Ahh, Bare Naked Ladies...what great calamity they create, and perfect for the feelings I don't know how to express, because while I'm able to laugh and joke, I'm still realizing some repressed depression and struggling with being a guy who in just under a year and a half, will be 35 and nowhere near where he wants to be in life, professionally or personally. Now this could change, mind you, as crazier things have been known to happen, but tonight I don't think I'm going to focus on one side of life or the other, but discuss both, in a very open manner.
Oh, and let me place a shout out to my ol' dog's Junior Bruce and Just Plain Gordo for taking my review of FRIGHT NIGHT and placing it up on their BewareOfPodcast.com site. JB is my boy from way back, so I figured I'd give him a scoop on that review and Gordo's always been a good guy that I actually like, so cheers, boys. I also plugged here on their site, so I guess it's fair I throw one out to them, too.
Alright, so I'm flipping a coin to determine which one gets spoken of first, and here ...we...go. Oh, wait, I'm broke, so there is no coin...nah, I'm not that broke, I found a quarter...and heads means I discuss work first.
Alright, so I've decided that if the job hasn't gotten it through their head that I'm better than just a retail store manager by the time I am driving around in a car again (this would be early February, hopefully), I need to start bettering myself in life and NOT just sitting back waiting for it to happen. I know the new guy in charge of the area is a dick. He's really good at what he does, but he isn't very nice, and doesn't feel he needs to be.
He's handpicking people to be in charge of things I don't necessarily believe are the right fits for what they are now in charge of, and here's an example of this.
My "Dynasty" team, that has led the district overall for the past 3 years is being disbanded, so that my footprint can be around everywhere. I really don't have a problem with this, and I'm under the belief that I'm being given someone who believes they know more than what they do, and another who doesn't work for us, though sounds like the perfect guy to jump on board. All of this, right before we jump into the hardest part of the year. Why not do this two months ago when I would have a new team up to speed? Anyway, while I'm going through this, a guy that most people don't actually LIKE is now in charge of helping train new managers and helping develop current managers. I was told that the reason I'm being given the one person that doesn't know anything instead of him was that "he does better when he hires the people, and you work well with almost everyone." When it comes to training and REtraining people isn't it important to "be able to work with almost everyone?" I tend to believe it. AND the girl he's training to BE a store manager can't stand him, and has actually requested more training time WITH ME.
I'm tired of this. I'm tired of my bonus opportunity dwindling because people won't get out from behind a counter. I'm tired of BRAND NEW District Managers QUITTING three weeks into the job because they realize what the boss's demands are, and he isn't reasonable, meaning, you are fucked.
I've been doing retail for 12 years now, five with this company, and I've got to say...I'm better than a trainer of 18 year old kids that forget to take their ADHD meds, and it is driving me up the fucking wall now, because I'm not going to blow someone to get to where I feel I've worked my ass off to get to.
Alright, these comments obviously are of my own opinion and nothing that my company would endorse, and as such, I am stating these without mentioning where I work.
On the personal front, shit is just weird. I'm broke, and have a trip to Vegas planned at the end of the month, and I think I may just spend my time at the pool (if I can drop another ten pounds before then), and drink free at the casino, doing the ol' one line one coin at the slot machine trick, with about $20 one dollar bills for tipping (NOT A CITY IN CHINA). So there is that, and I really just wish I could come up with about $400 to use while there, but it's lookin REAL scarce. I may be able to float around a couple bucks one way or the other, but not the $400 I'd like.
But that isn't the meat of what's bothering me. I'm still kinda talking to the same girl. She stated about ten days ago that she was going to go out on Weds Night and try to enjoy herself, and that she was sorry she had been being a bitch to me. I didn't think she had, having lost a friend a couple months ago, and having lost a loved one a lot more recently. I then found out she's been having problems with someone else not thinking she's the best mom, which seems a little preposterous. So I let her know that while the apology was fine, it was unnecessary, and we hung out that night, had a pretty fun time, and then I walked her to her car, the two of us made out a little, we talked for a long while and it seemed good, but off. This past week, she showed up to hang out again, and sat with me, my buddy Chris and his girlfriend, Kate, as we sang karaoke, and just enjoyed the night, and she was definitely preoccupied. At the end of the night, we walked to her car, and we talked for a bit, but I pushed a little bit on wanting to know what was going on in her head.
She made the little "my lips are sealed with a lock n key" motion and I told her that while I enjoy talking about myself (as you readers know), I was soon going to run out of things to just talk about, and if that ended up being the case, one of us would get bored. I specifically then said, "And if I end up being the one to get bored, I'm going to go find something else." Her response was direct: "You won't get bored." Um...
I didn't know how to take that, but I re-explained that I'm here, I'll listen, I won't judge and that, "What we've been through makes us who we are. The things we did, and how we got to here, today, leads us to the people we will become." It didn't change her stance, and I am not sure I expected it to, but it's just a little off kilter, and I need a little more to go on.
I will get bored, or I'll rack my brain, but either way, it's bugging me. Part of me likes the little staying out real late and having someone who is obviously interested in some way here, but I think I need a little more directness, and something else...
Anyway, so, that's where I'm at right now in life. A standstill, broke and pondering why I always find the ones with some issues that lead to awkwardness...I dunno. And it's bugging me tonight, probably because I didn't go out drinking.
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