As I sit on my couch on Christmas day, my dogs at my parents for a week, I sit, alone, finding myself not being creative, not being myself, and realizing that the reason why I am alone is because I am feeling it on the inside, and showing something different on the outside. I am not one and the same all the time, and I believe it is leading me down a path that does not necessarily end with happiness.
I'm not acting suicidal, or crazy, just realizing that the person I am at work is a facade, and the genuine me is only seen by two dogs on the regular, and is not always a good person that actually deserves happiness. I'm not saying I don't deserve ANY happiness, just not always and true happiness. I'm not sure where it needs to change, but I am certain it needs to, for me to ever get something else into my life...a light that I don't snuff out as I have in the past...I need to be real...
The question of WHO that is remains...I wish I had someone that I could really break this down with, but much like the movie FIGHT CLUB, I believe my life is filled with a LOT of "single serving friends," though it does feel like more of them are becoming more real, as I do the same.
Love who you are, and others will be able to love you. I need to get there.
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