My 502nd Blog...Yowsa. Confessions of a guy who doesn't understand dating.

I think about a lot of things WAY TO MUCH. In fact, part of the reason to have a blog is the ability to spill your guts about something that you probably don't want to talk to everyone about, and sometimes it's just downright private...however, able to be found on the internet, apparently, lol. I'm a very OPEN person when it comes to what's going on in my head, but that doesn't stop the fact that sometimes, you should get it out, leave it out, so you don't continue to think about it and drive you crazy. When I get something or someone in my head, I try to make it or them everything I'm about. That's why when I'm writing a project and I have a deadline, I get the work done, normally it's well done and then boom, next project, rinse, cycle, repeat...The opposite can be said for when I'm doing work myelf without a deadline, and for one reason or another, I'm full steam ahead until I think, "Hmm...this isn't DUE today, so I'm going to let my mind wander." Truly, I do not let my mind wander, but I can't stay focused on the task because I just have other things going on, and when deadline nor pay are there...it waits. I have personally kept myself from trying to get to know all but one person for the last two years, and that person has a shut off personality, so getting to know her and wanting to know her are two different things. I think this is why I'm drawn to wanting to know her, because she looks like someone that needs it, but has enough selfworth that she doesn't NEED someone else, or so it seems. What's funny is I still feel that with her, I've developed a pretty good friendship, have learned a bit about her, though it is definitely in a "Single Serving Friend" kind of way. What's sad, is that while I'd be willing to drop whatever to be with this girl, I know that's probably never going to be an option, so I've made sure to start looking down other avenues. I have some issues in my life. I am seen as someone who's got his head on straight, is passion and profession driven and self-motivated. These are mostly true, and when people meet me, feel me out, or pursue me, this is what they get at the beginning. This is what you want people to see, as well, but like with selling used cars, you sell them on the good, and then the bad and the ugly come with the first inspection update. Haha. Where am I going with this blog? Oh, who the hell knows, but I'm going to continue. I like this girl. Suddenly, I think I really like this girl because I'm talking about her more than I normally talk about anyone not named Rob Potchak... I enjoy her company, wonder how we get along since on the base, we don't seem to have a lot of similar interests outside of karaoke night, beer and football, oh, and the same bars... She is a mom, works constantly, etc, however, I think this is the stuff I didn't gauge, initially. As a parent, she needs to not only protect herself, but also protect the children from any situation that could turn into an ugly situation, and having never dealt with that type of situation, I may be clamoring for more attention than a single mother who has defenses built up is ready to give. As I think more outside the box here than I am used to, this also makes me rationalize other things. I can argue that by keeping me at bay may lead me to a different path, and have us try to maintain a friendship, that would be on me at this point, and not her. Wow, I think I just grew up a little with that statement. I posted on facebook that I was thinking about her while I was more than a little drunk... good, but not good. I didn't say anything stupid or whatever, but I'm not sappy, so I must maintain my arrogance and confidence, and not look like a silly awestruck guy. I also posted that with the level of social networking out and about, who knows what the rules of dating / comunication should be at this point? I don't know if she paid attention to these little things, but others saw them. The other night, I guess I got some of the information that one needs to hear, as a co-worker of hers came up, started to hit on me and gave me her phone number and when I asked her (the one I like) what I should do with it, she stated, "Burn it." She smiled, but the intent was clear, even though rules have not been established, she wanted it known that she wanted my attention, so I gave it to her that night. However, since that night, we've probably chat for a couple text msg and a little bit of time on Facebook, but nothing else. Yesterday, tornadoes were knocking down houses in the area, so I texted her to make sure she was safe while going to and from work, but with Verizon telling me for about an hour "Txt not sent" I kept trying to resend, probably leading to her getting the same msg from me about 10 times...of course, making me look a little obsessive. This time, however, it wasn't even my fault. So right now, I'm cooling it for a day or two on this, just so I can see what's up from the other side of the fence. Of course the normal night we hang out may be out of the question, since I have an inventory on Weds, the night I normally hang out with her.