Confused

Why am I constantly alone? I have so many things moving in the right direction in my life, and yet, here I am, still ridiculously behind where I ever thought I would be.

I'll codename one of the people I discuss here as Snow, just in case someone ever sees this, which I doubt because people just don't write blogs anymore, let alone read them. Anyway, Snow means a bit in this tale, and I wonder if years from now when I go back and read this, if I'll ever still know her...

I've been talking to someone pretty extensively, she's attractive, smart, and I feel like when I'm with her, I can just be me, goofy, dorky, comic book video game geek Rob. But...I don't think she wants me ...not in that way, or she's really confused, which in turn, has her really confusing me.

She's married, but separated, but not because she wants to be, because her husband was a complete asshat after they had spent their entire adult lives together because he met someone at his job.

She's such a sweet girl, holding out hope for something that has moved hours away, yearning for it just to go back the way it once was...

Which is why I'm struggling with this, because it seems like she A) knows I like her, B) continues to hang with me knowing it, C) won't tell me she is or is not interested in me, but D) hesitates about telling me when she's hanging with another guy, obviously because she's worried about my reaction.

I just don't get it. So I did something bold, yet I think she just took it in stride.

A week ago, we hung out, and when I took her home, I saw in her eyes that she was telling me she was interested, but she didn't extend it when I attempted a move.

So bold move 1 was a bust. She messaged with me the next day, and now for roughly 4 weeks, we've been talking every day. I wait patiently, hoping I'll get a message, but also think that if she messaged last, that I should message first.

I ask how her day is going, and then talk about her day off coming up, and I ask if "she will think of me" on her day off. She says in retort, "why does that matter?" When I say after a couple weeks talking that I'd think I'd at least cross her mind, she says "I guess we shall see..."

What the fuck does that mean. Anyway, we hung out again last night. But before that, bold move number 2. I know that she likes certain characters in comics, and I decide to draw her. We are supposed to hang out, grab a drink, see a movie, and see what happens. I pick her up, and I give her my new comic because I know she can't make my signing. I placed the drawing in with it, and let her know there's a surprise in there, too, and she asks "can I see?" And I say she can when she gets home. I felt like we had a good time, saw a terrible movie, and I took her home.

She asked if she could have her surprise and then hugged me good night. She asked me to text when I got home, so I did, and she told me she "absolutely loved my drawing."

Today she text me letting me know she was looking at the drawing and smiling.
Let me know she sent it to her friend, who wasn't as excited as she was. Told me she liked how I draw...

After the smiling Everytime she looked at it, I told her "I guess you know how I feel when I see your face."

She didn't acknowledge it...

We chat a bit more tonight before I said goodnight, but I can't get my mind off her.

I even felt my chest begin pounding, definitely from anxiety.

Needless to say, I am still confused.