Am I depressed? I don't think so, but I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, I am on here just typing instead of trying to find someone to talk to. Of course, its nine in the morning, my internal clock won't allow me to sleep past 8, and then I find myself bored with what's going on around me.
Amazing how quickly a week changes everything. Last week, I was writing about how someone and I were mutually into each other, and how I was becoming more fascinated with the idea. After that long conversation with her, I think it became awkward...kinda like the morning after a sexual encounter with someone that you really just want to be friends with, except, like always, I get this situation to happen...when there is no sex involved.
So due to that, the friendship has become a quick chat here or there and has dissipated into nothing more. I do think there is a little more avoidance going on from her side of the coin, due to the awkwardness of the situation. Oh well, that's the way my life rolls, and no matter what, it will not get to roll all the way back down the hill this time. Not only will I not allow it, I'll continue to make my personal strides, with some blatant hiccups I'm sure, but the hole I was in last year and have just now begun climbing out of, I will continue to do that, make myself stronger, and not care what the opinions of just anyone are.
I really like what I'm doing with my art, but I can't help but feel like a fraud. A lot of artists make their livings lightboxing and mashing up the art. Tony Harris has made a career out of photographing people and then using those photos to make issues of comics. I can't imagine how painstaking it is, but it must mean that he puts in more time and effort than most other artists, since there are extra steps involved.
Every lightbox drawing I do is actually a lot of work. I have to find the right photo, then I have to mess with the contrast and brightness on it until it looks like something that can be done on the box, and then I have to make it happen.
I've had a few recently that looked so bad due to how thick the pen line was that I had to toss them. While this has not been the norm, when it happens, I've been terribly disappointed in the final product, so much so that I do something I never usd to do...throw out the final product, rather than allow it to be picked apart or critiqued.
You know, I started this by asking if I was depressed, and I think I know what the truth here is... I lost something a long time ago. Someone who understood and accepted me, flaws and quirks and all. I allowed myself to be TOO involved, and now do not trust enough to do it again... for now. I am lonely, in mind and in heart, and who knows when I'll get that back.
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