Just an Evening Notwithstanding and Never Aware

I'm getting old...I know that, and it still doesn't hold me back from really trying to live my life to the greatest achievement state, while still being in a place in life where I look at everything and question why... Anyway, Wednesday was different. I was asked at about 8:15pm if I had plans, and I asked why. Told that my friend would be at the Fox and Hound for a while, I let him know I was interested in hanging, and would join him shortly. Five minutes later, I sent a text that I will wonder forever if it was the right thing to do, but not because I didn't want to. I text a friend, that for the longest time, I've been interested in, and because I'm a good person, asked for the okay to ask out, court, whatever you may state here. Tonight, that text was met with a "I'm being rejected by someone, so I'm not sure if I want to..." to which I replied, "How does one get you to say YES?" Anyway, she came out, and while the conversation on multiple occasions turned to the one that deflected her dinner invitation, I continued to push self-appreciation and happiness over something familiar. She continued to laugh, enjoy herself and speak her mind for the hours she spent next to me, and even spent the time singing karaoke,and showing me up. By the end of the night, I knew she had warmed up somewhat to me and my constant statement of "You should want for nothing, and you should wait for nothing..." approach. It's up to her to make the feeling true, but overall, I asked her to tell me when she got home. She did, and she said I could stop worrying about her...I told her I'd rather know she was happy, and after her reply of "you too..." I told her that more nights like tonight and maybe I WOULD be happy. More than anything, this is what I realized...I supply the sizzle to the "there is so much out there" steak. Ultimately, I'm a great guy while still being an asshole, yet, in the right circumstance, a girl may like what I'm offering in terms of intellect and humor... I dunno, I try to hard to NOT push my thoughts or beliefs to the point that I stress... -- That evening the reason I was asked out, was because my friend had originally invited me. As our group swelled to larger sizes than I'm used to, his reactions went from asshole humor to more of a sullen and and distracted state. I asked multiple times what the issue was, wondering if my flirting with a girl I invited was the cause for his dismay, but I later found out it wasn't. I won't go into details, other than it sounds like he's in a similar situation to what I wrote about above, and he doesn't know what to do, it's making him feel even worse, and he can't get his mind off this drowning sea of despair and non-defined feeling in his mind, but more importantly the hole it's creating in his heart. I gave him some advice, which I should take some of myself, as the situations are similar, but not identical in nature, and as such, here's what I told him: "You need separation, and need to clear your head. You need to let her figure out what she wants, let her make the right decision, and you will both be better because of it." He then told me he felt he should write to clear his mind, and I told him this was a bad idea, because he would just write about her, make it even harder to clear his head, and ultimately, yearn for something that hasn't been established as real, yet... Want to guess why I said PART of the advice I should take? Because I did neither, but I know I should take some... I need to get my foot in the door, have her wonder why I'm trying so hard to break the wall down, and not press it to the point that I fall in a friend zone, unless that's what I desire. What I shouldn't do, those that know me so well, is write about it, because at this point, I know that writing about the situation doesn't clear my head, it cements the thoughts that I may need to distance myself from, allowing me to not hurt myself in the event that nothing comes of this. The girl is beautiful, smart, nerdy, fun to be around, easy to talk to, and laughs at my jokes...a solid foundation, as long as I can get her to break away from the mold she established. A wishful thinking at best so far.