#501 - rambles...

12:45am, still not sleeping. Thinking of what to do with my life, walking down a pathway, alone, but not lonely. Things have started changing, seemingly for the better, but a little scary as well. I feel like a 9th grader, with this new affection. Is it an obsession, is it me making it out to more than it really is? As I try to sit back and enjoy the ride, my mind takes over and tries to steer one way or another. I think sometimes people scare off because of how much you try to be around them. Others embrace the feeling of not being alone. Me? I do both. Sometimes I can just accept it, other times I like it so much I don't want to stop having it around. It seems like she may've had some hurt in her heart before, building up a wall and not wanting others to come in, like the third little pig, making it out of brick, unlike the fake walls of the other two. Its good, though, around her I just am me, not trying to impress, not overtly spending money I don't have, just me enjoying someone's company and acting goofy like I tend to do when I'm in a comfortable place. Interesting that I say comfortable when neither of us has stepped foot in the other's real lives, just the nighttime ones. The ones where they may be dreams, may be reality, and you just can't pick apart the real from the fairy tale. Why does she interest me? Maybe because she's interested IN me.