Don't you love when you don't have to make the decision and it makes sense...like on a date, one person determines the type of food they will eat, or when you go to the movies, bowling, or even at work, someone makes the decision for you. It can work out great...
Or it can make you feel like shit.
Case in point. Last night, I was blown off by the girl I had been communicating with, feeling out the dating process, etc. Now, it wasn't your typical blow off. She still allowed me to sit next to her with a group of people, but something was wrong, and very standoff-ish. Someone with a substandard intellect could have seen that the same cuteness was gone. You know, along with the text messaging, whatever. So I finally asked, "you mad at me?" "No," was the reply. My retort, "Well, if you want me to leave, I will..." "Nah, you're cool to chill with." .......REALLY?
I'm not an idiot. I'm not exactly a rarebreed genius, but communications ARE my strong suit, as it allows me to excel in my chosen field. This is far from the feeling out the dating process line.
So, the night continues, and as her defenses subside with alcohol. new ones present themselves. Some in the form of other people, some in the form of moving from one table to another where she isn't sitting directly next to me.
Tino finished playing his set, and as everyone left, it was time for confrontation. I looked right at her, and she said that when she flew up to Maine to bury her friend, she rekindled something with someone that started like 6 years ago, and that she didn't feel anything like that for me.
The decision was made before anything could begin. I was told by a girl that less than two weeks ago was slipping up in her words like a highschool girl with her first crush, that there was nothing. Best part, she wouldn't look me in the eye. First rule of denial. She tells me she's sorry, and I ask why? "Because I like you as a friend, and I didn't want to hurt you." This time I get the eye contact. Her words are true there, after something she wasn't fully honest about. I turn to her and ask, "Well, if there wasn't anything there, how could I be hurt?"
I told her I was happy for her if she had found happiness, and she stated something along the lines that I helped her get there, as well as the untimeliness of her travels. I am not sure how a blooming SOMETHING with a person led you to full-blown romance with someone else, and I'd not care to find out.
At this point, her eye contact was more previlent, as if she were trying to make sure I was okay, while reassuring me that it wasn't me, and that it was her. Yes, I went there with this. Her speech was filled with a thick Maine accent, that really felt like it was more remembered than true.
Throughout the night, I found her minorly insulting different things I enjoyed, digging to push away, and now I knew why...a long distance relationship. Humorous as it may be, I held it together, not really one for emotion in these types of situations. I DID, however, laugh at her when she told me she didn't feel anything for me, and she asked, "why are you laughing?" Why not. While maybe not a bold faced lie, it wasn't the truth, and anyone that had seen us together, hanging out, knew that was the case. I'm not sure what made it feel right, but it did...
So anyway, I gave her a hug, and now, at 3:15am, she looked at me, tilting her head, I explained to her it's all in the eyes, and she didn't understand. I explained that my latest drawing of eyes were hers, and they said something different than the words coming from her lips. She let out a "hmph" and a sigh, to which I asked her to explain the sound, and she let me know that it would take another hour to explain, and then deflected by stating she had to be home to pick up her kids in a few short hours.
Or it can make you feel like shit.
Case in point. Last night, I was blown off by the girl I had been communicating with, feeling out the dating process, etc. Now, it wasn't your typical blow off. She still allowed me to sit next to her with a group of people, but something was wrong, and very standoff-ish. Someone with a substandard intellect could have seen that the same cuteness was gone. You know, along with the text messaging, whatever. So I finally asked, "you mad at me?" "No," was the reply. My retort, "Well, if you want me to leave, I will..." "Nah, you're cool to chill with." .......REALLY?
I'm not an idiot. I'm not exactly a rarebreed genius, but communications ARE my strong suit, as it allows me to excel in my chosen field. This is far from the feeling out the dating process line.
So, the night continues, and as her defenses subside with alcohol. new ones present themselves. Some in the form of other people, some in the form of moving from one table to another where she isn't sitting directly next to me.
Tino finished playing his set, and as everyone left, it was time for confrontation. I looked right at her, and she said that when she flew up to Maine to bury her friend, she rekindled something with someone that started like 6 years ago, and that she didn't feel anything like that for me.
The decision was made before anything could begin. I was told by a girl that less than two weeks ago was slipping up in her words like a highschool girl with her first crush, that there was nothing. Best part, she wouldn't look me in the eye. First rule of denial. She tells me she's sorry, and I ask why? "Because I like you as a friend, and I didn't want to hurt you." This time I get the eye contact. Her words are true there, after something she wasn't fully honest about. I turn to her and ask, "Well, if there wasn't anything there, how could I be hurt?"
I told her I was happy for her if she had found happiness, and she stated something along the lines that I helped her get there, as well as the untimeliness of her travels. I am not sure how a blooming SOMETHING with a person led you to full-blown romance with someone else, and I'd not care to find out.
At this point, her eye contact was more previlent, as if she were trying to make sure I was okay, while reassuring me that it wasn't me, and that it was her. Yes, I went there with this. Her speech was filled with a thick Maine accent, that really felt like it was more remembered than true.
Throughout the night, I found her minorly insulting different things I enjoyed, digging to push away, and now I knew why...a long distance relationship. Humorous as it may be, I held it together, not really one for emotion in these types of situations. I DID, however, laugh at her when she told me she didn't feel anything for me, and she asked, "why are you laughing?" Why not. While maybe not a bold faced lie, it wasn't the truth, and anyone that had seen us together, hanging out, knew that was the case. I'm not sure what made it feel right, but it did...
So anyway, I gave her a hug, and now, at 3:15am, she looked at me, tilting her head, I explained to her it's all in the eyes, and she didn't understand. I explained that my latest drawing of eyes were hers, and they said something different than the words coming from her lips. She let out a "hmph" and a sigh, to which I asked her to explain the sound, and she let me know that it would take another hour to explain, and then deflected by stating she had to be home to pick up her kids in a few short hours.
I told her fine, and she reiterated being sorry, and asked if we could be friends. I told her I liked her again, and said I wasn't sure about the friend thing. I told her it should be possible, if there really wasn't anything there, but who knows.
I can say, I'm glad I get to go to NY and get my head out of anything close to this for a week. My facebook status update explained my feelings in pure words:
Life's too short, I'm too old, looks like its back to the drawing board. I'll go ahead and sound conceited and say it isn't my loss, but the two weeks of nice change that I gained. Too bad the exploration ends on the surface, instead of really getting on the inside. Here's to tomorrow, friends.
Part of that statement, I'd be saying, looking you in the eye...the other part, I'd turn my attention away, because it isn't all true. But I have to start believing it, just as she has to start believing it was nothing.
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