I'm on a family vacation in Disney World and I'm depressed. I've been upset with life for a while, but no one seems to understand, offering their, "Well, you are better off" explanation...truth is, I am. BUT, that doesn't stop the fact that on a daily basis I see things going on, and realize that not being married anymore really puts a damper on those things.
I won't go into detail and I won't try to help others understand, but let me put it this way. I still love my ex-wife...but not her, just the wife part, the objectification of her...she could be anyone. I miss the person that was supposed to be there for me, for all reasons and purposes.
I recently realized that after she attempted to friend request me on facebook, it wasn't because she wanted to rub her new boyfriend in my face (though she would be), it was because she wanted to keep the friendship that we had...at the same time, she doesn't realize she destroyed that, along with my heart and for a while, my mind, along with it...I won't ever be friends with her again, and part of that pains me, but its because she destroyed everything I was to get what she wanted, and when I needed her at all, she bolted for the door...not the type of person you want for a friend.
She was supposed to think about what she wanted when she got home from her time in an institution, which at this point, she probably looks at as fiction...and she was supposed to look at how to fix US...she didn't, and fixated on wanting something else, and blamed me for everything.
I'm unhappy with this, because now, she thinks we are friends, and she's sorely mistaken. I am not friends with people who outright lie and manipulate me...and I'd never give the time of day to someone who cheats on it...
It is upsetting I think about this when I should be enjoying myself, but I am because I haven't found that lightning rod that grounds me...and until then, I remain upset...
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