I don't normally complain about being lonely, but recently, my brother noted that a lot of people we know are getting married this year, and it struck him as odd. At the same accord, while it doesn't strike me as odd, it does strike in my chest from time to time as I feel that the relationship business has swept out and passed me by. I mean, when you think about it, Christy and I were together for so long that I forgot proper etiquate for dating, don't know the first thing about starting an open ended conversation not related to video games, wrestling or comic books, and I just am unsure about my "machismo" or whatever bullshit you want to call it. Is it an insecurity within me that prevents me from being able to make myslef interesting?
It shouldn't be that last thing as I know I'm not only interesting, but dammed loyal, almost to a fault.
I don't get it, but I'm not throwing a woe is me out there, I just don't get why they aren't interested. I'm a decent looking guy, I bend over backwards to get things done and I still just don't understand it.
Oh well, maybe I will be the last guy left, which means that at some point, I'm bound to fall into something...and it has to be better than this rut I find myself in.
It's interesting that I keep coming back to this issue, since I obviously have no idea how to correct it or move myself from it. Some nights I tell myself I'm a million bucks and I will show people I'm worth that, but then at half past ten, I'm back to just being the awkward guy who is always in the same place because it's comfortable, rather han breaking my mold, trying something different and showing more people that I should be the catch.
More interesting is that the things that interest me are becoming more popular, as can be seen by the abundance of good comic book related movies, TV series, etc that are attracting more women to them, and yet... still, no dice. Que?
I had a conversation with a younger girl that is interested in what seems to be a lot of the things I am also interested in and she seems to be in the same boat. She doesn't live nearby, either, otherwise I would probably try to show more interest, but we always seem to want what we can't have and it isn't even seemigly because we can't have, but because they don't want...
What is the trick? Is it lowering the standards? Is it random abductions and hoping for Stockholm syndrome? Or is it supposed to be, stop looking and it will find you? Because I think I would have a better chance with the second one over the third...though, ladies, that is NOT my style, lol.
With that said, I don't think I'm the only person suffering from mild depression, as I know that after an episode the other night, I believe another person is and apparently his life ain't where he wants either.
Okay, so I'll just say flat out that I'm writing and posting this guy from my phone, so if you notice spelling errors that I don't normally have, this is from my phone and when I go on a rant, I don't stop and look at the spelling, so some words may be replaced with garbage predictive text or whatever...
Oh, and I don't know if tonight is "Ladies Night" at the Fox and Hound in Raleigbbut there are more attractive women here than I have seen anywhere in months tonight...just saying.
And on that note, peace out...
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