A Real Key to the Castle.

I have discussed feelings on here before, breaking down every emotion I have felt through specific moments of my life, and yet, I do not typically speak on how I feel as a mid thirties man without a driver's license, with no girlfriend, no real attachments, and only my family, friends and job keeping me from having nothing.

I like certain things about my life. I enjoy being able to do what I want when I want to, and without having to explain my actions, unless someone asks. I was once told I lived like a rock star, and I guess after two DUIs, I really have. Unfortunately for me, I do not have the entourage nor the bank account of said rock stars, so I a, unable to live like they do without a steep price to pay, to which I would state I have. I love my dogs, I enjoy weekly get to gatherings with my family, and like where things have been going with my employer...

However, I feel as though I'm wasting away without someone by my side. Granted, my tastes are too high for me, but I want what I want, right? I'm going to break down how I feel at this moment in time, because it's probably the most REAL me.

I am not a happy person. I can almost never remain happy, and like most that feel this way, I end up taking things for granted when I should be showing patience and displaying gratitude for things I have.

I feel lost at this moment in my life without a real direction, besides a career path that feels as though its dwindling as I attempt to move up in what seems to be a shrinking body of water.

I find myself unable to hold a conversation with an attractive person until just before they pick themselves up to leave, and feel lost when trying to make eye contact, small talk and buildup.  I don't know why, as I'm smart, quick with wit and typically am fun to be around. I fit with everyone, while fitting with no one.

I wish to find that right soul to help me grow, and I long for someone to make me happy, and me returning the feeling, not the favor.

I want to feel something real, because it feels like I have gone too long without it, but I don't want to settle...I want it to be perfect.