Tonight, a buddy of mine said that he was lonely, and my statement back was that he should join the club, but if he needed someone to talk to, I'd listen. I now feel that my statement was harsh.
Loneliness is what you make of it. You can either embrace your time alone, or you can be really allow the depression to set in. The unfortunate thing, though I don't believe I'm depressed, I am lonely. I wish I had someone to help with that, someone I could call and have them be there for me, and help me through my pain, like I typically am willing to help others through theirs.
I have ten days left in the house I'm in now, then a couple (hopefully) weeks with my folks, and then I start really living a different life. I hope I continue to live a decent life, and not a lie, as I now know my marriage was for a long while.
It's sad when you know that you aren't ready to give yourself to someone because of the bitterness you hold onto about past discretions. What's worse is that you always want something to fill the gap, but the life you lead, you don't ever think you'll find someone that would help you do that.
I know this blog has gotten depressing if anyone is actually reading it...sometimes I don't know how I'll walk through the rain, let alone smile in the sunshine.
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