type is better..." and just be the confident Rob I am in everything else I do.

I want to change that. I want them to be interested and me give them more reason. My tastes are peculiar, but genuine. I want someone that wants me back for me, not because they "should." I like the idea of a challenge, but it got me nowhere except 8 years older the last time.

My mind is strong, my heart tries, and my soul is yearning...how do I get them all to sync up and get me where I need to go?

I even drew a pic of the person I'm interested in right now...I'm posting it here just because I think I'm the only person reading this anymore, and it makes me feel a little better just getting it out there.

Rob

495 - 6-17-2010

2010-06-17T00:23:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what I was writing about last night. I'm disappointed in my life right now because of the mistakes I've made that don't seem to be helping me move on, and in fact are helping me regress into a depressed state.

While I'm not in danger here, it does suck that I'm on probation which is basically like being told you are the scum of the earth, and my probation officer makes me feel that way. I had one in Durham that was okay, she seemed to understand that I was a first time troublemaker and that I wasn't the scum that she sees on a regular basis, but when my case got transferred back to Wake County, it seemed to go all differently, and now I feel like I have no control over something which isn't good for someone like me.

I expect some sort of respect for being a business professional that fucked up in his personal life, but I'm being treated like someone who was a drug traffiker.

Just ranting.

494 - 5/4/2010

2010-05-03T23:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight I get home after realizing that once again, I'm still not over the one that I should be. How do I know? When I begin talking about wanting to be with someone, she comes up. That's enough to go on. I wish it wasn't, but it is. Every time my mom and I talk about me getting over the personal issues, she comes up and I sound like someone that can't get over the hump.

Truth is, I need something new to get my mind looking elsewhere. Honestly? After we were seperated for 18 months and she saw me, we got back together. That was then...the same would never happen again. She'll do the same damage to her next relationship as she did to ours, but the problem ther remains...how do I prevent the same problems that occurred with US...AND how do I get to the point where I want there to be an us with another person...?

I'm really broken up, to the point that I haven't really pursued, but I also don't think I've found ANY worth pursuing...am I wrong?

493 - 4/23/2010

2010-04-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

I'm bored, tired, and sick. Probably a sinus infection that requires antibiotics, but I refuse to go to the doctor and try to get over it myself, since I don't want to go to the doctor, where I risk getting even more sick.

I've felt de-motivated recently. I used to write all the time. Here, comics, stories, whatever, and until recently, I felt I was pretty good at it. Now, its been almost a year since I wrote anything of substance, and I'm pretty upset at myself for that.

I haven't had any motivation, and I haven't had anyone that I want to read a masterpiece from me, I guess. I just don't feel like I have anything good cooking currently.

Oh well, maybe I ought to look at what I've written in the past, read it and see if it makes me want to make it better. I haven't even wanted to draw for the past couple days, which is awkward, but mainly because while I do really cool lightbox work, if I were to do freehand drawing recently, I feel like a no talent assclown.

I dunno. I'm pretty down on myself, and its probably just because I'm sick, but that's not really any excuse. I keep myself motivated at the job, so hopefully with my hobbies I can begin to do the same?

4/16/2010 - still low...

2010-04-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

so it amazes me that everyone looks at me believing my life to be the epitome of excellence. I'm bored with a lot of things, but what worries me most is my unhappiness with the ME here.

I like what I do for a living, I like who I am around people that care about me, but overall...I'm unhappy. This family trip to Disney World made me realize it more than I had in two + years.

My ex, Christy and I split up in November, 2008, after she left my in October claiming I had created most of her problems in life. Well, now she's gotten her divorce, had her parents pay for everything and she's in the clear, living the same life she did 8 years ago, before I stepped into the picture, and what will undoubtedly end in her marrying another guy, only to have it end when she gets bored with him, too...to which her parents will probably blame themselves and the other guy for and not her...

Anyway, I'm upset...same as I was the other night, and while I know I could always have been better during our marriage, I realized that during my trip to Orlando, that I've always been the one that the blame gets placed on no matter what the situation...case in point...

My nephew Drew wet the bed this morning....I got blamed because they told me the temperature was too low...now one, I didn't play with the thermostat...two, my genes did not make this child and three, he was under ALL THE COVERS...if anything made the boy PEE it was the fact that the temperature was TOO WARM...he didn't have a way to cool off, so his body corrected this abstruction for the third night in a row.

I don't know what the real reason is, and I also do not care. I'm upset about this because I did NOTHING and yet got blamed.

My family has ALWAYS done this and I'm tired of it...people wonder why I don't spend a lot of time with my family if given the option and this is why...I'm apparently the black sheep that is the catalyst to everyone's problems, when ultimately...no one wants to help me with my own.

I really wish I had someone I could talk to about these things, because I'm tired of the face I put on and the truth that is never seen...but right now? They'd never believe the pain I'm really in, and they'd probably blame me for it anyway...

4-14-2010

2010-04-14T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'm on a family vacation in Disney World and I'm depressed. I've been upset with life for a while, but no one seems to understand, offering their, "Well, you are better off" explanation...truth is, I am. BUT, that doesn't stop the fact that on a daily basis I see things going on, and realize that not being married anymore really puts a damper on those things.

I won't go into detail and I won't try to help others understand, but let me put it this way. I still love my ex-wife...but not her, just the wife part, the objectification of her...she could be anyone. I miss the person that was supposed to be there for me, for all reasons and purposes.

I recently realized that after she attempted to friend request me on facebook, it wasn't because she wanted to rub her new boyfriend in my face (though she would be), it was because she wanted to keep the friendship that we had...at the same time, she doesn't realize she destroyed that, along with my heart and for a while, my mind, along with it...I won't ever be friends with her again, and part of that pains me, but its because she destroyed everything I was to get what she wanted, and when I needed her at all, she bolted for the door...not the type of person you want for a friend.

She was supposed to think about what she wanted when she got home from her time in an institution, which at this point, she probably looks at as fiction...and she was supposed to look at how to fix US...she didn't, and fixated on wanting something else, and blamed me for everything.

I'm unhappy with this, because now, she thinks we are friends, and she's sorely mistaken. I am not friends with people who outright lie and manipulate me...and I'd never give the time of day to someone who cheats on it...

It is upsetting I think about this when I should be enjoying myself, but I am because I haven't found that lightning rod that grounds me...and until then, I remain upset...

(490) - 3/15/2010

2010-03-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'm not creating new names for every time I write here. Hell, it had been a long time since I'd written anything on here, and now I'm writing much more frequently again.

I'm moving out of my place this weekend, and moving into my parents for a bit as I await approval on financing of the new place. I'm getting a little more excited because it will free me up a bit more to go out and do things, since I'll be much closer to the people I'm hanging out with on a more consistent basis.

Right now, Iam kind of glad I'm not in any kind of relationship, because this time of year seems to put strain on them. I'm not sure why, I always thought it was the change of the weather, but who knows. People just seem to go crazy, which causes real turmoil. I'm seeing a lot of people I know going through stuff that doesn't seem like a big deal to others, but for some reason, they obsess about it until its huge. Who knows...just right now, I'm glad I'm single.

After two really good weeks of poker games, I've had two really lousy ones, keeping myself in third place of our tournament standings, though I don't want to be in first place, as I'd play a bit more aggressive and lose my footing pretty quick, so I'm okay where I am, though I wouldn't mind being second place going into the finals, and it is within reach.

doing more art recently, and I ask that you check out rpotchak.deviantart.com, since I've put up some really great photo reference pieces of different tv shows and movie characters. I'm always taking suggestions, too.

Gonna cut this short, I really need to be productive before work today.

(489) 3/10/2010

2010-03-09T22:31:00.000-08:00

Tonight, a buddy of mine said that he was lonely, and my statement back was that he should join the club, but if he needed someone to talk to, I'd listen. I now feel that my statement was harsh.

Loneliness is what you make of it. You can either embrace your time alone, or you can be really allow the depression to set in. The unfortunate thing, though I don't believe I'm depressed, I am lonely. I wish I had someone to help with that, someone I could call and have them be there for me, and help me through my pain, like I typically am willing to help others through theirs.

I have ten days left in the house I'm in now, then a couple (hopefully) weeks with my folks, and then I start really living a different life. I hope I continue to live a decent life, and not a lie, as I now know my marriage was for a long while.

It's sad when you know that you aren't ready to give yourself to someone because of the bitterness you hold onto about past discretions. What's worse is that you always want something to fill the gap, but the life you lead, you don't ever think you'll find someone that would help you do that.

I know this blog has gotten depressing if anyone is actually reading it...sometimes I don't know how I'll walk through the rain, let alone smile in the sunshine.

(488) - 3/6/2010 - Another morning like the others

2010-03-06T06:10:00.000-08:00

Am I depressed? I don't think so, but I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, I am on here just typing instead of trying to find someone to talk to. Of course, its nine in the morning, my internal clock won't allow me to sleep past 8, and then I find myself bored with what's going on around me.

Amazing how quickly a week changes everything. Last week, I was writing about how someone and I were mutually into each other, and how I was becoming more fascinated with the idea. After that long conversation with her, I think it became awkward...kinda like the morning after a sexual encounter with someone that you really just want to be friends with, except, like always, I get this situation to happen...when there is no sex involved.

So due to that, the friendship has become a quick chat here or there and has dissipated into nothing more. I do think there is a little more avoidance going on from her side of the coin, due to the awkwardness of the situation. Oh well, that's the way my life rolls, and no matter what, it will not get to roll all the way back down the hill this time. Not only will I not allow it, I'll continue to make my personal strides, with some blatant hiccups I'm sure, but the hole I was in last year and have just now begun climbing out of, I will continue to do that, make myself stronger, and not care what the opinions of just anyone are.

I really like what I'm doing with my art, but I can't help but feel like a fraud. A lot of artists make their livings lightboxing and mashing up the art. Tony Harris has made a career out of photographing people and then using those photos to make issues of comics. I can't imagine how painstaking it is, but it must mean that he puts in more time and effort than most other artists, since there are extra steps involved.

Every lightbox drawing I do is actually a lot of work. I have to find the right photo, then I have to mess with the contrast and brightness on it until it looks like something that can be done on the box, and then I have to make it happen.

I've had a few recently that looked so bad due to how thick the pen line was that I had to toss them. While this has not been the norm, when it happens, I've been terribly disappointed in the final product, so much so that I do something I never usd to do...throw out the final product, rather than allow it to be picked apart or critiqued.

You know, I started this by asking if I was depressed, and I think I know what the truth here is... I lost something a long time ago. Someone who understood and accepted me, flaws and quirks and all. I allowed myself to be TOO involved, and now do not trust enough to do it again... for now. I am lonely, in mind and in heart, and who knows when I'll get that back.

(486) 3-3-2010

2010-03-04T15:46:00.000-08:00

So today, I signed paperwork to purchase a new place to live. Approximately 2.4 miles from work, this will allow me to not have to worry about getting help to and from work so much, as worst case scenario, I'll be able to walk. I'm happy with the place that I picked out, and am hoping that everything goes according to plan, since I have to have my divorce finalized, and after that, I can go out, get the new mortgage loan, and move on with everything. I've also got to come up with $2500 for the downpayment, and then probably cut back on a lot of my other extracuricular activities if I am not going to want to involve a roommate.

Anyway, I'm pretty down, and as I stated earlier, I really don't have that person that I can 100% open myself up to, and recent attempts to qualify a person into that position have fallen on incapable. I haven't tried that hard, but then, I probably like coming across as more of a bad ass than as someone willing to shed tears. It really hasn't been a great time in my life, but I'm working through it, and moving forward. I've made strides, and really have begun enjoying the ride of life again, after a long year of not appreciating anything but family. I have a long ways before I feel like I'm right for myself, or anyone else, but I'm much closer to feeling that way than I've been for a really long time.

I'm actually growing tired of always putting on the happy or professional face, and now, at this point, I just want to let the chips fall where they may. It isn't the smartest play, but its the play I feel like I want to make.

I've been drawing a lot recently, and actually have intentions of putting together an artbook/sketchbook. I haven't done this before, and typically would be against the idea, but a lot of the art I've done recently, I think SHOULD be out there for others. If I get Microsoft Publisher or anything up and running on this, I shold even be able to piece the book together.

I'm not sure what exactly is going on in my head that's causing me to not be as happy as I have been in recent history, and I'm hoping it won't take long to start feeling like me, again...at least, here is really hoping on it.

Life was so much easier when I was twelve.

3/3/2010 - Weird dreams and stuff.

2010-03-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

I had this really awkward dream, where I woke up wondering what the hell it was all about. It was like I was in highschool again, but at my current memory levels...like 90210 weird.

Anyway, I've really been cranking out some good artwork recently. I'm up to 9 pieces, and I figure as soon as I'm at 24 that I like, I'll probably put together a sketchbook and try selling it at a local convention.

My fan page on Facebook is now up to 90 fans, which for only sending it to my friends is kinda cool, especially when I look through the fans and see people like Diamond Distribution's Steve Geppi as one of them.

I've got about 2.5 weeks to get my stuff moved and get out of my current house. Good news is I've already found a new place to want to move into, and will probably be securing the loan and for it really soon. Only real downside to it is I'll have to live somewhere else until it all goes through, and I'll have to find somewhere to put my one dog until I do. Mom is afraid to take my big dog, and there is typically a lot of yelling at that house, but its to get to the next stage in my life, so its only a hiccup.

I gotta make this a quick blog, so if anybody wants to see the current art, checkout (rpotchak.deviantart.com) where I've got all my latest pieces put up.

3-1-2010 (485)

2010-03-01T04:58:00.000-08:00

I changed up the look of the blog a little. I haven't figured out how to change the graphics to make it really my own, so it still looks pretty plain, but then again, this is a private blog now. I haven't written anything on this that really shows the status update of my comics work, because I haven't done any.

I've started many projects over the past five years...THIEF, TAGGER, REHAB, and a couple others, and none have been completed. I wonder if this is how Leonardo DaVinci felt, as he'd get so caught up with "the next BIG idea," only to have it die out in his mind.

I feel that my creativity only goes so far, and while I can brainstorm the fuck out of things, I don't seem to get much further than that anymore.

My mind seems to be racing with about three weeks left before I HAVE to move, and I haven't figured out where I'm moving, though I think I do. I want so many things to go my way, and all of last year, they did not.

Last year I wish I could redo. I lost a lot of myself in that last year, and now feel like I'm coasting on the tidal wave, but not underneath and overwhelmed, but finally surfing somewhere under the cusp, but not anywhere in danger. I feel a sense of hope coming back into the light, though even that, I feel is somewhat misguided.

I wrote about knowing about chemistry with another person, yet, while I know it's there, I know that person is juggling inner turmoil of past relationships, much like myself, but where mine is over and I want it to be done with, theirs is seemingly still having a possibility of coming back. As the friend, I asked, "so what's up with you two?" and the response was "I dunno..." I stated that 'I dunno' by itself would have been an up in the air, while adding an elipses to it made it seem at even more of a discord.

My biggest problem going on now in my life is I hae no one that I can fully open up to. I think I need a good cry, but none of my friends are the type that you can do that with. There is no break down in front of person, but I think I need a good heartfelt one...after that, I think I'd feel cleansed, and ready to take back the world.

On a professional front, I believe I'm going to print a sketch book in my latest artstyle, which is all line work from photo reference. A buddy of mine, who seems to be promoting local comic shows now actually told me I should set up a booth and try to sell them there. I'll have to figure out pricing and everything, but even I could piece together a sketchbook, right?

To anyone that actually finds and reads this, thanks. I don't know if this will continue to be a public blog, or even if it remains that way, whether ALL posts will be that way.

2-28-10: caught in a loop... (484)

2010-02-27T23:28:00.000-08:00

So as the message states, I find myself caught in a loop.

You ever felt like you are wanting something, even if you shouldn't want it? Ever felt as though someone telling you that everything is bad for you is because you untimely think you are good for them?

Two days ago, I knew there was chemistry between me and another person. Is she involved with someone...yes, no, maybe. Facebook might lead one to believe "its complicated."

You get told that the type of profession they are is bad for you. You get told seven other things you would like are bad for you. And then it happens.

you knew there was some sort of chemistry. You joke about it, you flirt about it, and then the awkwardness of it sets in...you both know its there, and you try to ignore it like the 400 lb pink elephant that seems to show up with alcohol. It's there. Neither have denied it, but one has said that "knowing it would end badly, I'd like to keep it where it is..."

I've been through this before, and it did end badly. Twice, in fact, with the same person. In fact, the pieces still haven't ALL been picked up again. I'm still collecting myself, and do not want to be broken into more.

I'm finding myself more interested, and trying to play it into my hand, one way or another, and not be in the position to be taken advantage of...however, after countless LONG discussions until any hour of the night, I find myself starting to long for it.

I'm writing it here because this is my last safehaven. A place where I do not anticipate anyone reading me, and if they do, congrats. I haven't been able to open up in a long while, and while I do say what I feel...I haven't felt like I could just open up and let out raw emotion like I once did.

I used to be a flame of emotion that could not be put out, and then...I was extinguished by lies, deceit, and a ruined image of the perfect life. I opened my eyes to see that only in work can ONE person be the reason things go the way you want...whenever it comes to two sides...it really takes a concerted effort.

I don't know why I'm fawning over it...or becoming emotional about this person, but she's got me in a minor tizzy...but a major tizzy doesn't feel like its far off.

While some of its been discussed between both parties, in many ways it hasn't. I can not speak for the other person, because I don't know what's in their head. I can try to get in there, and it is fun to try, but this person when it comes to psychobabble, should have been crying like a little boy, but I haven't felt less than equal.

I've been labeled too nice. I am a nice guy, no doubt. But I command respect from a group, and don't typically allow myself to be frowned upon. I lead the charge, but I got told I'd get walked all over. I explained this to her as selfishness and sabotage.

It sucks when you see this much in common with another soul...and you aren't sure its the right thing to persue it, but for some reason...your mind starts going for it...and your heart can't stop, and must follow...

Post 483: 8/1/09 - Trying to feel inspired.

2009-08-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

So I drew this before I went on Vacation, but when I got home I wanted to see if I still had it in me to sit down, fully ink something and move on to the next project.

What we have here is Deadpool meeting up with Lobo, and as you can tell, the Main Man ain't no slouch to the won't shut up merc.

I've included two photos of this, one of the whole thing and a closeup of their heads and chests.

I know on Deadpool, I screwed up on his shoulder, but I really like how Lobo came out on the piece. I was going to just fully black in his vest and then add whiteout for effect, but I think this came off just as well with a textured look.

While this was done in a more cartoony way, I don't suspect that all my new art will be done as such, as I still prefer the traditional comic book look, though as I get older, I think I'm moving further away from my prime and my best work.

Well, anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this piece, and we'll probably be seeing more of them.

I just noticed that since I started updating this site that elisalandis.com has started receiving hits again, probably because Chris Crosby had linked up the two sites. That's good, because it means as long as people are going to the site, Keenspot's still generating something from it I believe.

I've also collected some of the pages from Landis and will be posting them on my deviant art page, rpotchak.deviantart.com, so that anyone that hasn't seen these in the past can see some of them now.

Post 482: First day of Vacation...not doing anything...

2009-07-24T05:47:00.001-07:00

So I decided that I'll meet up with the family tomorrow for the "start" of my vacation. While it only goes Friday to Friday, I'm intending on doing some clean up around the house...hanging out with the dog, hanging out with some people I don't get a lot of time with and playing poker.

My buddy Chris has just informed me that he intends to come up to AC Monday night, and while I wasn't intending on gambling with very much (if any money, hehe), I will now be attempting to get a room at one of the local casinos for Tuesday night, and that way I can be there from Tuesday afternoon sometime to Wednesday. It ought to be interesting. I believe he's told me I'll be on the poker table with him.

I'm still trying to sell my house, but last night I heard that the new apartments at North Hills will be opening around October, and while they aren't cheap, the convienence is amazing. Its located above a Harris Teeter, which makes shopping easy, its two blocks from my work, and they are offering Studio apartments starting at $885...with $200 off PER MONTH, so though its quite a bit smaller than my current place, if they allow pets, its ultra convienent.

So I'll be making probably my last drive to Jersey for the next couple years this week...with my court case still pending, and me believing I'll lose my license for 4 years, I'll be taking rides from whomever will offer, or I'll be hanging out in the same places a lot more often. Who knows though, as I may just spend more time at work, hope the years fly by, try to save some money, and live the good life when I can...

I really do want to spend some of this coming week writing, and who knows, maybe I will. I'll be energized by hearing what's happening at CCI: SD...so that may help.

I really gotta bog down and get somewhere with writing. My story ideas get a lot of people buying in, but I lose interest, and I have to just keep trucking...

Post 481 - 7/12/09 - Some art and other things

2009-07-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

I haven't used my scanner in a while, so most scans I do of artwork are from my phone, so they are going to appear gray, though the paper is white.

My buddy Junior Bruce has asked me to try to do more completed artwork, instead of just sketching from time to time, so I am trying to accomodate, like with this here, my pic of Solid Snake from Metal Gear.

I really like how the head came out, however, there are definite issues with the body. However, for not drawing for years it seems, I think I'm jumping right back in pretty well.

Post 480: 7/9/09 - The first offer...

2009-07-09T08:07:00.001-07:00

Today I'm to get the first offer on my house...I'm assuming they are going to low-ball, but by how much is the question? I know this isn't a long post (working in 30 minutes) but I'll be back on later announcing if I liked the offer or not...

7-8-09: After a lonnnng hiatus...

2009-07-08T15:11:00.001-07:00

I'm returning to my blogspot roots and will be posting more blogs here...right now, you can also visit me on myspace: www.myspace.com/potsandpansink on facebook: www.facebook.com/RobPotchak and twitter: www.twitter.com/potchak .

I'll be posting updates about me, my life, reposting all my "Memoirs of an @$$hole" stories and taking my comic career back to where it should be, which is simple...working on stories I want to write, and maybe draw, so who knows.

Later y'all.

MYSPACE BLOGGING...

2008-03-04T22:43:00.001-08:00

Hey folks, if you hadn't guessed, I haven't updated this blog in some time, and its for no other reason than pure laziness. For this fact, I ask that everyone join me over at http://www.myspace.com/potsandpansink to check out my latest rants, art, and all around pure goodness. Thanks!

12/4/07 - 477 - J Michael Strazcinski agrees...

2007-12-04T20:28:00.000-08:00

JMS as he's referred to in all media outlets, has been a writer for Amazing Spider-Man for wow... the last six plus years it seems, and while his final story is ONE MORE DAY, the story that is toying with twenty (thanks Eric) years of continuity and getting rid of the Peter/Mary Jane marriage that in Marvel's eyes 'should have never been,' it has now come out that JMS doesn't agree with the story either...in fact here's an excerpt...

Comic By Comic links to a post from Straczynski on JMSNews in which the writer admits, “there’s a lot that I don’t agree with, and I made this very clear to everybody within shouting distance at Marvel, especially Joe”:

"I’ll be honest: there was a point where I made the decision, and told Joe, that I was going to take my name off the last two issues of the OMD arc. Eventually Joe talked me out of that decision because at the end of the day, I don’t want to sabotage Joe or Marvel, and I have a lot of respect for both of those. As an executive producer as well as a writer, I’ve sometimes had to insist that my writers make changes that they did not want to make, often loudly so. They were sure I was wrong. Mostly I was right. Sometimes I was wrong. But whoever sits in the editor’s chair, or the executive producer’s chair, wears the pointy hat of authority, and as Dave Sim once noted, you can’t argue with a pointy hat.

So at the end of the day, all one can do is try to do the best one can with the notes one is given, and try to execute them in a professional way…because who knows, the other guy may be right. The only thing I *can* tell you, with absolute certainty, is that what Joe does with Spidey and all the rest of the Marvel characters, he does out of a genuine love of the character. He’s not looking to sabotage anything, he’s not looking to piss off the fans, he genuinely believes in the rightness of his views not out of a sense of “I’m the boss” but because he loves these characters and the Marvel universe.

And right or wrong, you have to respect that."

Unfortunately, you do NOT have to respect it. I love Joe Quesada and what he's done in his time as the leader of Marvel Comics...but here's the problem...we're getting rid of 20 years of Continuity that then makes the reason for the Ultimate Marvel Universe's existense not necessary, yet they'll continue to publish it.

Here's the problem we run into...

The Ultimate Universe was created to get rid of convoluted continuity while returning Peter Parker to his highschool roots, albeit in a more modernized setting.

What's the point in this universe's existence if we get rid of Peter Parker's livelihood of the last twenty years, to remove convolution from continuity and place him in a more modern setting? Wait...that's what they're doing. The only thing they are getting rid of is the teenage angst. They're giving Peter life in the real world without the life of a married man.

I don't get it. Why?

Does anyone else see this as the CLONE SAGA that eats Joe Q's job away from him, much as Bob Harras had happen before him? And I'd think that Bob was more profitable in his time with Marvel.

Man, the more I write about this...the more I know my chances of EVER writing for Marvel are dwindling...

12/4/07 - Post 476 - Just random shit tonight...

2007-12-04T20:04:00.000-08:00

So I'll start by saying that I've updated The Ardy Vanstarr Adventures homepage with a new "Re-Coming Soon..." piece. I know JB has been real busy with his day job, much like myself, but I hope he gets the time to stay on the project for the long haul this time. Right Now I'd love to RESTART it by February, but we're going to do it on the timeframe that meets both of our needs. Its just a page now that will be visible at ardyvanstarr.com until the time to update gets placed on this site.

I think I'm going to start playing with website design, too. I know I'm not going to find a lot of time before Christmas, but at this point, I'd love after the holidays to jump onto ardyvanstarr.com and give it a facelift...however, what this means is actually LEARNING how. This is a goal, so it doesn't necessarily mean it'll happen, but here's hoping. The other thing I'd like to do is actually give robpotchak.com a facelift and go with that, but I may have to re-buy the site, since I think its expired.

My dog Landis is limping pretty bad for the last three or four days recently, and its very depressing. My wife and I are about as broke as we've ever been, and we are going to need to find a way to pay for our dog's vet bill, which is going to be pretty outrageous (since I know their shots are outdated...bit quite a bit)...honestly, though, it was either buy a new AC unit to prevent the dogs from dying of heat exhaustion, or get them to the vet...now, I'll make sure they get to the vet by the time our tax check comes in....I love my pets, and need to get them taken care of, but just like now going to the dentist, if it doesn't hurt, it can wait a little longer (I hope).

Anyone looking for a WORLD OF WARCRAFT: BURNING CRUSADE Limited Edition? I still have one, and am willing to part with it, as it is still unopened, and I just noticed it in the computer room. I thought my cousin played, but it turns out he didn't.

I've had a lot of people talking nicely about my Killzone Rifle picture (on my deviantart page...rpotchak.deviantart.com), so I wanted to take this moment to say thanks. No, I'm not parting with this thing, yet, but the gestures people have made asking about it are pretty funny.

I haven't been drawing lately because my scanner is busted. Its disappointing knowing that you can't put the art up after you do it. I completed a piece of Wolverine on cardstock, and can't do anything with it because the scanner is crapped.

Finally, I'd also like to say that I believe that Christy and I are also about 60-75% done with Christmas shopping, which is a good thing. Still looking for my mom, her parents, my sister Michelle, Brother David and Brother-in-law Andy...if you aren't on this list, your done. So far, I've also got to say we're about as creative as we've ever been with gifts, except maybe her brother, but we got him something we know he'll enjoy. We're going for a common theme on gifts this year...simple but awesome. Its tough, but the wife and I are pretty smart.

11/30/07 - POST 475! - One More Flaw...Spoilers Ahead!

2007-11-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

Yes, my 475th blog post...wow. Anyway, lets get to the matter at hand, since I have to get ready for work shortly.

Marvel Comics is "putting the cat back in the bag," so to speak with its current storyline, ONE MORE DAY, in the Spider-man books. Spoilers start here, folks...

Aunt May is on her death bed and no one can do anything for her, but Peter KNOWS there must be something that can be done. So what happens? Mephisto mentions that he can fix her for a price...well, that price is a 30 year old marriage in the comic, something that Marvel's Editor in Chief, Joe Quesada, has stated to be against since he started as the guy in charge. Here's the problem, the characters have been together for 30 years, and Peter at this point in his life would get over the death of his aunt by blaming everyone else.

While I DO believe there are stories that can be told with them not being married, what does this say about Marvel's stance on marriage? An old woman, who has lived her entire life and is ready to go, or the marriage that has helped keep him together for years? See, I have a problem with this. Would any of us give up "our better half" in a real life situation for an aunt? I doubt it. In fact, this whole story just rings wrong, and I think Marvel is dropping the ball with it. Is this a situation where Mary Jane ends up finding him later and then they get back together?

Apparently a piece of their souls will know that something is wrong and missing, but they won't know what, and they won't know how to fix it...

I just don't get it. If you don't want their marriage to work, write it out of the book with a death of a character or a divorce because it gives her a chance to have a normal life, but don't take away THIRTY YEARS of Continuity...

This happened once before, when someone at Marvel thought it would be a good idea to have a clone of Peter Parker, calling himself Ben Reilly, was the REAL Spider-man and then something happened to public perception...they hated the book because they lost 30 years of reading relatively overnight...Marvel had to Ret-con the Ret-con, and suddenly Peter WAS Peter, not the clone and we got what we wanted, and MJ "lost" her baby...

Why is it okay for Reed and Sue Richards to be married, but not Peter Parker? Yeah, I agree, his wife shouldn't be a movie star or a model, but come on, Marvel, don't take away a natural progression of characters after 30 years...its just going to end badly.

Even with the talent you have on Spider-man coming up, people will be upset that it was a 30 year marriage that took all of 4 issues to get rid of...

11-30-07: Back for a bit...

2007-11-30T07:27:00.000-08:00

So, I noticed I've been really busy and haven't been able to get on here as much...so next year, I'm going to try to find a way to make this blog into a podcast, because then I can share my thoughts any everything as I dictate them into an audio file and then post it that way. Yeah, a fun aspiration, but who knows if that one will come to fruition, as well.

So Junior Bruce and I have almost completed the "first season" of The Ardy Vanstarr Adventures, and I believe we'll be reposting the ENTIRE thing in full color as we go back and recolor and reletter all previous pages. JB wants to keep a very static look to the coloring, to make it look like an old-school Saturday morning cartoon, where I want to add a little flair of the computer add with color seperation in it, but his way transfers to black and white comics a little easier than mine.

He has also established a much more polished art format for it, going to a more conventional 3 panel layout, however that will change depending on the page in question, I'm sure.

I originally said I'd love to re-introduce it in January, but there's no real time-table, and we'll launch it when its ready, in 3-per week intervals, so that we can be on the Keenspot dropbox and main page, since we feel that seriously hurt our overall visibility on the web.

So I've played through Mass Effect, and its amazing. Yes, there are framerate issues, but the game's story and building of character relationships is so good, you may not even notice. I can't say enough about the amount of work that went in from BioWare, I just truly hope they intend to give me my next helpign sooner...rather than later.

I'm also playing Rockband, and its the first time my wife, Christy, and I can do something together in terms of gaming...how, you ask? She wants to sing, and I like playing the guitar, so we just play, and the other night played until 3 am. This game is amazing, and today, I'm buying an Xbox Live points card so that I can buy all the extra tracks that are already available. I can't wait.

Finally, something I'm a little agitated about at my job. Throughout the year, we go up against our numbers on sales that we did last year. No big deal, right? Except the mall stores are the stores that see an increase in sales to about 10X their normal at this time of year, whereas a strip center store will see an increase of 3-4X. What this means is more sales, faster transactions, and not as much time to put in to get the other things that make up our ranks. The problem here is that even if sales are that much better than anywhere else, we're against our sales from last year, and NOT against the other stores...where does this affect me most? In my pocket...

At this time of year, we've been told that the top 25% of store managers will receive a 10% of their salary bonus. While this is amazing news, they also stated that the top 75% of managers will receive a bonus, but they haven't explained what it is. No where have they explained what it is, how much it is, or how many (actual number) stores will get it. This is wrong. I need to know what I'm fighting for. Do I want to be in the top 25% of stores? Absolutely. Do I anticipate that I'll end up there? Not likely. I'm trending at the 33% mark at the moment, and I'm 100% fine with that...its just that I have no idea what I lose by being there when there isn't really anything I can do to get to the higher spot because of the way they rank us.

Oh well, guess I'll just suck it up and hope my boss gives me a good raise next year.

11/13/07 - Cabela's Monster Wha?!

2007-11-13T07:04:00.001-08:00

"Do y'all have this in stock?"

I bet that's a great game as you go fishin for bitches down the ghetto pipeline.

Sorry, a little finger fun.

11/10/07 - Notre Dame Drops another, so why am I happy for my team?

2007-11-10T18:07:00.000-08:00

So I just got done watching Notre Dame fall to 1-9. Now, before I get into the high's and low's, I want to discuss something else, the fact that NO ONE thought Notre Dame was good this year. It's true. ANY TRUE FAN would have known that the team would struggle without Quinn, Samardzia, McKnight, Walker and others. Most fans were HOPING for a 7-5 year, but that just wasn't how it would play out. The team has two more WINNABLE games left on the schedule after losing to Air Force, but does that mean they will be favored to win, or actually win the games? Not necessarily, however, there are things to look forward to for this squad of guys. Really good things. Sure, the defense is on the field WAY TO LONG per game, but overall, as these young guys get older, isn't this a good thing for their game stamina over the course of four years? This one I'm guessing on, but I think it should mean they'd be stronger later in games as they progress.

Alright, now time to get into the nitty gritty of what will come for the Blue and Gold boys come next year.

Notre Dame has only been penalized EIGHT times in the last three games...that's one more penalty than in the game against Boston College alone. What does this mean? The team is learning discipline, and becoming better at not losing yards on false starts, encroaching, or pass interference. This is a huge step, since the team is young.

How young is the team? The starting quarterback is a freshman, and although he's had a hard time adjusting to the speed of the game, he performed well this week, and his receivers dropped A LOT of catchable passes. Their leading rusher (Aldridge) is a sophmore, so he has a lot more time to grow and hone his game. Their second leading rusher (Allen), is a freshman with lightning quickness, and IS averaging 4.4 yards per carry. The crazier this gets, huh? The two leading receivers, Parris and Kamara are Sophmore and Freshman as well. This is just on offense. Yes, their best player, John Carlson will be overshadowed when it comes to being an All-American, even though he would have been drafted by the third round of the NFL draft last year, is a senior, but Notre Dame has already shown that they can develop hybrid Tight Ends, as I believe before Carlson got to shine when Fasano left, he had caught all of 6 passes the year prior. On defense, yes, they have more leadership in the form of Seniors, like Zibikowski and Trevor Laws, but they are young, too, especially in the Linebacker core. And they'll only get better...and younger.

This brings me to the final reason WHY Notre Dame will get better in their off-season...recruiting. Do I believe ALL the numbers when it comes to recruits? Do I believe who has the best team based on who they bring in, when they are playing highschool talent, instead of NFL laden boys? Not really, but their are HUGE promising spots here. Let's look at what Rivals.com, the top college recruiting site out there has got locked down as Notre Dame commitments.

COMMITTED/NOT YET SIGNED
Pos Stars Ht Wt 40 RR Hometown
Dayne Crist
QB 5 6-5 228 4.66 6.1 Sherman Oaks, CA
Kyle Rudolph
TE 5 6-6 229 4.6 6.1 Cincinnati, OH
Steven Filer
LB 4 6-3 220 6.0 Chicago, IL
Jonas Gray
RB 4 5-10 213 4.44 6.0 Detroit, MI
Ethan Johnson
DE 4 6-4 266 4.8 6.0 Portland, OR
Robert Blanton
DB 4 6-1 177 4.5 5.9 Matthews, NC
Lane Clelland
OL 4 6-5 270 - 5.9 Owings Mills, MD
Sean Cwynar
DT 4 6-4 284 - 5.9 Woodstock, IL
Darius Fleming
LB 4 6-3 230 - 5.9 Chicago, IL
Michael Floyd
WR 4 6-3 195 4.55 5.9 St. Paul, MN
Omar Hunter
DT 4 6-1 295 4.7 5.9 Buford, GA
Jamoris Slaughter
DB 4 6-1 185 4.5 5.9 Stone Mountain, GA
Braxston Cave
OL 4 6-4 295 5.09 5.8 Mishawaka, IN
Joseph Fauria
OL 4 6-8 250 4.75 5.8 Encino, CA
John Goodman
WR 4 6-4 192 4.5 5.8 Fort Wayne, IN
Dan McCarthy
DB 4 6-2 190 4.5 5.8 Youngstown, OH
Anthony McDonald
LB 4 6-3 220 4.5 5.8 Sherman Oaks, CA
Mike Golic
OL 3 6-5 260 5.1 5.7 West Hartford, CT
David Posluszny
LB 3 6-0 206 4.62 5.7 Aliquippa , PA
Hafis Williams
DT 3 6-3 285 - 5.7 Elizabeth, NJ
Brandon Newman
DT 3 6-1 300 5.09 5.6 Louisville, KY

Hmm, weird that names like Posluzny, Golic and Fauria show up, huh? Yeah, these kids have dads that played at the highest level, or at least highly taughted siblings. Charlie wants the right fits for his schemes, much like the two Bill's he used to work for.

Notre Dame's recruiting class has a nice mix of both offense and Defense, though if you were creating a class for NCAA 2009 football from EA sports, this team has 15 4 star recruits. On the 360, this would mean ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED. So far they are ranked #1 in overall recruiting this season, and that though some are verbals only, most have stayed with Charlie for a reason...THE BEST GUY PLAYS...period. Look at the freshmen playing right now. When they are seniors, don't you think they'll be ready for whatever they want?

Sure, Notre Dame is "no better" than when Ty Willingham was here, but lets be honest. Sure the records are really close to the same, but how many $14 Million dollar BCS bowls did he take them to? Charlie's paid for his contract already, now he just needs to keep his team content with learning more, and getting better in the offseason. And this means, making sure that Jimmy Clausen is trying to throw more footballs through moving tires (ala Doug Flutie), while running away from a speeding truck...

But heck, it can't get much worse than only winning one game, right?

11/10/07 - Mullet of the Week...maybe the Year!

2007-11-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

I liken this to a MEGGET...ie, a MEGA MULLET. This bad boy from Tijuana let that monster hang out, eat some teriyaki chicken and just overall, steal our hearts with this fucker.

Yeah, I went all non-children with that statement...but yea, that dead antelope was all business in the front and partying like it was 1999 in the back...

Wow. And I know what you are asking, "Did he let me take the picture?"

And the correct answer is, "No." He did not. I just pulled my phone from my pocket and decided I HAD to get this ugly bastard's best Ron Jeremy impersonation captured for the world to see.

Congratulations, all, you just saw history.

11/10/07 - The big Big BIG TAVA Update!

2007-11-09T21:21:00.001-08:00

11/10/07 - The big Big BIG TAVA Update!
So who out there misses my comic strip, THE ARDY VANSTARR ADVENTURES...(still located at ardyvanstarr.com for anyone that wants to go back and check it out, still with the less than stellar website, but still a fun read story)? Well, I'm not going to say when...but it is coming back!

Both Junior Bruce (JB for short and now on...) and I have decided that our hiatus that has allowed us both some serious thinking time, should come to an end and we should give back to the fans...and how do we intend to do that?

Easy...we want to get back into THE ARDY VANSTARR ADVENTURES in a big way...JB has said that he wants to go back through and re-letter and...dun duh duh...COLOR every strip that has already happened, and we'll begin republishing it from the beginning.

Not a Hoax, NOT an April Fool's joke (five months early?). We want to come back in a major way, and we want everyone to take notice this time.

JB and I have had two stories we've always wanted to complete...and this goes back YEARS upon YEARS here, folks. We have two next storyline ideas in place for after the intial story, though they DO have to be re-written...and they are SPRING BROKE and INDOMITABLE FORCES. Don't worry, BOTH are Ardy (and Torch) stories...and yes, both will be retouched so that they have the feel of what we've already done here.

We intend to continue to give you the quality of product that we have always been about giving to the fans, and this means a couple things. We want to come back, and update THREE times a week (part of Keenspot's premiere line, so we get on the drop box and on the main page), but we also need everyone's help. When it restarts, we're going to need hits...lots of hits. We want to be able to give you back the product, but we want to know you love it...post links on your blogs, websites, bathroom stalls...this means a lot to us, it should mean a lot to you as well...

Okay, I said I wasn't going to do it, but here's what I had intended...I'm HOPING for a January re-start, but no guarantees...New Year...New Ardy. That's the way I want it to go.

11/9/07 - Dane "What a Silly Bitch" Cook...

2007-11-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

11/9/07 - Dane "That silly Bitch" Cook...Merry F’in Christmas...

So I took the wife to see Dane Cook for her christmas present. Yeah, I know what you are thinking..."Rob, Christmas isn't for another 50 something days..." And Dane gave the information about it, that makes me remember why I hate that fucking time so goddman much...his' recounting of walking into a Brookstone and not seeing a line, but a pile of people that roll off one by one to the register, holding their bags up like decapitated zombies and then crossing people off their list because you just don't want to wait for them...remembering that they yelled at you in the fifth grade, just to justify you not getting them shit besides a bonzai tree...personally, Dane, I'd go after that magic wrap thing in the mall that they grab your dying carcass out of thin air and make you see how this is, "the greatest shammy ever created..."

He talked about how he'd rather just sit and play Call of Duty than go shopping at Christmas, and then made some pretty funny statements...

My wife has already told of her experience last night, which was the only present I've ever gotten her that I know she truly wanted...man candy. Here's where her post is...http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=77053571&blogID=326897587&Mytoken=A8C2444E-6172-4E97-AEC2B672B77F265B14356256

She talks about our drive, our waiting in line, but she didn't tell about the coolest things that happened during this whole experience...First...this line that we were standing in was wrapping around a city blog, and we were standing in it. I then ask a cop if it was the right line for will call and he says you have to go inside to the ticket desk for will call. I go inside and the guy at the door tells me to get my wife and tell her to come on in, because no one is at that door...yoink! Zang Za Damn...we're in, in front of about 2000 people! (Not to mention, we literally parked less than a block away...)

So after that, Christy and I are walking around...we go in, we find our seats, and I ask if she wants anything, because we're at least 45 minutes early...we go for a walk and we see desks of employees giving out what look to be tickets. I'm thinking its where the Charlotte Bobcats are getting their next sell out from, but it turns out that they are giving upgraded tickets out. I don't want to say I was cheap on the tickets, but Christy has been out of her bar job for a week, now, and that is where a lot of our income comes from, so I bought the cheapest tickets I could get, because I didn't want us going into the hole...so we went from about twelfth row from the top...to twelfth row! Wow.

Only thing I could have lived without last night, was the dumb bitch sitting right behind us and trying to "talk" directly to Dane with her, "Ha ha, I knew that one Dane" at LOUDER than the man himself with the entire sound system behind his voice...but hey, to go from $30 tickets to $100 tickets FOR FREE, I'll take it and do what I can to forget about her.....

10/16/07 - Greatest Interview EVER...Must read!

2007-10-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

So today, I decided that I was going interview for Christmas positionsat my little Babbages, and I have to say, one interview went well, and we hired the young lady, and the other interview...well, let's just say, its going to be known as a Tomlinson for as long as I interview anybody ever again...

This gentleman, whom we'll just call by his last name Tomlinson, showed up to be interviewed in a white long t-shirt, a pair of not necessarily clean jeans and a dumbfounded look on his face. I asked him to sit in the food court and I'd be with him in a minute, because I knew this one was for the record books... I just got that feeling.

I grab my counterpart, Jason, from his Gamestop store in the mall because we typically try to do dual interviews so we can go back and forth with how we feel afterwords and determine if someone deserves the job or not. Well, today, it was more for shits and giggles than anything else. I tell him we're interviewing a guy in a t-shirt and jeans, and he says, "At the end of the day, sometimes all we need is a warm body to interview because that's all we really need..." and although true, this was not the body we want to hire...

So we sit down with him and introduce each other, and I ask, "What do you know about Gamestop...?" Answer..."Umm...well..." and then he starts to rub the top of his head, and then rubs his chin...through ALL of these exchanges, this is his general response..."I don't really know about the company."

Jason: "How do you feel one person affects a company?" Answer...shrug, rub head, rub chin..."um..." rub chin, rub head, rub chin..."I don't know what the question means."

Jason: "What's your favorite game of all time...?" Answer..."I dunno. Maybe NBA Live 2007 or maybe it was 08..."

Rob: "Sell it to me." Answer: "Huh? Sell what?"

Rob: "Your favorite game to me. Sell me a copy of NBA Live 08." Answer: "Ummm..." rubs head, chin, head, chin, "I only played it a couple times."

Jason: "Your favorite game, you've only played a couple times?" Answer: "Uh, well, I never really play games."

I look at him at this point and ask, "Are you feeling overwhelmed by the questions we're asking? You don't seem to be giving us much information, or answering any of our questions..." Answer: "Nah...hm. I'm, uh, not hm...overwhelmed."

Rob: "Do you know that you applied for a sales job?" Answer: "Uh" shrug, chin, head, chin, chin, chin..."Hm, uh, I put and application in."

Jason: "Rob, do you have any more questions for him, because I feel like I've got everything I need..."

Rob: "Yeah, just one more...If you were the boss of a business, and this was the interview that you just had to hire someone...would you hire that person?"

This question's response was terrific...chin...chin...chin...head...head...head..."uh, um..."...chin...chin...chin...::breath::...chin, chin...head, head, head..."I'd, uh...well, I'd have to think about it..."

Jason: "You know, you only get one chance to make a first impression..."

Rob: "You know, we're trying to give you a fair chance here...but you haven't answered ANY of our questions, you haven't given us anything to go by, so we'll be doing our call backs in about a week. You've got our number, right?"

Answer: "Um...uh. Well...yeah."

Rob and Jason: "Alright, then, have a good one."

Wow, just writing about it here, it doesn't get the same gusto that a lot of my stories get, because you really have to animate the hair and chin rubbing, because there was A LOT of it...this guy, afterwords, here's the conversation Jason and I had about him...

Rob: "Jason, you said warm bodies...I don't think he qualified even for that classification...I think he was dead."

Jason: "Wow. That was the greatest interview of all time. I mean, I'll look back for months, maybe years, and go, "Well, it still wasn't as bad as Tomlinson..."

And you know what? He's probably right.

10/4/07 - Sace Us 222 and more...

2007-10-04T19:04:00.000-07:00

Viral websites seem to be the "big it thing" on the internet now, where the website is full of subliminal-ness and just off the wall code to secretly give you the message...now, the WWE is involved with it. SAVE-US.222 is their new thing. They make no mention of it on their television, though Jim Ross has made mention of it on his blog, stating that "its working." Apparently, if you stop and start the video per frame, there's a hidden message that says, "te/jer_ico_moive" and on the next line says, "save_raw"...

Now this has a lot to do with former superstar, Chris Jericho, who has always been brought in with the use of really cool tactics (ie, his being brought in in late 1999 as Y2J), and who has recently (rumored) signed a new agreement with WWE. Now here's where it gets interesting, is it possible that they move his return up REAL FAST to this Sunday now that John Cena has torn his Pec from his bone? Here's hoping they do.

So today I received my EIGHT Gigabyte memory stick for my PSP game system. I spent $84 on it, and am satisfied, since the cheapest I can find them in the US is $169. I'll be using it for movies and TiVo files, since otherwise, what's the necessity of an 8 gb card? It is pretty awesome tho.

This week, GREAT comics came out. Sinestro Corp Cyborg Superman special was terrific, and I hope to see more Patrick Blaine art. He's the same man that did all the promo art for GOD OF WAR and GOD OF WAR II for the PS2, so seeing him work in comics is great. GREEN LANTERN CORPS #16 came out this week, as well, and its another terrific issue. The new Action Comics issue came out, and gives SOME explanation on how the Bizarro world came from, though I don't think Richard Donner is really writing any of it anymore. ENDANGERED SPECIES #14 (of 17) shipped in Uncanny X-Men this week, as well, and actually the whole issue was darn good, except for the unnecessary entrance of Spiral. Countdown is becoming more and more of a boredom book, however Detective Comics does not disappoint.

The only real disappointment of the day was having to go to my store to set something up that cost me $26 on my day off because I figured someone there would have totally come up with an excuse as to why it was NOT done if I hadn't done it.

Well, that and the fact that the Indians and the Rockies beat my Yanks and Phils...boo that.

10/1/07 - Lying in the Gutters...

2007-10-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

So I read and submit to a rumor mill for comics entitled LYING WITH THE GUTTERS by Rich Johnston for cbr.cc (comic book resources) and this past week, I sent Rich an email, and then he posted something on his site...here's the email, and what he posted:

EMAIL: (Titled: New TITANS Comic?)

from

Rob Potchak
Sep 27 (4 days ago)
to

richj@comicbookresources.com

date
Sep 27, 2007 8:08 PM

subject
NEW Titans comic?

mailed-by
gmail.com

"So rumors are now circulating that DC is going to launch a new TITANScomic with the team of Nightwing, Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Flash,Red Arrow and a few others...now I haven't heard any teams named forart, but Judd Winick's name is all over the project.Hopefully they'll at least get Perez on covers."
rob potchak

LYING IN THE GUTTERS SPOT:

TITANIC DAYS (Posted 10/1/07)
"So rumors are now circulating that DC Comics is going to launch a new "Titans" comic with the team of Nightwing, Starfire, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Flash, Red Arrow and more. Now I haven't heard any people named for art, but Judd Winick's name is all over the project.
Odds are they'll get George Perez on covers. "

Now, Rich, normally you give people credit for their rumors that sound like they are pretty accurate, but this time, my friend, you seem to have forgotten to credit me, and damn near purgered my statement. Other than my forgetting a space and changing the last sentence, everything else was word for word with better punctuation, which is pretty surprising, because I had to have been drinking to not do spell check.

Anyway, I think I'm going to link Rich to this, because I want to make sure he knows that I know he did this, but he's a swell enough guy, and again, has credited me in the past for my rumors.

In other rumored news, I would assume that Rags Morales or Mike McKone ARE the artist on said series, but that's my speculative mind here, since those two guys haven't been announced for any projects yet, though Matthew Clark is another one I wouldn't be surprised with.

9/27/07: I haven't forgotten about my readers...

2007-09-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

So this week was the Halo 3 launch from Microsoft at work, and from the look of their stock, Bill Gates' Third or fourth generation from now has already retired. On day one, I believe the figures were close to 2.5 Million units sold. Crazy. They said it earned a reported 172 Million dollars on day one, actually putting it 22 million in front of Spider-man 3 THE MOVIE, not the game, as the biggest entertainment release of the year.

I finally heard from JK, and he said that he's going through an artist's block at the moment, and said that as soon as he's off the schneid, that he'll be back to making the fans look on in awe with new pages.

On other comics news, Eric Kent has told me that he will be sending me the pages he's drawn from THIEF and from TAGGER, so that I may do with as I please in his own words. What I'll probably do is either electronically ink them, or ink them myself by hand, which I've been wanting to try again for a while. Obviously, after that, people will begin to see them.

Rumor has it that DC Comics is coming up with a new comic series called TITANS, which will be written by (ugh,) Judd Winick and star Nightwing, Donna Troy, Cyborg, and all of the other original Teen Titans...look for this to be DC's answer to people wanting more of what they want, while giving it to them with a writer that knows how to ruin it...HOPEFULLY they'll listen as I saw, PUT GEORGE PEREZ ON COVERS!

I've been going through a very NON-creative time right now, and while certain things tell me that you never know how long you've got, so you have to go do the things you want now, there's another pert of me that's just saying, "you are too tired to write..."

I have two weeks to find another car insurance company if I want to pay less than $5000 a year for two cars.

I'm congested for absolutely no reason tonight.

Saw Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin and Seether last night and thought it was a great live show...especially for $20. They don't really have stage presence yet, but they're all good musicians.

I won a Red and Black Nintendo DS, so hopefully that's something I'll see in the next few weeks.

Well, I'm about pooped, so everyone have a good night...Puzzle Quest for the PSP is freaking awesome!

9/14/07: Rob with Todd, FINALLY, and more.

2007-09-14T17:34:00.000-07:00

So my phone camera looks like its been drunk all week, not really sure why, but here is the picture of me with Todd McFarlane, FINALLY. I've decided to include another picture here, as well, that of Heavenly Sword babe, Nariko after she caught me staring at her Heavenly something...no, not the breasts, as this young lady for some reason, would uncross her legs as she would be getting up, and you got to see the goods. She noticed that I noticed, and before you knew it, everyone was noticing, hehe...

It was a fun picture, since I could write ALMOST ANY caption for it.

Oh, for those who thought I was saying something bad about Clive Barker in a previous post, I wasn't. The man looked tired, and I didn't want to stand in line, so I walked up and shook his hand, that's all.

I am attempting to work something out with Vivendi interactive for the release of HALO 3, and all I can say about it is that it has something to do with a game that while not 100% dissimilar to Halo, it does have a chance to be the coolest multiplayer game out there with new ways to go.

In closing, here, thanks for the support in reading this blog, I've probably got a couple more Vegas photos to upload from phone to web, and today I did something that I wasn't sure about, so I flipped a coin.

I traded in a lot of the games I received from the conference, since by company standards, that's okay, but I wasn't sure what to get with it. I wanted the PSP, but I couldn't justify $200 to myself OR my wife, because we've been struggling to keep money in our bank accounts recently, so I didn't want to effect that. I decided that since I wanted the PSP, and since I had enough to cover it, I would go ahead and get the PSP. I bought the new Slimline PSP, the PSP-2000 is what they call it at Sony, and I've enjoyed it so far.

I'll probably go back to doing what I had done with it previously, which is place burned movies on my 2gb memory card.

A couple things I DO like about it include TiVo -To-Go service, so taking programs from my TiVo and placing them on there, as well as being able to remotely control (not remote control, but to control the system from somewhere else) my PS3...meaning...if I have a movie in there, I can pull it up on my PSP similar to sling box...this is awesome, as I've already tried it out, and I've heard it even works with the new PS3 game, LAIR...if more companies take advantage of this, I'll probably start buying more games on PS3.

9/14/07: Yet another guest from the Gamestop Con...

2007-09-14T07:48:00.000-07:00

So here's a pic of Slash. Now unfortunately, this day I was not close to the stage, so I didn't specifically MEET Slash, but I snapped up a quick pic of him on onw of our 1000 inch screens. He was cool as shit, coming out to a fog maker and lazer show, playing guitar with cigarette in his mouth. He came out and introduced someone to play AGAINST him on the All new GUITAR HERO III, which I have to say, was pretty cool, but the computer version of Slash, playing a guitar solo written exclusively for the game by the real Slash, was too good for the player to beat.

For some reason, the Todd McFarlane picture will not upload still, so I will have to figure that out.

9/13/07: Yuckin it up with Todd McFarlane!

2007-09-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

At the same vendor show at the conference, none other than Todd McFarlane was there. (apparently, blogger is not letting me upload the picture, which I'll now have to do later, heh).

For those who don't know, I met Todd 14 years ago at a Philadelphia Comic Convention that he was at. At my convention here, I brought it up. "Todd, y'know, the last time I saw you was at Philly in 1993...?" And he looked over and smiled. "Y'know, that was the show I debated Peter David." And I agreed and said that I still felt he won the debate, just making light conversation. I then asked him about his current convention status. "This is only your second convention this year, right?" And he replied, "Yeah, y'know, ever since I became a dad, its a lot harder for me to want to leave home, so I like doing these quieter gatherings..." I then got my Convenant HALO 3 Xbox360 controller autographed by him and took the picture (though its again, not in great quality).

Overall, a decent guy. He chat with everyone, and literally stayed until we all got our stuff signed. I shook his hand and made a simple comment about how the comic industry still misses him and mentioned ARDY (on my shirt).

I missed getting to meet Randy Orton (saw him, though, seemed a little standoff-ish, but on good behavior). I had a customer I was going to try to get an autograph from him for, but he only signed for 2 hours, which in no way was long enough.

And the one disappointment in my meetings, was Clive Barker. I just went up, shook his hand, and then let him get back to signing.

I'll try to post that pic of me and Todd tomorrow, as well as a few others that are good.

9/13/07: Back from Vegas...Koji Igarashi

2007-09-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Vegas and wow, I'm exhausted. This year was WAY better than last year since it was in Vegas...and Although these pictures are HORRIBLE quality, I must say that I'm super excited about them.

This one for example is ME with KOJI IGARASHI, the famed creator of Castlevania...This is his ONLY US Appearance that I know about this year, so I have to say, getting to meet him is incredible...

The photo was taken with my phone, so that's where the quality issue came into play.

This was at our vendor show, and I got him to autograph the cover art for the upcoming game for PSP: CASTLEVANIA: DRACULA X CHRONICLES.

Its awesome, I know...more to come.

9/5/07: Biggest Update in a while...

2007-09-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

Alright, I haven't been on here for a real update in a while and that's because the wife and I have had some issues with things going on around here...no, nothing with US, but just around the house, car, work, stuff...Its really been bogging into a lot of the free time we've had, which sucks, because since my vacation I have not touched my movie treatment for THIEF, which everyone who has read it has said that they would pay to see this movie, which is a plus.

Okay so let's start with what I am allowed to talk about at home. My car insurance company, Nationwide, knows that I have a DWI on my account. They also know when our bill is supposed to be due...however, they don't seem to realize that MY WIFE is not MY DAD'S wife when it comes to paying your bill. My mom pays her insurance monthly, I pay mine quarterly because it allows us time to save enough to pay the hefty fee for having a DWI and a speeding ticket (the former is mine, the latter is the wife's). Well, they told me our account went delinquent, and we hadn't paid, and now it was too late to reinstate that account...the reason? They said we hadn't paid. (Sorry if this jumps around, but you should get the gist.) So anyway, I'm looking through the old bank statements and finding nothing to go against their claim...so I have to start a new policy, get looked at as a HIGH RISK and they tell me our insurance will be about $5000 a year ($1200+ a quarter), and that we owe it to them to restart the policy. They also tell us the DMV will be sending a notice and we'll owe them $50 per vehicle for that, too...so this week, the wife and I shelled out $1300...YIKES...that's what a rainy day savings is for...it was fucking pouring. We get it paid and get it cleared...now here's where the fun happens.

My mom contacts Nationwide and asks why she hasn't received a bill in two months (again, she pays monthly). They tell her its because her account has a $750 credit on the account... Mom taps her forefinger on her cheek and asks, "Do you think this could be the payment that my son and his wife swear got paid but you folks told them it didn't?" They look it up, and guess what? It was a money order from my wife to Nationwide in the sum of $750...what we just so happened to owe on June 26th...Mom, being the sport she is, said she would pay what would have mader her account delinquent and asked that the credit be used to reinstate my old account because we never should have had the lapse in coverage...now, where the confusion came in...

With my wife taking $750 in cash to the bank to get a money order because we didn't have any checks at the time, we never had it show up in our bank account, which means we had NO RECORD of us paying it...so I had Diane, our Nationwide rep copy the money order for me, since they had it on record all along, and we now have record of it. Folks, this is the ONLY reason I can think of to NOT have a namesake...

Okay, so other happenings...

As stated, the movie treatment is where it was a month ago, but I'll probably finish it within the month so that I can get Keenspot's people looking at it. I have a tentative agreement with them to shop it around, since they have taken care of me in the past. I believe in giving back as well as taking in relationships, professional and personal, so with Chris Crosby and myself knowing this property could move well, I have given my word it would most likely stay there.

That's the same reason I'm not currently looking for other employment. I like what I do, they've been pretty good to me, and I would rather deal with the shark pool I know than the shark ocean I don't.

I will be revisiting all the current projects I have on the plate, since I'd really like to get DEAD SONJA off the ground for the sequel, and I NEED to get my ass back on TAGGER and THIEF the comic...however, with the re-write that has become the treatment, I'm not sure where Eric would like to go with it...I don't want to scrap what's possibly the best art of his career, so we may just run that the way it is, and then have the other ready for a movie adaptation :).

Although I haven't talked with JK in a while, I'm hoping everything is okay with him and his wife and their families. I know he started a new job not too long ago, and I hope that isn't killing his creativity, since I want to finish the first TAVA arc to get started on the second one, which YES, I am in the middle of writing. The catch on TAVA was not all on the art end, either folks, let me say that now. TAVA is a project that with two different minds visually seeing the pages, there were constant rewrites to make JK's pages flow with my text. The biggest problem for me is that I couldn't get the lettering to look right in the small size that looked good on the big size. As an artist myself, it was difficult to look at, and I know JK wasn't pleased with it, either.

Next week is my company (GAMESTOP)'s big Manager's Conference, and this year is in a much better locale than last's, which was in Dallas...this year, it's in VEGAS baby! So not only do I get to see about all the new games, systems, merchandise coming out not only in this final quarter of the year, but I also get to check out stuff that is top secret coming in the industry...what is it? Can't tell you, even if I DID know, hehe...Nah, I'll come back with lots of info on upcoming stuff and it makes me excited as shit for Christmas, since this is when most of the stuff I'll get to see and play will get dropped this year. Unfortunately, no cameras or video footage will be allowed out, and I can be fired for taking any...So not only do I get to see that, get to go to Vegas for the first time, see the sights, eat the food and walk the strip, I get to gamble!

Only real downside to my trip is that the company scheduled it on the week of my second wedding anniversary, and I am very upset about that, since there's NO WAY to bring my wife, since they force roommates on us for it.

Hopefully I'll make another update before the trip, and anybody who wants to give me shit for Notre Dame getting destroyed on Saturday, remember...Michigan lost to a Division 1-AA school, and they are the ONLY program in HISTORY with more wins than Notre Dame...so bite me. :)

8/31/07: Halloween comes early...and its good.

2007-08-31T23:05:00.000-07:00

Thursday night, around 9:30 pm, I decide I want to see the new Halloween film. Anyone who knows me, knows I love a good cheese ball horror flick. This was NOT one. In fact, the casting seemed perfect, from Tyler Mane playing the crazed psychopathic Michael Myers, to Malcolm McDowell playing the role that NO ONE thought anyone could fill Donald Pleasance's shoes... and he did so nicely.

The cameos were spot on for what you'd expect from such a cherished property, and this movie was just good.

If you want to jump two to ten times, this movie does so in a way that is sure to continue to do so EVEN after you've seen it once.

Zombie sticks to most of the story, changing only the end, but at the same time, he kept the scenery the same (filmed in the same city) and gave a new reason behind the painted Shatner mask...which after 17 years is pretty gruesome.

If you want GOOD horror done right, this compliments the original film VERY nicely, and I'd recommend it highly to anyone wanting to jump.

8/21/07:Still hot as balls...

2007-08-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the house heat topped out OVER 100 degrees. Still no end in sight as to when this will all be corrected, the estimate from ARS, the people that set the standard is now at $3500. Yikes. And no, we don't have that kind of money just lying around, however, they had a 36 month payment plan, and we went with the unit with a 10 year warranty.

Tomorrow, we'll be back to as normal as we get, when we have returned to air conditioned living.

Anyone else think its extremely difficult to think when their house is 100 degrees?

I've come to realize that when building lots of houses, you take the easy way out when building stuff. Meaning, everyone in my neighborhood will probably be replacing their AC units, since the guy told me that the generic type that we owned typically lasts 8 years, and then asked when the house was built...1999...which is, in fact, 8 years.

The good news is that the new unit we are getting has to abide by higher efficiency standards, which means it'll be better on cost and everything too...just don't know if that means $5 or $50 in savings per year.

Sometime next week, I'll update everyone with current projects, and if you haven't played it yet, get Bioshock...rated a PERFECT 10 by 7 different sources.

8/19/07: Hot as Fuck.

2007-08-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

That's right, I'm not going to mince words. My house is 90 degrees right now...it wasn't at 1pm this afternoon, but it is now. This is now the second time that our AC has gone out this Summer. The first time it was 89 degrees outside, now, we've been seeing 105. This isn't good.

I have two dogs. My wife and I can suffer through the heat until we get it fixed, but the dogs can't. So I had to go out and purchase a fan. Hell, I was going to purchase an Air Conditioner, since Walmart had a cheap one for $90, but until Christy and I get to the bank, we're on a limited budget. So I went out and bought $40 worth of fans for the house...and as long as you stay near them, you're alright.

I just don't get it. Christy fiddles with the thermostat all the time, which forces me to go back to it and turn it back...I think all this constant fiddling with it has helped cause the breakdowns...she just won't stop with it at 75, and has to turn it to 68, which could FREEZE the AC unit.

I love ya, baby, but we need to leave it alone. They DO freeze up...they DO break, and now we're left with another repair bill, and this time for something that is DIRE to the household.

Anyway, this has frustrated me to no end, because of it being hotter than a ballsack with lit matches under it. Couple that with the thought that I injured my eardrum this morning and everything is all loopy today.

Hope everyone is having a better weekend than me.

8/14/07: Final Ringo Tribute.

2007-08-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

This is my tribute to Mike and his work.
I hope everyone likes it as much as I liked
Mike's work.