520: Emotionally Intelligent? Or am I preparing for emotional letdown, again?

So I took a test yesterday as part of the book I'm reading (Emotional Intelligence 2.0) required, and here are the results of it vs. people in the same age bracket and work field:


Overall Emotional Intelligence: 82.0%
Your overall emotional intelligence score of 86 is higher than 82.0% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
Personal Competence
76.0%    Self-Awareness
Your score of 85 is higher than 76.0% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
57.0%    Self-Management
Your score of 79 is higher than 57.0% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
Social Competence
85.5%    Social Awareness
Your score of 87 is higher than 85.5% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.
93.5%    Relationship Management
Your score of 93 is higher than 93.5% of Male ages 30-39 living in North America with a job function of Sales and with a job title of Manager.




Why is this important? It allows me to see that while there is still areas for improvement in my own management ability (especially in the Self Management category), I have a very keen understanding in how to run a business, but also, an even stronger sense in how to read people, feel them out, and keep a strong running business.
This is all wonderful, until we try to shift it to personal life. Why am I saying this? It appears that I am more socially aware of things than I am self-aware, implying I know more about what's going on AROUND me, than I necessarily know about myself. Almost as if, I know your emotions, and can use them to my advantage, but when turned around, and needing to utilize my own, I do not do it in nearly the same fashion…hence…


We'll use my current personal turmoil. With "Girl," was able to understand that she had a serious doubt about her recent decision, only two weeks after making the decision. She said things like she shouldn't have wanted space when trying to deal with the passing of a friend, but she didn't know how to ask for anything else. She knew she didn't want to push me away, and felt my words were pushing her away, or at least that's what she said. Now, when you add that to the changing in old boy's behavior when he's had a few drinks and discussed her with his family, she questions a decision that was so clear cut, just a short while ago. But while she was questioning the decision, she would not SAY she was questioning the decision, and her "look" and her lack of decision making forced me to do one of two things…make a move, or tell her I'd respect her original decision until she decides it was wrong. I could tell her I felt she made the wrong decision, but my opinion of it is bias, and all semi-intelligent amoebas could see that.
In a way, I had the same hiccup she did. In my work environment, we call this STAR vs. STARAR…
SiTuation + Action = Result vs. SiTuation+Action=Result +Alternate action = new Result.
Basically, the definition of insanity vs. the realization that a new action must be taken to get a different result.
Now, in a workforce environment, this is easier implemented. In an personal environment, you have specific things your mind builds around, buffers, disconnects and bumps in the road that have led you to the decisions you make.
Here, I made the decision to NOT do something and respect her, instead of trying to make a move on her that would have given her the ability to react in a way that I could see she wanted, but then the alternative result could have been different than sitting there for 2 hours and talking… ie, could have been good, like she tell me that I am right and she needs to make the right decision; she could have felt an extreme amount of guilt, shied away and left a lot faster, or I could have been totally wrong on my read (which I don't for a second believe), and she could have told me that I was completely wrong, called me an ass for making a pass at a vulnerable woman, and left in disgust.
Obviously, there are many other possible results that could have come up, here, but the general rule is the most logical decisions are just that, though when it comes to emotion, there's no real way to tell which result will come, and because of that, I typically choose the result before the alternative action can take place…ie, the simple road, and due to that, I think I'm setting myself up for emotional letdown.
Sure, I liked the result…talking to someone I'm interested in for 2 hours, just me and her, letting my opinion of what's going on with her out in the open and discussing my feelings when this is something I haven't done since my ex-wife. I'm opening up to a person who has the same disconnects, but while I'm opening up, she's sitting there and staying hardshelled and wall built, stating "I've never been allowed to say what I'm feeling, so I can't."
My actions make me want to push the situation, be closer to her, so I can help mold the decisions, but I'm not sure that's fair.
I explained it like the movie INCEPTION. In the movie, the idea is to place a base fragment of a memory in someone's brain so they believe the idea is theirs, it grows, so a decision can be made that is different from any decision they may've come up with on their own. With Girl, this is probably what I'm doing.
I know she has feelings for me, but I want to mold those feelings so that she knows that I was the right choice, vs. the guy she's known for years, had something special with and now, shortly after they've rekindled, already having some serious issues with. The idea is to make myself into the better man, have her realize SHE came up with that distinction, and have her make the decision.
Is it a mind game? Yes. Why would it not be, everything else in the cat and mouse game is, why would this be any different? Problem is, the history she shares with him gives him mulligans that I just have not built up, and thus, it's not only an uphill battle, but a damned near impossible one if the guy never makes another mistake…
Then I'm just the oddball left out.