(486) 3-3-2010

So today, I signed paperwork to purchase a new place to live. Approximately 2.4 miles from work, this will allow me to not have to worry about getting help to and from work so much, as worst case scenario, I'll be able to walk. I'm happy with the place that I picked out, and am hoping that everything goes according to plan, since I have to have my divorce finalized, and after that, I can go out, get the new mortgage loan, and move on with everything. I've also got to come up with $2500 for the downpayment, and then probably cut back on a lot of my other extracuricular activities if I am not going to want to involve a roommate.

Anyway, I'm pretty down, and as I stated earlier, I really don't have that person that I can 100% open myself up to, and recent attempts to qualify a person into that position have fallen on incapable. I haven't tried that hard, but then, I probably like coming across as more of a bad ass than as someone willing to shed tears. It really hasn't been a great time in my life, but I'm working through it, and moving forward. I've made strides, and really have begun enjoying the ride of life again, after a long year of not appreciating anything but family. I have a long ways before I feel like I'm right for myself, or anyone else, but I'm much closer to feeling that way than I've been for a really long time.

I'm actually growing tired of always putting on the happy or professional face, and now, at this point, I just want to let the chips fall where they may. It isn't the smartest play, but its the play I feel like I want to make.

I've been drawing a lot recently, and actually have intentions of putting together an artbook/sketchbook. I haven't done this before, and typically would be against the idea, but a lot of the art I've done recently, I think SHOULD be out there for others. If I get Microsoft Publisher or anything up and running on this, I shold even be able to piece the book together.

I'm not sure what exactly is going on in my head that's causing me to not be as happy as I have been in recent history, and I'm hoping it won't take long to start feeling like me, again...at least, here is really hoping on it.

Life was so much easier when I was twelve.