I told myself I had to get a lot done, today. I had to take my bike down to Durham to get it looked at, and then repaired. Turns out that the carbeurator had been completely blocked, and thus, needed to get a massive cleaning, and then it worked fine. The trip itself took me an hour and a half to get down to the place to do it, because even though I only live about 25 miles from it, there's no easy way there. I was, however, able to get back from there in an hour and five minutes, I guess less waiting at lights, the bike was running better so it probably was going a tad faster, as well.
I also had to head to downtown Raleigh to get my travel permit for my E3 trip next week, which while its going to be awesome, looks like it is going to have one crazy snag...I can't use my cellphone, because Verizon thought it nice enough to tell me I may be over my minutes AFTER I went over my minutes. So, here, I'll finish the part about the travel permit, and then write my frustrations about the rest, next. I had my friend pick me up in Durham, and after a side track, we headed to Raleigh, I waited 15 minutes for my permit, and then she showed up, I signed the sheet of paper and bazinga, I was on my way BACK to Durham, so that she could get her Driver's License renewed, and then we headed back for my bike. So yes, Raleigh, Durham, Raleigh, and Durham again.
The sidestep that we had was to get me fitted for a Tuxedo for a wedding at the end of the month. Man, did I look FAT in it...not to be mistaken, however, I did look damn good for a fat guy...So they are right, I liked the way I looked...and they guaranteed it...for $180. Yeesh.
Okay, so back to the cellphone business. I just sent an email to my boss regarding this measure, because my phone at my store for some reason, the tone on the #3 button does not allow me into our conference call, so I've had, on multiple occasions, to call from my cell phone. So each of these calls made from my personal number should be reimbursable, as they were probably the majority of my minutes, since I almost never TALK on the phone, and I have both unlimited msg and data. So, I'm hoping that I get reimbursed for this, because I believe its $.45 per minute over and as of this morning, I was already over by 12...
I also checked in on my dog, who hasn't been doing well, and the doctors now know that what she has is "Lung Related," so hopefully they can give her the drugs necessary to boot it out of her system. Here's hoping, anyway, because I would really like to see her healthy again.
Now to something else:
Over the past week or so, I realized something that I hadn't noticed before...I was getting sentimental about stupid little shit, and it led me to make the distinction that I believe I'm depressed. No, not to the point where I'd go, and someone will find me all David Carradine'd in my bathroom, or anything, but to the point where I'm in a funk that I'm not sure how to rid myself of.
Okay, here's the selfish part, besides friends, family, dogs and work, I don't have a lot going on. I miss the companionship that I once had. No, I do not miss my ex-wife, but I miss the ability to go home, and find myself able to not just talk about my day, but rest next to someone else. I'm one of those people who actually likes that, and while I like my own thing more often than not, I have recently wanted to just be in that kind of warm fuzzy moment that comes with a relationship...
Therein lies the dilemma...I don't think I want another relationship, though, as after I get comfortable, I tend to take those for granted. I just kinda want to feel something out, enjoy the moments, and really like someone enough to where it makes me WANT more. I thought I was gaining in that area, and then it just seemed to stall out like a bad moped with a blocked carberator...see what I did there?
I know what my emotional hangup is. I don't take that chance because I typically only bet on the sure thing. Hell, reason I took the chance I did recently was because I knew she was into me, when she made a move while hammered on her birthday, and that allowed me the inch I needed to make the courage thing happen. I need that opening, and I just don't know when its there, and when someone is just being "Nice." I guess I could make my own luck, since that's what so many others do, but I play the numbers game, and it is always logic beating emotion. It sucks, too, because I'm an emotional cat, and yet I feel as though my rationale prevents me from taking certain risks because they aren't in the "high odds" category.
You can't get this much fodder anywhere else, can you? I mean, I'd talk about this with almost anyone that would listen, as that's just who I am, but I need something else in my life. Something that will garner me cleaning the apartment, something that will make me will myself to do things on my day off that I'd never consider right now (like going for a WALK), etc.
I have had a lot of different things that I wanted to do in my life, but I've never felt like I was really told, "You should DO THAT!" and then go out and become famous at it. My family negatively motivates, because they were negatively motivated. They don't always realize that's what they are doing, but they are. I love'm, and wouldn't trade them for a player to be named later, but sometimes, you just have to have that new person that not only do you impress them, but their words impress you...
And its been a long time since I have had someone that I have felt the need to impress with me.
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